17 Padrões mínimos de relacionamento que você deve estabelecer
Não há desculpa para padrões baixos numa relação.
Por muito que ames outra pessoa ou tenhas medo de acabar sozinho, nunca te deves contentar com menos do que mereces.
Esqueça os que o acusam de ser demasiado exigente ou de pedir demasiado.
Tem autoestima suficiente para saber o que quer e isso é algo de que se deve orgulhar.
No entanto, como é que se pode saber quais são os padrões que devem ser os nossos "dealbreakers"? Como pode saber a que aspectos deve prestar especial atenção?
Se estas são as perguntas que lhe passam pela cabeça, está na altura de consultar a nossa lista de padrões de relacionamento, que representa os requisitos mínimos que deve procurar num potencial parceiro.
Lista de padrões de relacionamento
Sentir-se atraído pela pessoa
Let’s be real: you can’t expect to enter a new relationship with someone you’re not physically attracted to.
Yes, there are other way more important things to look for while setting relationship standards, but you won’t be able to get yourself to scratch underneath those layers if you don’t first find them attractive.
It doesn’t mean you necessarily have to be turned on by this person the moment you lay eyes on them – you just have to like them enough to be drawn to them.
This person doesn’t have to be beautiful or handsome according to society’s standards – it is enough for them to be appealing to you.
É claro que a atração física, por si só, nunca pode ser a base de uma relação saudável.
Pode partilhar uma química incrível com alguém, mas se vocês os dois são não compatível, things won’t work out.
As much as you shouldn’t limit yourself to just one type and reject a person just because they, for example, have brown hair and you prefer jet black.
Don’t accuse yourself of being shallow or having overly high standards just because of a certain taste when it comes to the opposite sex.
After all, you’re just a human being who’s in a search for a romantic partner, not a best friend.
Saber qual é a sua posição
No mundo moderno dos encontros, não colocar um rótulo numa relação não é nada de extraordinário.
Muitos homens e mulheres passam meses ou mesmo anos a namorar com uma pessoa sem nunca se chamarem realmente namorado e namorada.
Don’t get me wrong. If both you and your current partner want to keep coisas casuais, there is nothing remotely wrong with that, and it’s not something you should be judged for.
No entanto, perder tempo e esperar que alguém tenha a decência de se decidir sobre si é um grande e gordo não.
After all, we’re talking about setting RELATIONSHIP standards here, aren’t we? So the bare minimum is to actually call all that’s going on a romantic relationship before building it any further.
You’re not old-fashioned for wanting to know where you stand and not accepting someone who’ll lead you on.
You need a partner who won’t have any doubts when it comes to choosing you. Someone who’ll be proud to hold your hand in public.
Remember: You’re nobody’s puppet and you’re completely right for wanting to make things official.
On the other hand, if the other person makes an issue out of this, it’s clear that they don’t match your standards and you shouldn’t spend another minute next to them.
Não ser conveniente
De acordo com os especialistas em relações, outro fator decisivo é namorar com alguém que pensa em si como conveniente e nada mais.
You shouldn’t settle for a partner who’s in your life just because it’s time for a serious relationship or because they can’t seem to find anyone better.
You’re not too picky if you demand someone who won’t treat you like plan B or the person they come to when everyone else turn their backs on them.
Don’t be your significant other’s safety net or last resort, and don’t let them equate your relationship to settling for less.
What you want is a partner who keeps on choosing you every day. Someone who can live without you but doesn’t want to.
Someone who wouldn’t trade you for millions of other people and treats you not just like their first option, but the only option they’re willing to even consider.
Ser respeitado
Despite what you might think, true love can’t exist without mutual respect.
Por isso, este é um dos aspectos mais importantes a que deve prestar atenção antes de se envolver em algo sério com outra pessoa.
Don’t forget that you’re a person and an individual before you’re someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.
You’ve invested too much in building yourself until now, so it’d be silly to allow someone who’s just walked into your life to treat you like you’re not enough or not to respect you.
Significa que o seu ente querido deve respeitar também as pessoas que o rodeiam.
