Cuidado com estes sinais de alerta num primeiro encontro 

Okay, let’s talk about first dates. They can be nerve-wracking for sure! You spend hours choosing your outfit hoping this would be just the beginning of your numerous dates together and nunca se sabe o que esperar.

That’s kind of the fun of it. The less fun experience is texting a friend “Get me out of here!” in the middle of the date. Oh, I’ve done that for sure. 

Conheci um tipo nas redes sociais há alguns anos. Ele parecia fixe e saímos para tomar uma bebida. 

Ele trabalhava para o governo e, alguns minutos depois do nosso encontro, disse-me ele tinha-me feito um inquérito completo! He basically knew my address and all my private information. But that wasn’t even the worst part.

Ele desesperadamente wanted to hold my hand even when I wasn’t comfortable with it and if that wasn’t awkward enough he decided it was a good time to make a video call with his family! He wanted me to talk to them when I barely even knew him. 

By that point, I knew I needed to run away so I said I wanted to go home. But my disastrous date didn’t end there. Ele tentou beijar-me várias vezes even though I explicitly said no! Safe to say I’ve never been on a worse date! I never texted him back after this.

Por isso, sim, tenho muita experiência com sinais de alerta no primeiro encontro. Deixem-me dar-vos alguns sinais que vos devem fazer procurar a saída mais próxima quando as coisas correm mal num encontro!

1. Nunca ouvi falar de limites

As I said, this was a major turn-off for me. If they’re too touchy when you’re not comfortable with it, just imagine what could happen after the first date! Oh no, no, definitely cut all ties with them!

Isto é mais do que desrespeitoso em muitos aspectos. By not respecting your boundaries they are basically telling you they don’t care about you, so why would anyone want a second date with them? 

It’s not only about physical boundaries, but emotional ones too! Maybe they are asking inappropriate questions, want to find out something you’re not comfortable with sharing or are being pushy in any way. No matter the context, it’s always rude and disrespectful!

2. Everything’s about them

I love talkative people, but there’s always a limit. A date shouldn’t be like an interview where they’re listing all their achievements and qualities hoping you would hire them as your partner.

A conversa deve ser sempre uma via de dois sentidos. Se nunca tiveres a oportunidade de partilhar algo sobre ti, encontre alguém que queira ouvi-lo e não apenas a si próprio! 

I was once on a date and halfway through it, I thought I somehow mistakenly got to a TedTalk! He just couldn’t stop yapping about every detail of his life! 

Desde traumas de infância e experiências no liceu até às suas ex-amantes, ele falou de tudo! Este homem usou o nosso encontro como uma sessão de terapia!

3. Obcecados pelo ex

I don’t know what’s worse: when they’re obsessed with their ex or can’t stop bashing them. This might be at the same level of red flags! 

De qualquer forma, it’s always a good sign they’re not over them and definitely not ready to move on. And you don’t need someone who’ll waste your time while still thinking about their ex. Even if they trash talk about them, I wouldn’t trust it too much. No breakup is completely the fault of one person.

The man I went on a date with talked about his ex for a good portion of the time! And no, he didn’t say one bad thing about her. Instead, he talked about how they’re good friends, still see each other, and even showed me pictures of her! So yeah, complete failure of a date.

4. Não presente e aborrecido

It’s not good when they only talk about themselves or their ex but not engaging in the conversation at all also isn’t ideal!

You need someone who’s interested to get to know you better. If he seems bored or distracted with anything, he’s not invested or serious about you.

Imagine someone can’t be present and engaged on a first date where everyone wants to leave a good impression! Honey, don’t expect him to change and do better in the future.

I remember when my friend talked about her date and said he was more interested in his phone than her! Apparently, there was a big basketball match and he kept checking the score and didn’t even listen to her. Trust me, you don’t need someone like this!

5. Ser mal-educado com o empregado de mesa

Sempre pensei que a forma como uma pessoa trata os outros, especialmente o pessoal de serviço, dá-nos tudo o que precisamos de saber sobre ela.

Saiba sempre que ser mal-educado e desrespeitoso para com as pessoas que lhe prestam qualquer serviço é uma enorme sign they have an inflated ego and think they’re superior. I don’t know about you, but this is such a turn-off for me!

Try paying attention to these small details because they can show you how he’ll treat you and others later on. If he’s kind and genuine he’ll also treat others with respect, so don’t fall for what he says if his actions don’t support his words!

6. Bombardear-te de amor

Be careful with this one because it might trick you into thinking they’re really into you. Sometimes it’s easy to fall for sweet words and compliments but nice gestures aren’t always honest. 

If they shower you with attention and it feels overwhelming and fake, it probably is! It takes time to develop a real deep connection and it can’t happen quickly over the first date.

I know it feels nice when someone tells you everything you want to hear but love-bombing is always flattering at the beginning. Later on, when you realize this was only a tactic to control and manipulate you, you’ll regret trusting them so much.

7. Avançar demasiado depressa

Pushing for commitment almost always goes hand in hand with love-bombing. First, they convince you they already love you and then tell you you’re special and how you’re destined to be together.

Os primeiros encontros devem ser para se conhecerem e não para planearem o vosso futuro. No one is rushing with commitment for no reason. They shouldn’t talk about moving in together or meeting family the first time they meet you!

It’s not always because they want to trap you in a relationship and control you, sometimes it’s just a lazy attempt to hop into bed with you! So stay aware of these manipulators!

Always watch out for these signs because one date might not be enough to make important decisions about your future together but it’s definitely all you need to see if they’re good or not. 

If you don’t feel comfortable at any moment or your gut tells you something ain’t right, don’t try to rationalize it – just run!