Como deixar de ser um narcisista: Um processo de 12 passos para quebrar os seus padrões de comportamento

As long as you’re trying to figure out how to stop being a narcissist, congratulations—you’re one step ahead.

It means you’re at least becoming aware of your problem, which can’t be said for most of your peers who are narcissists.

It doesn’t matter whether you recognized the symptoms of perturbação da personalidade narcísica se por si próprio ou se um profissional de saúde mental lhe disse que sofre de NPD, ler todas estas coisas sobre si próprio é assustador.

Por isso, deixem-me dar-vos um pouco de esperança; podem ser curados e podem mudar, apesar do que as pessoas ignorantes vos possam dizer.

No, it won’t be easy but it can be done. If you just read on, we’re offering you the answer to the question: ‘How to stop being a narcissist?’

1. Admitir que tem um problema

O problema número um da maioria das pessoas com tendências narcisistas e das que sofrem de qualquer doença mental em geral é o facto de negarem que têm um problema.

Everyone around them keeps telling you that you should get some treatment and that it’s about time to make some changes to your character but you simply can’t get it in your head.

Em vez disso, justifica o seu comportamento tóxico e culpa todo o ambiente que o rodeia pelas suas acções.

In fact, even when you notice that something is off, you observe it is as an episode and refuse to face the truth—that you’re suffering from a serious NPD and that something has to be done about it.

Yes, saying: “I’m a narcissist,” for the first time is hard work but you have to do it. However, you can’t ask yourself: “How do I stop being a narcissist?” unless you say, “I’m a narcissist,” first.

Before you make any concrete moves, firstly, you have to accept this reality. Don’t worry—there is no shame in it and you will manage to handle your disorder if you start with healing yourself in the healthiest way possible.

2. Estar disposto a aceitar a mudança

They say that people don’t change after a certain age, that we all basically stay who we essentially are, that we have the ability to adapt to a certain situation but that sooner or later, our true colors will swim back to the surface, as much as we try to control them.

Well, there is something missing in this commonly used phrase—people don’t change a não ser que o queiram fazer.

They don’t do it to please someone else or under any kind of pressure—they only do it when they feel it’s the right thing to do.

So, that’s the difference between you and anyone else and that’s why you’ll succeed—you’re the one who really decided to change your ways.

Therefore, you have to be willing to change. You have to be open to this new you who will arise from this process; you’ll have to love and accept yourself like never before.

3. Chegar à raiz do seu narcisismo

Now that you’ve made up your mind and are certain about sticking to your decision, it’s time to start exploring your narcissistic personality disorder a little bit deeper.

I warn you—you’ll have a hard time doing so; after all, nobody likes digging through their old emotional wounds but it has to be done if you expect any kind of progress.

The main question here is: “What made you become a narcissist and have these narcissistic tendencies?” No, you weren’t born with the narcissistic traits you have today; your true self was turned into this toxic person.

First and foremost, let’s go back to your early childhood.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m sure your parents did the best they could do to raise you properly but sometimes, they can be the ones who caused your narcissistic personality disorder.

Sentiu-se suficientemente amado durante a sua educação? Ou sentiu-se demasiado amado?

Sim, uma educação insensível ou demasiado sensível pode ser a razão pela qual alguém se torna narcisista.

Outras causas podem ser demasiadas expectativas ou críticas constantes. Talvez nunca tenha desenvolvido a sua autoestima da forma correcta e tenha tentado fugir para o narcisismo.

Além disso, qualquer tipo de abuso, incluindo emocional ou verbal, pode estar na origem da perturbação da personalidade narcísica.

Seja o que for que esteja em causa, quando chegar ao fundo da sua traumasDesta vez, pare de fugir delas. Para variar, faça o seu melhor para as processar e tente deixá-las no passado, onde elas pertencem.

4. Aprender o que o despoleta

The next step also includes a lot of introspection, self-help and self-awareness because this is when you’ll learn about your triggers.

