17 normas mínimas que debes establecer en una relación

No hay excusa para tener un bajo nivel de exigencia en una relación.

Por mucho que ames a otra persona o tengas miedo de acabar solo, nunca debes conformarte con menos de lo que mereces.

Olvídate de los que te acusan de ser demasiado exigente o de pedir demasiado.

Tienes la suficiente autoestima para saber lo que quieres y eso es algo de lo que estar orgulloso. 

Sin embargo, ¿cómo saber qué normas deben ser las que rompan el trato? ¿Cómo puede saber a qué cosas debe prestar especial atención?

Si estas son las preguntas que te rondan por la cabeza, es hora de que eches un vistazo a nuestra lista de estándares para las relaciones, que representa los requisitos mínimos que deberías buscar en una pareja potencial. 

Lista de normas de relación

Sentirse atraído por la persona

Let’s be real: you can’t expect to enter a new relationship with someone you’re not physically attracted to.

Yes, there are other way more important things to look for while setting relationship standards, but you won’t be able to get yourself to scratch underneath those layers if you don’t first find them attractive.

It doesn’t mean you necessarily have to be turned on by this person the moment you lay eyes on them – you just have to like them enough to be drawn to them.

This person doesn’t have to be beautiful or handsome according to society’s standards – it is enough for them to be appealing to you.

Por supuesto, la atracción física por sí sola nunca puede ser la base de una relación sana.

Puedes compartir una química increíble con alguien, pero si los dos sois no compatible, things won’t work out.

As much as you shouldn’t limit yourself to just one type and reject a person just because they, for example, have brown hair and you prefer jet black. 

Don’t accuse yourself of being shallow or having overly high standards just because of a certain taste when it comes to the opposite sex.

After all, you’re just a human being who’s in a search for a romantic partner, not a best friend.

Saber a qué atenerse

En el mundo moderno de las citas, no poner una etiqueta a una relación no es nada extraordinario.

Muchos hombres y mujeres pasan meses o incluso años saliendo con una persona sin llegar a llamarse novio y novia.

Don’t get me wrong. If both you and your current partner want to keep cosas casuales, there is nothing remotely wrong with that, and it’s not something you should be judged for.

Sin embargo, perder el tiempo y esperar a que alguien tenga la decencia de decidirse por ti es un no rotundo.

After all, we’re talking about setting RELATIONSHIP standards here, aren’t we? So the bare minimum is to actually call all that’s going on a romantic relationship before building it any further.

You’re not old-fashioned for wanting to know where you stand and not accepting someone who’ll lead you on.

You need a partner who won’t have any doubts when it comes to choosing you. Someone who’ll be proud to hold your hand in public.

Remember: You’re nobody’s puppet and you’re completely right for wanting to make things official.

On the other hand, if the other person makes an issue out of this, it’s clear that they don’t match your standards and you shouldn’t spend another minute next to them.

No ser conveniente

Según los expertos en relaciones sentimentales, otro factor que rompe definitivamente el acuerdo es salir con alguien que te considere cómodo y nada más.

You shouldn’t settle for a partner who’s in your life just because it’s time for a serious relationship or because they can’t seem to find anyone better.

You’re not too picky if you demand someone who won’t treat you like plan B or the person they come to when everyone else turn their backs on them.

Don’t be your significant other’s safety net or last resort, and don’t let them equate your relationship to settling for less.

What you want is a partner who keeps on choosing you every day. Someone who can live without you but doesn’t want to.

Someone who wouldn’t trade you for millions of other people and treats you not just like their first option, but the only option they’re willing to even consider.

Ser respetado

Despite what you might think, true love can’t exist without mutual respect.

Por lo tanto, este es uno de los aspectos más importantes a los que debes prestar atención antes de involucrarte en algo serio con otra persona.

Don’t forget that you’re a person and an individual before you’re someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

You’ve invested too much in building yourself until now, so it’d be silly to allow someone who’s just walked into your life to treat you like you’re not enough or not to respect you.

