5 razões pelas quais aquele homem destroçado não é seu para o consertar

Já alguma vez esteve numa situação em que conheceu um homem emocionalmente afetado que tinha toneladas de bagagem e problemas?

No entanto, em vez de fugir dele e de o deixar resolver os seus problemas sozinho, decidiu fazer exatamente o contrário: fez com que a sua tarefa fosse resolvê-lo.

Se isto é algo com que te identificas, aqui estão 5 razões pelas quais esta foi a pior decisão da tua vida.

1. You’re not a superwoman

Quando se encontra pela primeira vez um homem emocionalmente afetado ou perturbado, vê-se a ele e à sua situação como um desafio.

After all, you’ve achieved things that seemed way more impossible than this one.

You are not a quitter, and you know how capable you are, so why couldn’t you consertar este homem também?

Therefore, you convinced yourself that you’re the only one who can open his heart to love, the only one who has the ability to chase away his demons, and the only one who can help him.

Well, let me break your bubble—you’re not. 

You’re a strong, powerful girl—nobody can argue with that. However, that doesn’t give you superpowers, and it doesn’t make you omnipotent when it comes to others.

You probably don’t want to give up on this guy because you would see that as your personal defeat.

However, instead of looking at things this way, remember that you can’t do everything you set your mind to.

2. You weren’t the one who damaged him

Todos nós devemos assumir a responsabilidade pelos nossos actos e erros. Este homem está quebrado por uma razão.

He was probably hurt by a woman from his past or he has some traumas, issues and emotional baggage he keeps carrying around and can’t seem to get rid of.

No entanto, o que deve perguntar a si próprio é se foi você que o levou a sentir-se assim.

Foste tu que lhe esmagaste o coração e o mudaste para sempre?

Of course, the answer is NO! You’re not responsible for his wounds, so how can it be your duty to cure them?

Remember: you can’t repair what you didn’t break.

Yes, you can give him a hand in the process, but you can’t be the one who does the healing instead of him.

3. You can’t save anyone

A dura verdade que muitos se recusam a encarar é que you can’t save anyone, especially if they don’t want to be saved.

Eu sei que isto é difícil de compreender, mas há pessoas que se habituaram à sua dor. Tornou-se uma parte tão inseparável delas que deixaram de a reconhecer como má.

There are people whose toxicity became their comfort zone and who actually don’t have the desire to get rid of it.

If your man is one of those people, sorry, but there is no point in trying to do his dirty work for him because you’ll achieve nothing.

Além disso, se este tipo, por exemplo, precisa de uma conclusão, tem de a obter da rapariga que o fez sentir-se assim.

Se ele precisa de tempo para processar algumas coisas e para se afastar da sua dor, é ele que tem de o fazer, com ou sem si na vida dele.

You can’t take over his burden, as much as you want to, and you can’t magically erase his scars. Well, technically you can try, but that would only be temporary.

4. He’ll only pull you down with him

Quando começou a pensar em formas de ajudar este homem, provavelmente imaginou o melhor cenário possível.

Your love, honesty, and devotion would soften his heart. He’d get rid of the shields which kept him guarded, and he’d show you his true, vulnerable self.

Se conseguires, vais puxá-lo para a luz, e todos os seus demónios e traumas farão parte da sua memória distante.

Sounds great, I know—almost too great to be true.

However, what you didn’t take into consideration is for things to happen the other way around.

É que há sempre a possibilidade de ele a arrastar consigo e de ficar danificada, tal como ele.

There’s a very real possibility for his negativity and toxicity to overweigh your positive energy and the love you’re bringing to the table; a possibility for you both to end up completely messed up.

5. É preciso concentrar-se em si próprio

For as long as you can remember, you’ve been a selfless person who has taken care of other people’s needs.

You were everyone’s shoulder to cry on, the wind to their wings, and the person who never gave up on her closest ones.

And that is an awesome quality. You’re obviously an empático que está pronta a mover montanhas pelas pessoas que ama.

However, instead of taking over someone else’s problems, it is about time for you to focus on yourself.

It is about time to give yourself the place which belongs to you—a place on the top of your own priority list.

E não há nada de egoísta nisso. Pelo contrário, é a única forma de as coisas funcionarem.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not advising you to become an egocentric maniac who only cares for her own wellbeing.

However, I’m begging you not to get yourself in a situation where you’ll drain all of your energy on trying to help others and end up with no strength to lift yourself up when you need it.

Please, redirect all of the effort and time you’ve been giving to this man to yourself.

Certifique-se de que se torna a melhor versão possível de si própria e da mulher que sabe que está destinada a ser antes de se concentrar nos outros.

Sounds kind of ruthless, I know. Nevertheless, it is the only way in which your own life won’t suffer because of others.

Because the truth is that no matter how deeply you care for another person, you have to put yourself first because you’re the one who matters the most.

E temos sempre de nos amar a nós próprios antes de amarmos os outros.