Por tu culpa, ya no creo en los finales felices

I used to be this innocent little girl who always believed in love. I believed in people and I believed in the power of good. And most of all, I believed in the power of love. Although everyone around me kept telling me I was foolish and naive and that I was living in a dream, I didn’t allow anyone to shatter my own reality. People kept calling me a hopeless, old-fashioned romantic but that didn’t bother me much. I knew I would find my soulmate, someone who I would spend the rest of my life with.

When I say I believed in love, I am not trying to tell you that I thought love was perfect. I didn’t think my Prince Charming would come to my rescue and I knew love wasn’t always a bed of roses. But what I did believe in was that love could conquer everyone and everything that was in its way. I believed that everything was possible and achievable if love between two people was strong and honest enough.

I hoped there would come a man who wouldn’t wouldn’t be perfect but who would be perfectamente imperfecto for me. A man who would love me despite all my flaws and who would make all of life’s difficulties look easy. A man who would love me unconditionally and who would appreciate and respect me accordingly. A guy who wouldn’t be an immature boy but a real gentleman at all times. A man who would be my happily ever after and who would give me my happy ending that I knew I deserved.

Y realmente creía que este hombre se cruzaría en mi camino. Puede que digan que tenía expectativas poco realistas y que vivía en un cuento de hadas, pero nunca quise formar parte de este concepto moderno de las citas. Siempre fui una chica de todo o nada y me negaba a conformarme con menos.

Hasta que te conocí.

When you came into my life, you shattered all my beliefs into pieces. You represented everything I didn’t like in people and everything opposite to me. You were a man who didn’t believe in love and you made that very clear from the start. You were a man who thought he could rely on himself only and a man who didn’t get attached easily. But silly me didn’t believe any of this. I thought you needed to be loved for real and that it would make you realize that love really was the most important thing in the world. I knew I was a loving and caring girl and I thought I could prove you wrong. I was determined to show you what you were missing out on because you kept yourself protected from love.

I’ll never know what you saw in me or what attracted me to you. I guess we both thought we could change each other’s views or that we could meet each other halfway.

Pero, por desgracia, eso nunca ocurrió. Antes de darme cuenta, todas mis normas y fuertes los rompedores de relaciones habían desaparecido. Conseguiste cambiar la esencia de lo que era y todo en lo que creía.

Nunca nos encontramos a mitad de camino, pero me cambiaste. I suffered a lot with you, because you never loved me the way I wanted to be loved. But I don’t blame you for that. I respect the fact that you were honest from the start and the fact that you never promised me much. But that didn’t prevent me from expecting much.

I don’t even blame you for walking away from me. Eras alguien que nunca supo quedarse y es algo de lo que siempre fui consciente, por mucho que intentara luchar contra ello.

Pero el hecho es que cambiaste la esencia de lo que yo era. Me hiciste igual a ti. Me convertiste en una mujer negativa llena de amargura.

Gracias a ti, Perdí la confianza en la gente que me rodeaba y especialmente en los hombres. Desde que te fuiste, me di cuenta de que sólo podía confiar plenamente en mí misma. Me di cuenta de que la mayoría de la gente es egoísta, por mucho que le des.

Gracias a ti, I don’t believe in love or in fairy tales anymore. Ahora, sé que a veces el amor no basta. Ahora, sé que no hay nada que puedas hacer para que alguien te ame.

Y sobre todo, I don’t believe in happy endings anymore. I don’t think we are all destined to have them. And I don’t believe that mine awaits me.