Por tua causa, já não acredito em finais felizes

I used to be this innocent little girl who always believed in love. I believed in people and I believed in the power of good. And most of all, I believed in the power of love. Although everyone around me kept telling me I was foolish and naive and that I was living in a dream, I didn’t allow anyone to shatter my own reality. People kept calling me a hopeless, old-fashioned romantic but that didn’t bother me much. I knew I would find my soulmate, someone who I would spend the rest of my life with.

When I say I believed in love, I am not trying to tell you that I thought love was perfect. I didn’t think my Prince Charming would come to my rescue and I knew love wasn’t always a bed of roses. But what I did believe in was that love could conquer everyone and everything that was in its way. I believed that everything was possible and achievable if love between two people was strong and honest enough.

I hoped there would come a man who wouldn’t wouldn’t be perfect but who would be perfeitamente imperfeito for me. A man who would love me despite all my flaws and who would make all of life’s difficulties look easy. A man who would love me unconditionally and who would appreciate and respect me accordingly. A guy who wouldn’t be an immature boy but a real gentleman at all times. A man who would be my happily ever after and who would give me my happy ending that I knew I deserved.

E eu acreditava mesmo que este homem se iria cruzar no meu caminho. Podem dizer que eu tinha expectativas irrealistas e que vivia num conto de fadas, mas nunca quis fazer parte deste conceito moderno de namoro. Sempre fui uma rapariga do tipo tudo ou nada e recusava-me a contentar-me com menos.

Até te conhecer.

When you came into my life, you shattered all my beliefs into pieces. You represented everything I didn’t like in people and everything opposite to me. You were a man who didn’t believe in love and you made that very clear from the start. You were a man who thought he could rely on himself only and a man who didn’t get attached easily. But silly me didn’t believe any of this. I thought you needed to be loved for real and that it would make you realize that love really was the most important thing in the world. I knew I was a loving and caring girl and I thought I could prove you wrong. I was determined to show you what you were missing out on because you kept yourself protected from love.

I’ll never know what you saw in me or what attracted me to you. I guess we both thought we could change each other’s views or that we could meet each other halfway.

Mas, infelizmente, isso nunca aconteceu. Quando dei por mim, todos os meus padrões e factores de rutura de relações já tinham desaparecido há muito tempo. Conseguiste mudar a essência de quem eu era e tudo aquilo em que acreditava.

Nunca nos encontrámos a meio caminho, mas tu mudaste-me. I suffered a lot with you, because you never loved me the way I wanted to be loved. But I don’t blame you for that. I respect the fact that you were honest from the start and the fact that you never promised me much. But that didn’t prevent me from expecting much.

I don’t even blame you for walking away from me. Eras alguém que nunca soube ficar e é algo de que sempre tive consciência, por muito que tentasse lutar contra isso.

Mas o facto é que mudaste a essência de quem eu era. Fizeste-me igual a ti. Transformaste-me numa mulher negativa e cheia de amargura.

Por tua causa, Perdi a confiança nas pessoas à minha volta e, sobretudo, nos homens. Desde que partiste, apercebi-me que só podia confiar completamente em mim. Percebi que a maioria das pessoas é egoísta, não importa o quanto lhes dês.

Por tua causa, I don’t believe in love or in fairy tales anymore. Agora, eu sei que às vezes o amor não é suficiente. Agora, sei que não há nada que se possa fazer para que alguém nos ame.

E acima de tudo, I don’t believe in happy endings anymore. I don’t think we are all destined to have them. And I don’t believe that mine awaits me.