15 factos perturbadores sobre os homens com baixa autoestima

Lidar com homens que têm baixa autoestima não é tarefa fácil. Estar perto de uma pessoa com a autoestima comprometida e que precisa de validação constante pode afetar a pessoa mais dura.

Responde-me a isto: Será que o homem que amas luta com o seu próprio valor e amor-próprio? Tem pensamentos negativos, uma imagem corporal distorcida e recorre frequentemente ao humor auto-depreciativo?

If so, then you’re dealing with a man who has severe signs of low self-esteem. This type of person has a completely twisted sense of self, and being with him cannot lead to a healthy relationship.

Infelizmente, as mulheres são conhecidas por tolerar este tipo de comportamento com demasiada frequência.

But, having your every day ruined by your partner’s lack of self-confidence, which is chipping away at your healthy self-esteem is wrong!

Estar numa relação duradoura com um homem que tem baixa autoestima pode impedir o seu crescimento e afetar a sua saúde mental.

It’s important to pay attention to the red flags your partner exhibits and romper antes que as coisas vão longe demais.

Os homens com baixa autoestima podem parecer inofensivos, mas com o passar do tempo, o seu comportamento pode tornar-se abusivo e controlador.

If you’re unsure whether he has self-esteem issues, I’ll shed some light on the matter. It’s time to put your own life first.

If you realize that you’re in a relação tóxica, vai-se embora. Na eventualidade de o seu homem pode ser ajudado, continue a ler para obter conselhos sobre como o fazer cuidadosamente.

Whatever your next step is, please make sure that it’s in your favor.

Ver também: 4 diferenças entre uma ligação genuína e uma ligação tóxica

Sinais alarmantes de homens com baixa autoestima

Let’s examine how a human being with self-esteem issues behaves in (and outside) his relationship.

Se reconhecer o seu parceiro através destes sinais, então considere cuidadosamente o seu próximo passo.

Reage mal a críticas construtivas.

Um dos maiores sinais de baixa autoestima é a sua incapacidade de aceitar qualquer tipo de crítica. Sempre que se tenta apontar algo de que ele possa não gostar, ele leva isso a peito.

Everything is an attack and there is no reasoning with him. Even if you’re attempting to talk about these precise issues, he’ll accuse you of constantly picking fights.

Quando alguém se debate internamente, tende a projetar os seus medos de inadequação e inseguranças nos seus entes queridos.

Compreendo que seja doloroso, mas não deves levar para o lado pessoal. O comportamento dele tem origem em problemas que, muito provavelmente, são anteriores à vossa relação.

He often “jokingly” puts you down.

Oftentimes, this happens in front of your female friends. He insists that it’s a mere joke and you shouldn’t take it personally.

But, how could you not? He’s the man you love and the main cause of your stress and anxiety, but remember, when he puts you down, it’s not really about you. He’s just making up for his lack of self-confidence.

When a person with low self-esteem puts you down, it’s because of their feelings of not being good enough.

He’s emotionally very needy, which often becomes draining.

This one shouldn’t come as a surprise. As someone with severe self-esteem issues, it would be surprising if this wasn’t the case. Let me guess. He constantly craves attention.

É provável que tenha de estar mais atento aos sentimentos, algo que nunca teve de fazer antes.

Things you’d normally say or do with someone else, you can’t dream of saying to him as he’d be crushed under the tiniest criticism.

To say that being with him is draining is the understatement of the century. Tell me I’m wrong?

Ver também: 5 desculpas que você deve parar de usar para permanecer em um relacionamento tóxico

He can’t keep anyone’s attention.

Furthermore, he’s jealous of his male friends for being able to hold conversations without anyone rolling eyes at them.

O pobre coitado começa uma conversa e, a meio, esquece-se da sua linha de pensamento. Isto, por sua vez, faz com que as pessoas não queiram entrar em qualquer tipo de comunicação com ele.

Como é que podem? Acaba sempre por ser estranho, desconfortável e profundamente desnecessário. Quem é que quer isso?

Ele precisa de validação constante em tudo o que faz.

This is one of my least favorite qualities in a person. It’s fine if, sometimes, you’re unsure about doing something and seek a loved one’s validation.

But, constantly depending on others to tell you that you’re doing okay and steer you in the right direction is just annoying.

Vamos lá! Tome uma decisão e mantenha-se fiel a ela. Inicie uma conversa e termine-a com uma nota significativa.