Significa que su ser querido debe respetar también a las personas que le rodean.

They’re not under any obligation to love your best friends and family members, but they certainly must respect the place they have in your life and heart.

Not only that – they also must have enough respect for your time,  career, accomplishments, opinions, attitudes, wishes, and desires, as well as for your personal boundaries and space.

Sin respeto, todo lo demás carece de sentido.

After all, you can’t expect to have a healthy relationship with someone who uses every opportunity to put you down, diminish your worth, or insult you in any way (especially in front of others).

Todos estos son enormes banderas rojas de faltas de respeto a las que debe estar atento.

Ser apreciado

Aunque mucha gente confunde los términos respeto y aprecio, los expertos en relaciones dicen que estos dos conceptos son en realidad bastante diferentes, además de tener algunas similitudes.

When you’re appreciated, your efforts and hard work are not taken for granted and your current partner is aware that everything you’re doing is for the sake of your relationship.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you ought to expect constant gratitude for acting like every normal person should in a relationship.

Tu pareja no está obligada a besar el suelo que pisas por cada pequeña cosa que haces por ella.

That said, it’s nice knowing that you’re not doing anything in vain, and that your efforts are seen and acknowledged.

It’s nice knowing that the other person is thankful for the fact that you’re giving your best, and appreciative of all the hard work you’re putting in this relationship.

No ser controlado

Lamentablemente, hay mucha gente que tiene un listón más bajo de lo que debería y piensa que los celos equivalen al amor verdadero.

Sí, un poco de celos es bonito, pero cuando cruza la línea del buen gusto, puede ser potencialmente peligroso.

Of course, your partner wouldn’t stand still while watching you, for example, kiss another person.

It’s natural for them to be afraid of losing you and therefore have a tiny dose of jealousy in themselves.

However, it’s completely different if your current partner is posesivo and controlling, and this is the arrangement you shouldn’t accept under any circumstances whatsoever.

This person needs to be aware that you’ve had friends, family members, hobbies, and a life of your own before they tagged along, and that you won’t throw it all away just because they’ve become a part of it now.

It’s insane to have a partner who forbids you to have friends of the opposite sex or hang out with your family members.

Uno que está constantemente a tu espalda, sospecha de todos tus movimientos, te acusa constantemente de engañarte sin pruebas concretas, revisa tu teléfono en busca de aplicaciones de citas, te acosa o limita tu libertad de cualquier otra forma.

This is not love – it’s a form of emotional slavery and something you should never put up with.

Ser aceptado

Lo cierto es que en muchos casos de relaciones románticas, las personas esperan cambiar el uno por el otro en el futuro.

You meet another human being that you think would be perfect for you – with slight modifications.

La gente rara vez se enamora de otras personas. En cambio, se enamoran de su potencial y de lo que podrían llegar a ser.

Needless to say, when the expected change doesn’t happen, problems arise. 

That’s exactly why your process of setting standards has to include finding a person who will accept you for who you really are.

Una persona que será completamente consciente de tus defectos sin intentar borrarlos nunca.

Es alguien que refuerza tu autoestima y te empuja a convertirte en tu mejor yo, sin necesidad de cambiarte.

La persona quién te inspira to engage in more self care and self love, so you become better for yourself – not for them.

Yes, a healthy relationship is based on compromise, there’s no doubt about that.

There will be hundreds of situations in which you’ll probably have to meet your partner halfway or do some things you would prefer not doing.

Podrías hacer algunos cambios en tus hábitos o modificar algunas cosillas que les molestan.

However, this doesn’t mean that you should allow them to try and cambiar la esencia de tu personalidad y transformarte en una persona completamente distinta.

Si esto ocurre, ambos acabaréis insatisfechos.

They’ll never be able to truly change you, which will make them unhappy while you’ll be uneasy in the constant struggle between the person you really are and the person you ought to become according to their standards.

Therefore, if you see that your partner can’t seem to accept the true you, walk away in time and save both of you a lot of unnecessary headaches, because they’re definitely not your soulmate.

