5 dicas bem-sucedidas para ser pai ou mãe com um narcisista

Libertar-se de uma relação com um narcisista é uma das coisas mais difíceis e dolorosas que qualquer vítima tem de fazer. Mas é ainda mais difícil quando há crianças envolvidas.

Tudo o que queres fazer é ir nenhum contacto but that is impossible because you have your kids tying you to this man for the rest of your life. Even though you want to protect your kids from this man’s toxicity, he is their father and you know you have to find a way to co-parent with him in the most successful way.

Mas, ao mesmo tempo, tem de se certificar de que se mantém sã e mentalmente saudável, para seu próprio bem e para o bem dos seus filhos. E aqui estão 5 formas de o ajudar a fazê-lo.

1. Don’t let him put the blame on you

É um facto comprovado que narcisistas don’t have a sense of responsibility. And even when they know that they are the one who screwed things up, they’ll never admit it. Instead, they will try to put all the blame on their victim for everything that went on.

E é exatamente isso que o seu ex vai tentar fazer. Vai tentar fazer com que pareça o mau da fita e vai tentar fazê-la sentir-se culpada por ter destruído a sua família e por não ter dado aos seus filhos a oportunidade de serem educados por ambos os pais.

Don’t let him get to you! Remember, you are not to blame. These are just his manipulations in which he tries to make you go back to him one way or another.

2. Falar com ele apenas sobre as crianças

When you leave a narcissistic partner, the first advice you’ll hear is to cut all possible ties with him. But something like this is impossible when the two of you are co-parenting.

The truth is that you have to communicate with your ex, regarding your children. And without a doubt, he’ll do his best to use everything he has to try and get to you. He’ll try to talk to you about everything that happened between you guys and he’ll try to manipulate his way into getting back together.

This is something you should never allow, at any cost. Remember—every narcissist is sneaky. He won’t ask you to go back to him on his first try. Instead, he’ll patiently work his way under your skin, step by step, without you even realizing what is going on.

Para evitar isso, fale com ele apenas sobre as crianças. Faça o seu melhor para o ver como o pai dos seus filhos e nada mais. Desligue-se de todas as emoções pessoais que teve ou possa ainda ter por este homem.

3. Estabelecer um horário rigoroso e cumpri-lo

The moment you split with your narcissistic ex is the moment in which you’ll have to strictly agree on visiting hours or days. And this is something you’ll have to stick to if you want a peaceful life.

Trust me—he’ll try to continue destroying your life by ruining your plans and by not picking up the kids when he should or by asking to see them outside of his schedule. Don’t allow him to do this under any circumstance because if you do, you are just giving him another way of controlling your time.

4. Ser o melhor exemplo para os seus filhos

When you are co-parenting with a narcissist, you are not the only one who can teach your children important moral values. You are not the only one who can be their role model and you don’t have a complete impact on their raising.

Quer queira quer não, o seu ex também tem um grande efeito sobre eles e eles admiram-no, porque não têm consciência da sua toxicidade.
Even though you can’t be the one to talk trash their father, what you can do is set the best possible example for your children.

Mostrar-lhes a importância de autocuidado and self-love. Teach them the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. Don’t focus on trying to explain to your kids why their father is not behaving properly—teach them to be better than him with your own examples, without even mentioning him.

5. Educar os seus filhos sobre os abusos

I know this is something you don’t want to do but if your children are exposed to toxic behavior, you need to teach them how to recognize abuse and how to protect themselves from it. I know this is something you don’t want to think about but the truth is that there is a possibility for your kids to become a narcissist’s victims as well, without you even noticing it.

É por isso que tem de se esforçar por explicar-lhes que podem contar-lhe tudo o que os incomoda. Deve ensinar os seus filhos a nomear e a identificar os diferentes tipos de abuso.

Don’t use your past relationship as an example and don’t talk to them about what their father did to you. Instead, give them other examples of emotional, verbal and abuso físico, adequado à sua idade.