Needing constant confirmation is a quality of a sad, insecure man who doesn’t even want to get better.

Ele atira-nos à cara os seus feitos e capacidades.

Now, we’re getting to some of the nastiest qualities of men with low self-esteem. They are exceedingly self-important, which makes them gloat over any accomplishment.

Even if you’re experiencing a particularly rough period, instead of consoling you and being sensitive to your feelings, he’ll blatantly blurt out how great things have been going for him.

Eu sei, um parvalhão. Eles aproveitam os teus pontos baixos, especialmente quando coincidem com os pontos altos dele. Isso faz o ano dele.

Ele é um mau perdedor.

Oh, yeah. Have I mentioned what a sore, sore loser he is? He can’t stand the idea of someone being better than him.

Whether it’s a board game, real-life, or a work event, if he’s not the center of attention for being the best, he’ll be furious.

I bet that’s not a pretty picture (to say the least). I’ve been with a man of this sort, and I fully get how emotionally immature and self-absorbed they are.

They take everything way too seriously, almost as if it’s all a matter of life or death. (Divertido, não é?)

When you don’t give him attention, he demands it anyway.

He’s a jerk like that. It doesn’t matter that you have a job, responsibilities, and days when you don’t feel your best.

Se ele quiser a vossa atenção, he has to get it. It’s almost as if your purpose is to be his constant cheerleader. Now, don’t get me wrong.

It’s super important to push each other in relationships, but never at the cost of your partner’s feelings.

You must have some boundaries; otherwise, it’s a one-man show, and that’s the opposite of what a healthy relationship is.

É ciumento, possessivo e controlador.

If he doesn’t hear from you for a short bit, he stalks your social media to find out where you are.

Exige saber sempre o seu paradeiro e tenta proibi-lo de ir a algum lado.

If you have male friends, he’s likely beyond jealous and suspicious, even though you’ve never given him a reason to be.

He accuses you of all kinds of things when you’ve done nothing wrong, and oftentimes, you’re the one apologizing for his mess-ups.

A sua natureza controladora está a ficar fora de controlo.

Ver também: Comportamento de controlo: Sinais, causas e como lidar com ele

He pressures you into things you’re not comfortable with.

If you’re not in the mood for some fun under the sheets, he emotionally blackmails you into doing it. I mean, who does that?

You’re perfectly within your right to say no, but the thing is, he doesn’t believe that’s the case. He probably hits you with something like: “If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t be denying me this.”

Now, let me tell you something about guys like that. They’re self-entitled pricks who don’t care about you one bit.

All your man cares about is having his needs met without giving a rat’s ass about how that might affect you.

Ele está sempre a dizer que não é digno de si.

This might sound innocent, but let me assure you that it’s not. He only goes on about you being “too good” for him in order to soften you up for when he acts the way he shouldn’t.

With this in mind, you’ll be more inclined to look through his BS, knowing how much he supposedly cherishes you.

Hopefully, now, you won’t fall for that. He emotionally manipulates you in order to always get what he wants. To him, love is a game, and he’s a really good player.

He might have low self-esteem, but that doesn’t stop him from taking you down with him. Here’s an idea, don’t let him!

He relishes other people’s failures.

Oh, how he enjoys other people’s failures. He might pretend that he doesn’t, but trust me, it makes him feel empowered.

Como luta contra o sentimento de ser inadequado, sente um alívio imediato quando alguém falha em alguma coisa. Em vez de ser um ser humano normal e apoiar os seus entes queridos nas dificuldades, ele alimenta-se deles.

This is a twisted man who’ll never be able to be happy for your success. The more you advance in all areas of life, the less it’ll make him feel like a man.

In that sense, he’s an old-fashioned man. According to him, your place is probably in the kitchen and taking care of the family while he brings home the bacon.

Please, remind him that it’s 2020 and that sort of thinking is extremely dated and unwelcome!

He’s a lousy support system during critical moments.

When a man feels that his self-inflicted issues trump your well-deserved happiness, that’s your sign of trouble.

Yes, relationships are 50:50, but you’re supposed to lift each other, NOT tear each other down. When you need a good support system, he doesn’t get a free pass for being overly self-deprecating.

O requisito dele como seu parceiro é amá-lo, apoiá-lo e colocá-lo em primeiro lugar. Se não pudermos contar com o nosso parceiro para isso, qual é o presságio para a nossa relação?

Honestly, I’m certain that you’ve started to put two and two together. While having high self-esteem at all times is challenging, the bad days should never outnumber the good ones.