What has to happen for you to become like this because you certainly don’t display your narcissistic behavior all the time? What makes you react the most and what turns you into a toxic person?

Alguns pessoas narcisistas are triggered by people telling them, “No,” and some react negatively when they feel threatened or intimidated or when their confidence is shook, while others can’t stand criticism.

Therefore, it’s your job to get to the bottom of your personality and see what concerns you the most. This way, you’ll have a better understanding of your actions and you’ll be able to control them more.

Tenha em conta que todas as pessoas têm determinados factores de desencadeamento.

However, the difference between you and the rest of the world is that you stop being in charge of yourself the moment you are ‘provoked’, you shut off completely and your narcissistic self appears on the scene.

5. Enumere os seus comportamentos narcísicos

Once you’ve finished with the root of your issue and your triggers, go on and list the types of behaviors you connect with narcissism as well.

Por vezes, pode nem se aperceber desses comportamentos, pelo que talvez a sua lista deva incluir as coisas a que as pessoas mais próximas têm prestado atenção.

Como reage quando é acionado?

Do you have an anger outburst the moment someone in your surroundings doesn’t give you the response you expected, do you go all passive-aggressive on them, do you engage in emotional manipulation or do you just emotionally withdraw and ignore them?

If necessary, observe yourself for a certain amount of time to get the real result. Get yourself a diary in which you can write about specific situations—what brings you to your narcissistic behavior and how you react.

6. Elaborar um plano de ação

The next step after writing your diary would be making a plan. You accepted your mistakes, you took full responsibility for them and now it’s time to do something so they don’t happen ever again.

Therefore, it’s your job to imagine your perfect response and reaction to a certain situation.

Reveja os acontecimentos em que se comportou mal e pergunte a si próprio se as coisas podiam ser melhoradas, se poderia ter havido um resultado diferente se tivesse sido diferente e se há uma forma de construir relações saudáveis com os seus entes queridos.

I won’t lie to you—you won’t start acting all nice and perfect overnight. After all, this doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be angry or sad from time to time; these are all basic human reactions.

However, it will be much easier for you to take charge of your narcissistic behavior if you have this plan somewhere in the back of your head. Trust me—before you know it, you’ll catch yourself acting on it.

7. Trabalhar a sua baixa autoestima

What most people don’t know is that one of the symptoms of personalidade narcísica A desordem é um ego extremamente frágil.

Sim, parece estar tão cheio de si e fingir que tem uma enorme autoestima e a melhor imagem possível de si próprio, mas, na verdade, a verdade é bem diferente.

The problem with NPD is that your confidence depends on other people’s opinions and you take advantage of others to get the praise you desperately need.

Seeking validation is actually your narcissistic supply, something you can’t function without.

Well, if you’re figuring out how to stop being a narcissist, the best way to do so is to start working on your low self-esteem.

However, I’m talking about different kinds of self-esteem here—about ones which are not related to your ego. It means improving your self image and the way you perceive yourself.

Significa sentir-se bem consigo próprio, sem depender do que os outros têm para dizer.

8. Tomar consciência das suas acções

Para além da autoestima, há outras coisas a desenvolver: a atenção plena e a auto-consciência. Isto significa estar plenamente consciente das suas acções e da forma como elas o afectam a si e às outras pessoas à sua volta.

Desde que te lembras, colocaste-te em primeiro lugar; eras egocêntrico e só cuidou das suas próprias necessidades.

Devido ao seu sentido de auto-importância e à sua tendência para a grandiosidade, só se preocupa com as coisas que têm um impacto direto nos seus sentimentos ou no seu ego e nunca se preocupa com as consequências que o seu comportamento pode ter para os outros.

Well, it’s time to change that.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that you should spend the rest of your life overthinking your every move before actually doing something about it but you certainly have to become more thoughtful when it comes to your actions and the way others handle them.

9. Encontrar uma forma de adiar o seu comportamento narcisista

I won’t lie to you—as much as you try, you can’t become your true self overnight.

