Se amas alguém, liberta-o

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were. ” R. Bach

Estas palavras tornam-se realidade sempre que duas pessoas que são certas uma para a outra se encontram no momento errado.

I know a lot of people who don’t believe in wrong timings. I probably wouldn’t either if it hadn’t happened to me.

I was head over heels for somebody who just wasn’t ready for a real relationship—at least not the first time we dated.

Quando o conheci, ele tinha acabado de sair de uma relação de 4 anos, e todo o inferno se tinha soltado dentro dele. Era como se ele tivesse de compensar todos os anos em que se tinha sentido preso nessa relação.

I knew that right from the start. I saw it, but I couldn’t help myself…I fell madly in love with him, and it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

Os seus beijos ficaram gravados no meu corpo. O seu riso e todas as conversas que tivemos estimularam o meu cérebro.

O química entre nós era inegável. Era como uma força magnética que me puxava para junto dele. Não importava como ele se comportava ou como me tratava, eu estava presa a ele.

I kept looking through his fingers. I kept seeing the good and ignoring the bad. I made excuses for him without any need to hear the actual words “I’m sorry” from him.

All my rules didn’t count for much anymore. Before I knew it, I was in a casual relationship, hoping that one day, it would all change for the better.

I thought that day was just around the corner…and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

He wasn’t even close to being ready for a relationship—at least not an exclusive one and that was all I wanted. Someone entirely mine.

He left…

He took my heart with him…

My heart couldn’t even break properly. It was just emptiness inside of me that he alone could fulfill. I didn’t say a word.

I didn’t go after him. I didn’t beg. I just kept repeating to myself the old phrase I heard somewhere:

“If you love someone, set them free.”

I wasn’t an expert in love, but all I knew is that it should never be begged for. It should never be forced, and if it doesn’t flow naturally between two people, it is doomed.

A sua partida foi como um duche frio que me acordou de um sonho. A dor era tão real que me fez ver que, apesar do que sentia, merecia melhor e, mais importante, merecia um amor verdadeiro.

Getting through all that pain was excruciating. I think I wasn’t even aware of the true intensity of my feelings until I left.

They overwhelmed me. My world came crashing down. I couldn’t stop the tears. I couldn’t contain my thoughts.

There were so many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call him. There were so many days on which I wanted to “accidentally” bump into him in that small coffee shop he goes to before work.

Houve tantas noites em que lhe quis enviar uma mensagem.

But the little voice echoing in my head, “ If you love someone, set them free.“ foi tão forte que me fez parar.

There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep us together, but I just couldn’t transform him into someone who was ready to give me all of his love.

You see…there is no way in which you can force someone to love you. You aren’t supposed to beg for love. All you can do is give them the freedom to chose you.

That was all I wanted. For him to chose me. For him to be sure about me…sure about us. So I set him free, always hoping deep down that he would find his way back.

Tudo o que restava fazer agora era cuidar de mim mesmo. Remendar as minhas feridas. Preencher com amor-próprio o vazio dentro de mim onde outrora se encontrava o meu coração.

That was exactly what I did. It took me a long while to stand on my own two feet again. I had to learn to smile again—really smile, not fake smile with all the pain hidden underneath.

Tive de fazer as pazes com o facto de ele já não fazer parte da minha vida.

Quando segui em frente com a minha vida e a ideia de o ver deixou de me magoar, ele quis voltar a entrar na minha vida.

I have to be honest here. My first instinct was to let him in, to pull him close and plead to the heavens that the same scenario wouldn’t happen again.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk that numbness and emptiness coming back to me.

It was a great while, a lot of his efforts, long texts and explanations, until I let him in again. He was ready now. He wasn’t afraid.

O inferno dentro dele tinha-se transformado em céu. Ele precisava de se encontrar a si próprio antes de me voltar a encontrar. Acho que estávamos ambos um pouco perdidos, ele mais do que eu, mas mesmo assim, o timing estava errado na altura, e agora é perfeito.

O tempo que passámos separados fê-lo amadurecer. Fê-lo crescer e tornar-se alguém que era emocionalmente estável o que não era o caso anteriormente.

He came back with a heartbeat I didn’t recognize, with a tenderness I never got from him before, with the humility of a man who knows he has done something wrong.

He knocked me of off my feet again, but he also brought the tranquility and safety I needed. I am happy now. Happier than I’ve ever been because he just added to a life I had already created for myself.

I don’t regret giving him a second chance. It was the best decision I ever made. And if you find yourself in a similar situation my advice is this:

Don’t rush into forgiving someone. Take your time, and see if they have really changed. Let them try to earn back your trust. If they don’t succeed, don’t take them back.

Not everyone deserves a second chance. All stories are different, and sometimes timing isn’t the major issue.

I got lucky I guess. The reasons for two people splitting vary, and there are things that you just can’t surpass.

Mas quando olhei mais de perto para toda a nossa história, percebi que ele nunca me tinha mentido. Eu sempre soube que ele era uma confusão.

Ele nunca me tinha prometido nada. Eu simplesmente apaixonei-me por ele, sem me importar com os sinais de aviso ou com as suas palavras.