Go get yourself a guy who’ll treat you like the queen that you are. We all have our issues and that’s perfectly fine.

Mas ter de se preocupar constantemente em andar sobre cascas de ovos ao pé da pessoa que amamos é um trabalho árduo. Pergunte a si própria o seguinte: Será que ele vale mesmo a pena?

Ver também: 5 sinais de masculinidade tóxica no seu homem

8 maneiras como os problemas de autoestima dele prejudicam o seu bem-estar

This is how men with low self-esteem affect their loved ones. You get so used to being in a toxic environment that you don’t stop to consider these damaging effects.

Faz-nos desconfiar de nos aproximarmos de alguém.

Estar com um homem que luta internamente pode deixar uma marca numa mulher. Por um lado, começa lentamente a fazer com que tenha medo de se aproximar de alguém novo.

You may have been an open, genuine, wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve type of person, but with time, you’ll realize how much being with him has changed you.

His constant negativity and self-deprecation rub off on you every day and turn you into someone you don’t recognize.

The experience you’ve had with him makes you wary of encountering someone like him again, which is why you ficar longe de qualquer nova relação significativa.

Desenvolve uma visão pessimista da vida.

À semelhança do sinal acima, a sua personalidade alegre antes de o conhecer transformou-se em pó. Já te apercebeste disso?

You no longer smile as much as you used to and it’s becoming harder and harder to find a glimmer of hope in negative situations.

Costumavas ser um raio de sol, mas agora, tudo isso mudou.

You’re used to being around someone who can be best described as an energy vampire, and that chips away at your happiness one day at a time.

It never happens overnight. You just wake up one day and realize that you’re just a shell of the woman you used to be.

You forget what it’s like to be genuinely happy.

I don’t like to be cheesy, but I’m guessing that you feel as if a dark rain cloud follows you wherever you go. Am I close?

This isn’t surprising, as you become like the company you keep (in this case, toxic and unhealthy). Your positivity cannot survive constant negativity.

Por mais que se tente mudar essa pessoa, com o tempo, percebe-se que ele mudou tu… unfortunately for the worst.

There’s good news, though. It doesn’t have to stay that way. You can go back to being the woman you used to be. All you have to do is do what’s right for YOU.

Ver também: Um guia de sobrevivência de 16 passos para a auto-aversão

Arruína a sua autoestima.

De repente, a sua autoestima vai pela porta fora. A mulher que podia conquistar o mundo (ou pelo menos acreditava que podia) já não sente que pode conquistar o dia.

Believe me, I’ve been there. I’m usually as happy as they come. Even when I bite off more than I can chew, I never let it overwhelm me.

I know I’ll always find a way.

But, being constantly plagued by a man’s lack of self-confidence, bordering with toxicity, really takes a toll on you. What used to feel like a welcomed challenge now is a burdensome task.

There’s no room for you to grow.

In this type of environment, you’re never able to put yourself first. Your well-being is always on the back burner.

Estar com ele é tudo sobre ele e as suas necessidades. No meio de todo este caos, esquece-se de cuidar de si própria.

You neglect to ask yourself how you are. And, the worst thing is, you don’t even stop to think how messed up that is.

This is why it’s so important to distance yourself from anyone who takes so much more than they give. Your well-being isn’t something to be taken lightly.

When you’re suffocated by his constant dysfunction, ask yourself how long it will be before it completely consumes you.

Ficamos emocionalmente esgotados.

Levantar-se da cama torna-se uma tarefa árdua. Já não se faz o pequeno-almoço com um sorriso no rosto. Ouvir o seu best friend’s o drama das relações torna-se demasiado grande.

It’s kind of scary how incapable you start to feel after having been with him for so long. It’s like you’re no longer you.

What used to be breezy and relaxing is now very burdensome. And, I’m guessing you’re starting to understand why.

The company you keep is rubbing off on you, and one day at a time, you’re becoming more and more drained.

Ver também: 7 razões pelas quais atrai homens emocionalmente danificados

Começamos a confundir o comportamento tóxico como normal.

Há que ter cuidado com esta situação. Ao fim de algum tempo, estar rodeado de toxicidade tornar-se-á a nova norma.

You never see these things coming. You always believe that you’d never allow such a thing to happen until one day, you realize that it already has.

You start tolerating things you’d never normally put up with. Him being a jerk no longer irks you, as he’s rarely the guy you met all those years ago, which is very sad.