You can have an epiphany but you won’t wake up the next morning, after reading this step by step guide, with someone else’s mind and heart in your yesterday body.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make any progress. In fact, just take baby steps, one at a time and before you know it, you’ll reach your goal and see for yourself how to stop being a narcissist.

Por isso, existe esta prática fantástica com que pode começar a sua viagem. Em vez de matar ou apagar magicamente todos os seus impulsos narcísicos, pelo menos dê o seu melhor para atrasar o seu comportamento narcísico.

Em vez de olhar sempre para o quadro geral, concentre-se numa situação de cada vez.

O seu objetivo é controlar-se num determinado momento, sem pensar no que poderá acontecer na próxima vez que se encontrar numa situação semelhante.

Sempre que sentir uma explosão de raiva ou um episódio de chantagem emocional a aproximar-se, experimente inspirar e expirar lentamente durante alguns segundos e tente contar até dez antes de dizer qualquer coisa ou respirar mais.

This way, you’ll manage to calm your body, mind and heart and you’ll be more in charge of yourself.

10. Praticar a empatia e a bondade

All people suffering from this disorder share one narcissistic trait—they suffer from a lack of empathy and they have a hard time sympathizing with others.

They think they’re the only ones who matter in this world and they rarely take other people’s feelings or viewpoints into account and nor do they give a damn about the needs of others.

If this is something you can relate to, you’re probably wondering how to stop being a narcisista dissimulado.

Bem, isso tem de mudar de uma forma ou de outra. No entanto, a boa notícia é que a empatia, como a maioria das outras coisas, pode ser praticada.

A partir de agora, antes de agir, tente pensar como se sentirá o destinatário das suas palavras e acções.

It doesn’t matter whether you are about to display your toxic behavior or you plan on being nice—just put yourself in their place and see whether you’d like someone treating you that way or not.

If you don’t succeed in doing this in the middle of your episode, rethink the entire situation once you get calmer and try walking a mile in the vítima do seu abuso narcísico’s shoes. It’s not pleasant, is it now?

Well, you’re the only one who can end it.

An important step toward putting an end to this lack of empathy is kindness. Instead of just perceiving other people’s negative emotions, focus on the good ones as well.

For a change, be kind to someone else, without expecting anything in return and without it being a part of your sneaky plan you’re yet to reveal.

Try figuring out how these people you treated nicely feel and focus on how being the reason for someone’s smile makes you feel.

11. Deixar de deitar os outros abaixo

Another symptom of narcissism is the grandiosity, sense of superiority and self-importance over everyone around you—your coworkers, best friends and closest family members.

A narcissistic trait is having this sense of entitlement and thinking you’re above everyone else, which often results in narcissistic abuse.

Actually, your sense of self-love comes from taking advantage of others and using your loved ones to give you compliments and make you feel like they’re below you.

Guess what? They’re not!

Even if you disagree with someone, that doesn’t make you smarter or more wise.

Even if you’re better looking or earn more money, you shouldn’t have this sense of entitlement and nor should you feel like you’re the privileged one.

Lembra-se de termos falado de empatia?

Well, the next time you try ruining someone’s self-confidence in order to get your narcissistic supply or feel that your sense of superiority is about to take over, wait a second and ask yourself how the victims of your abuso narcísico sentir.

12. Pedir ajuda profissional

While figuring out how to stop being a narcissist, you’re convinced that your loved ones, including your closest friends, coworkers and family members, are all the help you need in this self-healing process.

Even though seeking support from them is a huge step toward your recovery, sometimes you need professional help with this issue—and that is nothing you should be ashamed of.

Existem profissionais de saúde mental com um doutoramento sobre este assunto e outros semelhantes, pelo que saberão sem dúvida como o ajudar a resolver o seu problema da forma correcta.

Don’t worry—nobody will judge you there but nobody can do the dirty work for you.

Instead, they will just show you the way, take your head through this tunnel all the way toward the light and, most importantly, give you the answer to the question: ‘How to stop being a narcissist?’