No ser utilizado para el sexo

No hay nada malo en tener una relación sin ataduras, siempre que ambos hayáis decidido que las cosas sean así.

Sin embargo, lo último que alguien debería experimentar es ser un reclamo para la persona a la que realmente quiere y con la que desea algo más.

A mature relationship is much more than sex. It has to be based on other things as well. The same goes with intimacy – it’s not only physical. It’s built on many other levels.

Así que no. don’t have high standards if you’re content with a partner who pretends they like you just to get in your pants.

You should never settle for crumbs of someone’s love and connect it with the attention they give to your body only.

Remember: You’re a whole package and if someone has a problem with that, they don’t deserve getting parts of you either.

Si una persona quiere tu cuerpo, tiene que esforzarse por ganarse también tu corazón y tu cerebro.

Pero tener buen sexo

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that good quality sex is not required for a well functioning love life – it definitely is.

You probably won’t notice its importance while everything is in perfect order, but if it happens that things in the bedroom start going downhill or if you experience lack of sex, you’ll immediately notice that your entire relationship is affected.

Let’s get one thing straight. There’s no such thing as people who are good or bad at sex, only ones who suit you or not. That’s why you always have to have a sexually compatible partner. 

Por eso, tener las mismas preferencias sexuales, que te gusten cosas parecidas y las mismas ganas de probar cosas nuevas (o no) es uno de los requisitos imprescindibles en toda relación.

If that’s not the case, neither of you will be happy under the sheets, which will  sooner or later reflect on other aspects of your relationship.

Also, when you’re setting standards, pay attention to the effort your partner puts in in the bedroom.

You can’t be with someone who looks after their needs only and doesn’t give a damn about your satisfaction.

No compararse con nadie

Todos tenemos un bagaje emocional y unas experiencias amorosas que nos han convertido en lo que somos hoy.

When you reach a certain age, it becomes impossible to find a person without any romantic history, and this isn’t something you should factor in when setting relationship standards. 

And you shouldn’t try looking for them either, because someone’s past is not necessarily a red flag.

Whatever happened before you and whoever was a part of your partner’s life before you came along doesn’t endanger your place in it and shouldn’t bother you.

That’s why you mustn’t allow your partner to compare you to anyone, especially to their exes.

Let them know that you are a separate individual,  have no intention of copying their past relationships, and are no one’s rebound or replacement.

Besides, wherever you look, you’ll find people who might be more attractive or smarter than you.

This doesn’t mean that your partner should constantly compare you to any of these people or make you feel bad for not being someone else.

Remember: You’re special and unique just the way you are. If someone doesn’t see it – their loss. They don’t deserve a place in your life.

Compromiso

Una norma importante en las relaciones que debes establecer desde el principio es el compromiso.

Nunca debes conformarte con una pareja romántica que no esté totalmente entregada o dedicada a vuestra relación, a pesar del amor que puedas sentir por ella.

Simplemente necesitas saber que esa persona está al cien por cien emocional y mentalmente presente en vuestra relación en todo momento.

You have to be certain that your romance is as important to them as it is to you, and see that they’re ready to put in the same amount of effort you are.

Tener una pareja comprometida significa tener una pareja que sabe que construir una relación es un trabajo en equipo y que siempre pondrá tu amor en lo más alto de su lista de prioridades.

It’s having someone who is ready to fight by your side, won’t back out on you on the first sign of the slightest inconvenience, and will be there for you whenever you need them.

Fidelidad

Todos tenemos derecho a desenamorarnos de nuestra media naranja, y tu pareja no es una excepción.

Sin embargo, si esto ocurre, tienen la posibilidad de marcharse con dignidad y el engaño nunca es una opción.

Remember: When a person loves you, they won’t cheat on you. Everything else is empty excuses and lies.

This is something that shouldn’t be especially noted; it’s something that’s a minimum requirement for every relationship.