Agora, passa ao lado, talvez até sorria, pensando que podia ser muito pior, e continua o seu dia.

A sua saúde mental e física é afetada.

You’re probably aware that toxic relationships can harm your mental health. But, what you probably don’t sabem é que também podem ser prejudiciais para a sua saúde física.

It’s widely believed that toxic relationships can lead to serious heart issues, significantly increase your blood-sugar levels and take a toll on your entire immune system.

Have you been experiencing fatigue lately? How about low energy levels combined with feelings of anxiety? If so, this is likely connected to your unhealthy relationship… more precisely, your partner.

Como apoiar um homem com problemas de autoestima incapacitantes

If you believe that your partner is worth the fight, then here’s how you can support him on his road to recovery. These steps might

ajudá-lo a deixar de sabotar a vossa relação.

Controle a sua raiva antes de o confrontar com ela.

After carefully having gone through my above points, I genuinely hope that you’ve given your situation some serious thought.

I don’t want you to take this lightly or feel as if you’re forced to look the other way while he’s off the hook for basically being a brat.

BUT, if you genuinely believe that he’s a good person, and there’s hope for him, I’m rooting for you.

A primeira coisa que deve fazer antes de o confrontar é o seguinte: moderar a sua raiva. Nunca o faça com intenções maliciosas.

If you’re adamant about talking things through, then you have to approach it with a cool head and a hope of meeting him halfway. If you don’t think you’re ready for this, wait it out.

Not until you’re calm and collected should you have this type of conversation with him. You should be aware that this won’t be an easy task, and that’s why being in a good headspace is vital.

Remember that you’re trying to point out his flaws, and people are generally not receptive to this. Felizmente, conhece-o melhor, pelo que a melhor abordagem deve ser bastante simples.

Ver também: 8 tipos de homens que deves evitar a todo o custo em 2021

Mantenha os seus elogios realistas e genuínos.

Ele vai sentir quaisquer palavras falsas de encorajamento, por isso seja sempre sincero quando falar com ele.

Don’t throw compliments his way that you don’t mean. That’s just wrong. My mantra has always been: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.

Encorajo-a a encontrar um lado positivo dele e a elogiá-lo por isso. Por exemplo, talvez ele lhe traga o pequeno-almoço à cama todas as manhãs.

Ou talvez ele se assegure de levar os miúdos à escola para que você possa chegar ao trabalho a horas.

Whichever kind thing he does regularly, thank him for it. Why? Because it’ll make him feel seen, and most importantly, appreciated.

Also, it’ll soften him up for the tough conversation.

You don’t want to go into the whole thing with guns blazing. When he hears a real compliment that he knows is from the heart, he’ll be more likely to level with you and consider what you’re saying.

Valide os sentimentos dele e faça-o sentir-se ouvido.

Ocasionalmente, ele vontade have a point. At the end of the day, it’s not like he chose to be like this, so when you sense that he’s struggling, don’t dismiss it right off the bat.

Instead, sit down with him and ask him to tell you how he’s feeling. Talvez seja interessante saber o que desencadeia a sua ansiedade, no sentido de o poder ajudar a ultrapassá-la.

As long as he feels heard, that’s a step in the right direction. His feelings matter, too, and if you’re certain that there’s hope for your relationship, then you have to validate them.

He’ll struggle just like you will. He’ll have bad days, and he’ll need to know that you’re in his corner.

While there’s no one forcing you to stay around, if you fazer se assim o desejar, mais vale desempenhar o papel.

Try to understand where he’s coming from even when it’s hard.

Porque é que ele está a agir de uma certa maneira? Porque é que ele é particularmente desagradável hoje quando ontem era o homem mais doce do mundo?

There’s a reason behind his actions. You just have to dig deep enough to get to the bottom of it. He doesn’t just wake up and decide to be an asshole.

Algo (interno ou externo) acontece que o faz fechar-se, o que faz com que ele projecte isso em si.

Now, if you’re sure that you want to go through this, then it’s on you to uncover what that is.

Por vezes, pode ser algo tão inocente como um comentário negativo de um familiar ou de um melhor amigo. Podem ter-lhe ferido os sentimentos (acidentalmente) e ele reagiu mal.

Maybe there was an incident at work for which he felt personally responsible, and it stayed with him throughout the day. Men with low self-esteem don’t handle criticism well.

Try to be understanding toward it and possibly even help him get over it. It’s going to be hard, but if he’s worth the struggle, then give it your best shot and try to make it work.

