Quando partiste, fiquei devastada, mas agora estou aliviada

When you left me, you brought to life one of my biggest fears. I didn’t know what to do with my life, thinking it had come to its end. I had no purpose and no meaning left. I was completely consumed by this pain you caused me and I couldn’t move from the spot where you left me.

Se alguém, nessa altura, me tivesse perguntado qual era uma das coisas mais dolorosas de se viver, o desgosto de amor estaria sem dúvida no topo da minha lista.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe without you by my side. A tua partida deixou-me de rastos de tantas maneiras.

E isso magoou-me até aos ossos. Pensei que nunca mais seria a mulher que costumava ser e que nunca recuperaria de toda a dor que me causaste.

Tinha a certeza de que ia morrer.

And then, with time, it got a lot easier. I don’t know how it happened or when it happened but I just know I woke up one morning without the feeling that my chest would burn out. I didn’t have the feeling I would break into pieces every second and I could finally breathe properly.

It didn’t mean I was completely over you but it was definitely something. It was the beginning of my recovery. It was when I realized that time would heal my wounds and when I became determined that there would come a moment when I’d be over you.

E depois de muito tempo, esse momento finalmente chegou. Levei muito tempo e muita paciência para chegar aqui, mas consegui. Posso finalmente dizer que sou finalmente, verdadeiramente para além de ti. I don’t love you nor do I hate you—Sou completamente indiferente.

But what is even more important is that I feel like I’ve gotten rid of this huge burden. When you first left me, I felt like the entire world’s weight had fallen on my shoulders, and now I feel like I’ve gotten rid of it. I feel relaxed, liberated and free.

Sinto-me aliviado.

And I am not only relieved because I surpassed the pain I was feeling all along. I never thought I’d be the one to say it but I am relieved you are in not in my life anymore.

Finalmente apercebi-me de como me trataste mal enquanto estivemos juntos. Finalmente percebi o quanto me influenciavas negativamente.

Apercebi-me de que, na verdade, eu era seu prisioneiro. Although you didn’t keep me physically locked inside, you caged my mind and soul. Os teus jogos mentais eram tão fortes que senti mesmo que estavas dentro da minha cabeça.

I didn’t know it back then but I see it now. Vejo como era controlador e manipulador. Finalmente vejo a tua toxicidade.

I see how you ruined years of my life and how you could’ve ruined the rest of it, if you’d stayed by my side.

I see that I was actually afraid of you. I didn’t sobreviver a maus tratos físicos de ti, mas de alguma forma conseguiste fazer-me viver com medo. Independentemente do que eu fizesse, a tua possível reação era o único pensamento que me passava pela cabeça. Agora, sei que nunca estive completamente relaxada enquanto estive contigo.

And since you left, all of this stopped. Yes, you left me alone but that actually meant I didn’t have anyone to judge every move I made, to constantly try to put me down and criticize me. I didn’t have anyone to patronize me and to feed my insecurities. I didn’t have anyone ruining my confidence and holding me back.

Agora, sem ti ao meu lado, Posso finalmente ser livre and I don’t have to be afraid of anything anymore. Now that I’ve finally gotten out of this mental cage you put me inPosso tomar as minhas próprias decisões, sem me preocupar com o que possam pensar delas.

Posso finalmente desfrutar de cada respiração que faço e posso finalmente viver a minha vida ao máximosem ser abusado emocionalmente, manipulado e chantageado.

And that is the most liberating and relieving feeling there is. Even though I thought I’d never say this—Ainda bem que te foste embora.