They’re not under any obligation to love your best friends and family members, but they certainly must respect the place they have in your life and heart.
Not only that – they also must have enough respect for your time, career, accomplishments, opinions, attitudes, wishes, and desires, as well as for your personal boundaries and space.
Sem respeito, tudo o resto é inútil.
After all, you can’t expect to have a healthy relationship with someone who uses every opportunity to put you down, diminish your worth, or insult you in any way (especially in front of others).
Estes são todos enormes bandeiras vermelhas de desrespeito a que se deve estar atento.
Ser apreciado
Apesar de muitas pessoas confundirem os termos respeito e apreço, os especialistas em relações dizem que estes dois conceitos são, na verdade, bastante diferentes, para além de terem algumas semelhanças.
When you’re appreciated, your efforts and hard work are not taken for granted and your current partner is aware that everything you’re doing is for the sake of your relationship.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you ought to expect constant gratitude for acting like every normal person should in a relationship.
A sua cara-metade não é obrigada a beijar o chão que pisa por cada pequena coisa que faz por ela.
That said, it’s nice knowing that you’re not doing anything in vain, and that your efforts are seen and acknowledged.
It’s nice knowing that the other person is thankful for the fact that you’re giving your best, and appreciative of all the hard work you’re putting in this relationship.
Não ser controlado
Infelizmente, há muitas pessoas que têm padrões mais baixos do que deviam e pensam que o ciúme é igual ao amor verdadeiro.
Sim, um pouco de ciúme é giro, mas quando ultrapassa a linha do bom gosto, pode ser potencialmente perigoso.
Of course, your partner wouldn’t stand still while watching you, for example, kiss another person.
It’s natural for them to be afraid of losing you and therefore have a tiny dose of jealousy in themselves.
However, it’s completely different if your current partner is possessivo and controlling, and this is the arrangement you shouldn’t accept under any circumstances whatsoever.
This person needs to be aware that you’ve had friends, family members, hobbies, and a life of your own before they tagged along, and that you won’t throw it all away just because they’ve become a part of it now.
It’s insane to have a partner who forbids you to have friends of the opposite sex or hang out with your family members.
Uma pessoa que está sempre atrás de si, que desconfia de todos os seus passos, que o acusa constantemente de traição sem qualquer prova concreta, que verifica o seu telemóvel à procura de aplicações de encontros, que o persegue ou que limita a sua liberdade de qualquer outra forma.
This is not love – it’s a form of emotional slavery and something you should never put up with.
Ser aceite
A verdade é que, em muitos casos de relações românticas, as pessoas esperam mudar uma à outra no futuro.
You meet another human being that you think would be perfect for you – with slight modifications.
As pessoas raramente se apaixonam por outras pessoas. Em vez disso, apaixonam-se pelo seu potencial e por aquilo em que se podem tornar.
Needless to say, when the expected change doesn’t happen, problems arise.
That’s exactly why your process of setting standards has to include finding a person who will accept you for who you really are.
Uma pessoa que estará completamente consciente dos seus defeitos sem nunca os tentar apagar.
Trata-se de alguém que aumenta a sua autoestima e o impulsiona a tornar-se o seu melhor eu, sem ter a necessidade de o mudar.
A pessoa quem o inspira to engage in more self care and self love, so you become better for yourself – not for them.
Yes, a healthy relationship is based on compromise, there’s no doubt about that.
There will be hundreds of situations in which you’ll probably have to meet your partner halfway or do some things you would prefer not doing.
Poderá fazer algumas alterações nos seus hábitos ou modificar algumas pequenas coisas que os incomodam.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should allow them to try and mudança a essência da sua personalidade e transformá-lo numa pessoa completamente diferente.
Se isso acontecer, ambos acabarão por ficar insatisfeitos.
They’ll never be able to truly change you, which will make them unhappy while you’ll be uneasy in the constant struggle between the person you really are and the person you ought to become according to their standards.
Therefore, if you see that your partner can’t seem to accept the true you, walk away in time and save both of you a lot of unnecessary headaches, because they’re definitely not your soulmate.