Ver também: Para a rapariga que precisa de parar de tentar salvar pessoas tóxicas

Ajude-o a encontrar uma nova perspetiva (positiva).

Having a negative perspective is no way to start the day, but that’s pretty much your man’s reality. For him, things are always bleak, and he rarely sees the positive side to anything.

He goes through the day expecting the worst, and most likely, living it. But, the thing is, so often, all it takes to feel better is changing your mindset. I’m sure you know that this is true.

I’ve been through so many situations where my negative mindset made me believe that things were MUCH worse than they were.

Now, I’m in no way diminishing your (or my) issues.

All I’m trying to point out is that finding a positive perspective to particular situations does make a difference!

Ajude o seu homem a recuperar o ritmo, mostrando-lhe o lado positivo dos seus pensamentos sombrios. Prove-lhe que ele tem algo pelo que viver quando um pequeno infortúnio o abala.

It’s anything but uncommon that we all get lost in our negativity sometimes. But, that’s where our entes queridos come in. They’re here to show us that it’s not that bad.

And, in all seriousness, that’s the beauty of relationships… showing each other the good side of life when negativity prevails.

Prepare-se para a defensiva dele.

Try to tell him that as a twenty-something-year-old (especially if he’s older), it’s time to start acting according to his age.

You don’t expect him to be magically cured overnight, but it’s time for him to start acting his age.

No que pode ser descrito como uma última tentativa de salvar a vossa relação, ofereça-lhe ajuda, estando totalmente preparado para a sua defensiva.

At first, he’ll be unwilling to admit that what you’re saying is true. Even though you’ve recognized him in all of the above signs of low self-esteem, he’ll try to make it sound like you’re exaggerating.

In a way, it’s understandable. As I’ve already mentioned, people are not exactly receptive to criticism. Defensiveness comes naturally, but if he cares about your relationship, he’ll hear you out.

What matters here is that you know what to expect… denial and defensiveness. Try to work through it and get past it.

If this turns out to be a battle that you just can’t seem to win, then consider my final advice below before cutting ties.

Seria triste terminar as coisas com uma nota amarga, mas depois de nos esforçarmos tanto, que mais há a fazer?

Explique de forma racional como o comportamento dele a está a afetar.

While you can try to help him all you want, if he’s not ready to receive any help, the fight might be futile.

Tente explicar de forma razoável de que forma o comportamento dele o está a afetar a si e à vossa relação. Faça-o sentir o que você sente quando se trata dos problemas de autoestima dele.

This is not about putting him in his place or victimizing yourself. It’s about trying to explain to him that if he’s unwilling to change, then you’re unwilling to stay there and put up with it.

Não vai tolerar mais o seu comportamento de auto-depreciação e a forma como ele o projecta em si. Mereces estar com alguém que encoraje a tua autoestima, não que a diminua.

The last thing he could try is professional help. This is beyond a dating coach’s expertise. Let him work on his issues with a licensed professional and see what happens.

It’s time for you to focus on self-care and put your needs first. When you give it your best, but it’s still not enough, then consider throwing in the towel.

Ver também: 4 frases que os homens tóxicos dizem para te fazer sentir presa

What If Your Support Doesn’t Seem To Be Enough?

Unfortunately, men with low self-esteem struggle with deeply rooted issues that sometimes can’t be helped.

Pode ser qualquer coisa, desde uma educação difícil, relações tóxicas ou qualquer tipo de violência verbal ou abuso emocional que os deixou marcados (possivelmente para toda a vida).

As a romantic partner, it’s difficult and challenging to deal with such a thing every day. This is why it’s important to reevaluate your relationships and see whether the cons outweigh the pros.

No matter how much you want to help your man, if it’s at your expense, it’s just not worth it.

You’ve tried and tried, given it your all, and spent a significant portion of your life in an attempt to revive the self-esteem of a man who doesn’t want to be helped.

I’ve shared some of the best tips on how to approach this type of behavior in the hopes of getting through to him. But, if that doesn’t help, then it’s time to start looking out for yourself.

Mereces muito mais do que um tipo cuja negatividade te deita constantemente abaixo. Aprenda a ponha-se em primeiro lugar and don’t feel bad about it for a second.

Colocar o amor-próprio acima de tudo. No momento em que colocar as suas necessidades em primeiro lugar, sair de um ambiente tóxico é canja.

Ver também: Como começar a amar-se a si próprio de 10 formas revolucionárias