Sin embargo, por desgracia, muchas personas olvidan últimamente la importancia de la fidelidad, por lo que es claramente necesario plantearla como una norma a la que nunca se debe ni pensar en renunciar.

What’s also vital to keep in mind is that cheating is much more than sex or some other physical contact.

It includes flirting, using dating apps, and searching for someone new while you’re still taken, as well as having an aventura emocional.

These are all the things you shouldn’t put up with.

Because if you tolerate it once, you’re just giving the other person the green light to keep on hurting you, continue sneaking behind your back, and make you a fool once more.

Tener un socio igualitario

Toda relación exitosa, y especialmente una romántica, es una asociación con sus miembros en pie de igualdad.

Therefore, one of your relationship standards should also be finding a partner who won’t act as if they are above you in any way or expect you to always be the dominant one.

Los dos debéis tomar todas las decisiones juntos y tener la capacidad de responsabilizaros de vuestros actos.

One person shouldn’t be in charge and carry all the weight on their back, nor should anyone be treated as inferior.

Don’t look for someone who’ll be intimidated by your success or use every opportunity to put you down and treat you like you’re their servant.

Don’t look for someone who’ll follow you or go ahead of you. Look for a partner who will walk through life next to you, shoulder to shoulder, holding your hand.

Querer las mismas cosas

Lamentablemente, hay situaciones en las que emotions simply aren’t enoughtanto como queramos.

You can love someone with all of your heart, but if the two of you aren’t compatible, there’s no point in fighting for this relationship.

Las personas inteligentes buscan una pareja que tenga una visión del mundo similar a la suya, cuya personalidad se adapte a su carácter, con la que compartan objetivos futuros comunes y que quiera las mismas cosas de la vida.

Doesn’t sound overly romantic, I know, but it’s reality and the only way a relationship can actually work out.

For example, if your lifelong dream is to become a parent, you can’t expect to be happy with someone who doesn’t plan on having kids.

If you don’t believe in marriage, you can’t plan a future with a person who’d never live with you unwed.

Lo mismo ocurre con su enfoque actual.

If you’re into building a career right now, you can’t get along with a partner who took a year off from work and decided to go and travel the world. 

Don’t get me wrong – all of us have our differences. But we’re talking about some crucial disagreements here.

Por lo tanto, te ruego que tengas en cuenta una cosa a la hora de establecer tus normas de relación: Los polos opuestos se atraen, pero las semejanzas perduran.

Buena comunicación

Otro dealbreaker que todo el mundo debería tener en cuenta antes de iniciar una nueva relación es la comunicación.

Tu pareja romántica también tiene que ser tu mejor amigo.

La persona que te entiende, que comprende lo que quieres decir incluso antes de decirlo, y con la que puedes comunicarte a un nivel maduro, sea cual sea la situación.

This doesn’t mean that the two of you will never fight and always blindly agree with each other – that’d be impossible.

Sin embargo, sus argumentos deben ser lo más productivos posible y servir siempre como una nueva lección.

Alguien que te haga feliz

The truth is that you’re responsible for your own happiness. Truth be told, though, your current partner has a lot to do with it.

You see, all relationships have their ups and downs. Even when you find your forever person, there will be times when you won’t feel like the happiest person in the world.

Sin embargo, tu pareja debe tener la capacidad de mejorar tu vida y, al menos, intentar hacerte feliz en general.

Debe ser la persona capaz de hacerte sonreír, de hacerte reír, de alegrarte el día y de secarte las lágrimas.

You should feel safe around them, knowing that all of your troubles and difficulties will be way easier now that you have them and they’re holding your hand tightly. 

Ser querido

Todas estas normas de relación que debes buscar en tu pareja potencial son completamente inútiles si no es por una cosa: el amor verdadero.

Yes, it’s already been stated that love isn’t enough for maintaining a healthy relationship. but if it isn’t present, everything else is useless and in vain.

So, please never settle for someone who doesn’t love you back or gives you their half-ass love.

Never settle for someone who isn’t your alma gemela y ¡pareja hecha en el cielo!