Não ser utilizado para sexo
Não há nada de errado em ter um tipo de relação sem compromissos, desde que ambos tenham decidido que as coisas devem ser assim.
No entanto, a última coisa que alguém deve experimentar é ser uma booty call para a pessoa que ama verdadeiramente e com quem quer algo mais.
A mature relationship is much more than sex. It has to be based on other things as well. The same goes with intimacy – it’s not only physical. It’s built on many other levels.
Portanto, não, tu don’t have high standards if you’re content with a partner who pretends they like you just to get in your pants.
You should never settle for crumbs of someone’s love and connect it with the attention they give to your body only.
Remember: You’re a whole package and if someone has a problem with that, they don’t deserve getting parts of you either.
Se uma pessoa quer o seu corpo, tem de se esforçar por conquistar também o seu coração e o seu cérebro.
Mas ter bom sexo
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that good quality sex is not required for a well functioning love life – it definitely is.
You probably won’t notice its importance while everything is in perfect order, but if it happens that things in the bedroom start going downhill or if you experience lack of sex, you’ll immediately notice that your entire relationship is affected.
Let’s get one thing straight. There’s no such thing as people who are good or bad at sex, only ones who suit you or not. That’s why you always have to have a sexually compatible partner.
Por isso, ter as mesmas preferências sexuais, gostar de coisas semelhantes e ter o mesmo desejo de experimentar coisas novas (ou não) é um dos requisitos obrigatórios em qualquer relação.
If that’s not the case, neither of you will be happy under the sheets, which will sooner or later reflect on other aspects of your relationship.
Also, when you’re setting standards, pay attention to the effort your partner puts in in the bedroom.
You can’t be with someone who looks after their needs only and doesn’t give a damn about your satisfaction.
Não ser comparado com ninguém
Todos nós temos alguma bagagem emocional e experiências de vida amorosa que nos moldaram para nos tornarmos quem somos hoje.
When you reach a certain age, it becomes impossible to find a person without any romantic history, and this isn’t something you should factor in when setting relationship standards.
And you shouldn’t try looking for them either, because someone’s past is not necessarily a red flag.
Whatever happened before you and whoever was a part of your partner’s life before you came along doesn’t endanger your place in it and shouldn’t bother you.
That’s why you mustn’t allow your partner to compare you to anyone, especially to their exes.
Let them know that you are a separate individual, have no intention of copying their past relationships, and are no one’s rebound or replacement.
Besides, wherever you look, you’ll find people who might be more attractive or smarter than you.
This doesn’t mean that your partner should constantly compare you to any of these people or make you feel bad for not being someone else.
Remember: You’re special and unique just the way you are. If someone doesn’t see it – their loss. They don’t deserve a place in your life.
Compromisso
Um importante padrão de relacionamento que deve ser estabelecido desde o início é o compromisso.
Nunca se deve contentar com um parceiro romântico que não seja totalmente devotado ou dedicado à vossa relação, apesar do amor que possa sentir por ele.
Só precisa de saber que essa pessoa está sempre presente a cem por cento, emocional e mentalmente, na sua relação.
You have to be certain that your romance is as important to them as it is to you, and see that they’re ready to put in the same amount of effort you are.
Ter um parceiro empenhado significa ter um parceiro que sabe que construir uma relação é um trabalho de equipa e que colocará sempre o seu amor no topo da sua lista de prioridades.
It’s having someone who is ready to fight by your side, won’t back out on you on the first sign of the slightest inconvenience, and will be there for you whenever you need them.
Fidelidade
Todos nós temos o direito de nos apaixonarmos pela nossa cara-metade e o seu parceiro não é exceção.
No entanto, se isso acontecer, têm a possibilidade de se afastar com dignidade e a batota nunca é uma opção.
Remember: When a person loves you, they won’t cheat on you. Everything else is empty excuses and lies.
This is something that shouldn’t be especially noted; it’s something that’s a minimum requirement for every relationship.
No entanto, infelizmente, muitas pessoas esquecem-se ultimamente da importância da fidelidade, pelo que é claramente necessário recordá-la como uma norma que nunca se deve sequer pensar em abandonar.
What’s also vital to keep in mind is that cheating is much more than sex or some other physical contact.
It includes flirting, using dating apps, and searching for someone new while you’re still taken, as well as having an caso emocional.
These are all the things you shouldn’t put up with.
Because if you tolerate it once, you’re just giving the other person the green light to keep on hurting you, continue sneaking behind your back, and make you a fool once more.
Ter um parceiro igual
Qualquer relação bem sucedida, e especialmente uma relação romântica, é uma parceria com os seus membros iguais.
Therefore, one of your relationship standards should also be finding a partner who won’t act as if they are above you in any way or expect you to always be the dominant one.
Os dois devem tomar todas as decisões em conjunto e ter a capacidade de assumir a responsabilidade pelos seus actos.
One person shouldn’t be in charge and carry all the weight on their back, nor should anyone be treated as inferior.
Don’t look for someone who’ll be intimidated by your success or use every opportunity to put you down and treat you like you’re their servant.
Don’t look for someone who’ll follow you or go ahead of you. Look for a partner who will walk through life next to you, shoulder to shoulder, holding your hand.
Querer as mesmas coisas
Infelizmente, há situações em que emotions simply aren’t enough, por muito que queiramos que o sejam.
You can love someone with all of your heart, but if the two of you aren’t compatible, there’s no point in fighting for this relationship.
As pessoas inteligentes procuram um parceiro que tenha visões do mundo semelhantes às suas, cuja personalidade se adeqúe ao seu carácter, com quem partilhem objectivos futuros comuns e que queira as mesmas coisas da vida.
Doesn’t sound overly romantic, I know, but it’s reality and the only way a relationship can actually work out.
For example, if your lifelong dream is to become a parent, you can’t expect to be happy with someone who doesn’t plan on having kids.
If you don’t believe in marriage, you can’t plan a future with a person who’d never live with you unwed.
O mesmo se aplica ao seu foco atual.
If you’re into building a career right now, you can’t get along with a partner who took a year off from work and decided to go and travel the world.
Don’t get me wrong – all of us have our differences. But we’re talking about some crucial disagreements here.
Por isso, peço-vos que tenham uma coisa em mente ao estabelecerem os vossos padrões de relacionamento: Os opostos podem atrair-se, mas as semelhanças perduram.
Boa comunicação
Outro quebra-galho que todos devem ter em conta antes de iniciar uma nova relação é a comunicação.
O seu par romântico tem de ser também o seu melhor amigo.
A pessoa que o compreende, que entende o que quer dizer antes mesmo de o dizer, e com quem pode comunicar a um nível maduro, independentemente da situação.
This doesn’t mean that the two of you will never fight and always blindly agree with each other – that’d be impossible.
No entanto, os seus argumentos devem ser tão produtivos quanto possível e devem servir sempre como uma nova lição.
Alguém que te faz feliz
The truth is that you’re responsible for your own happiness. Truth be told, though, your current partner has a lot to do with it.
You see, all relationships have their ups and downs. Even when you find your forever person, there will be times when you won’t feel like the happiest person in the world.
No entanto, o seu parceiro deve ter a capacidade de melhorar a sua vida e de, pelo menos, tentar fazê-lo feliz em geral.
Esta deve ser a pessoa que consegue pôr um sorriso na tua cara, que te faz rir, que tem a capacidade de alegrar o teu dia e que te enxuga as lágrimas.
You should feel safe around them, knowing that all of your troubles and difficulties will be way easier now that you have them and they’re holding your hand tightly.
Ser amado
Todos estes padrões de relacionamento a procurar no seu potencial parceiro são completamente inúteis se não for por uma coisa: amor verdadeiro.
Yes, it’s already been stated that love isn’t enough for maintaining a healthy relationship. but if it isn’t present, everything else is useless and in vain.
So, please never settle for someone who doesn’t love you back or gives you their half-ass love.
Never settle for someone who isn’t your alma gémea e a combinação foi feita no céu!
