Os 10 principais sinais de que você não está pronto para um relacionamento no momento

Encontrar o amor e ser de facto pronto para abordar uma relação séria são duas coisas completamente diferentes.

A vida tem formas misteriosas de nos atirar bolas curvas nas piores alturas possíveis e de nos fazer sofrer imenso desgosto, precisamente quando pensávamos estar numa relação estável e saudável.

I’m sure that after your last relationship you swore to yourself that next time, it vontade ser diferente. Chega de relações pouco saudáveis e de se contentar com as pessoas erradas.

You’ll no longer date complete losers, and your new relationship will be a complete shift from all your previous, toxic ones.

You won’t be oblivious to all the red flags and warning signs , and your senses will be in full-on detect mode.

E, mais uma vez, enganou-se a si próprio. 

You didn’t dedicate enough time to your healing, and you jumped into a new relationship , hoping you’d finally found your true love .

Mas o que aconteceu foi que substituiu a sua relação anterior por um novo erro.

Your self-esteem took a severe hit and now you’re wondering if you’re ready to date ever again.

How is one supposed to stumble upon a decent, kind person who’s mature enough to handle a relação de compromisso e permanecer leal até ao fim nos dias de hoje?

Como é que é suposto encontrar o amor num mundo em que os engates e os valores superficiais superam a bondade e o respeito? 

Lasting love isn’t built on great looks and a hot body.

Uma relação bem sucedida é feita de dois indivíduos adultos e maduros que têm as suas coisas bem organizadas e estão prontos e dispostos a resolver os seus problemas quando a merda bate no ventilador.

You can’t expect to have a great relationship if all you ever do is replace one bad mistake with another and refuse to own up to this troubling pattern. And unfortunately for you, that’s the kind of people you’re familiar with ( os que são errados para si ).

Ver também: 8 problemas de relacionamentos à distância (e como fazê-los funcionar)

How To Be Sure You’re Ready?

This dating game has become torture, and maybe, for now, you’re just not ready for a relationship—not when all you ever do is reminisce about your past relationships instead of focusing on yourself and what you actually necessidade agora mesmo.

Not when you’re still unsure what a real relationship even is, as you’ve never experienced such a thing if you’re being honest with yourself.

Conhecemos um rapaz (ou uma rapariga) fantástico e largamo-lo assim que as coisas começam a tornar-se reais.

Your last significant other (the one you just ended things with) insinuated that maybe you’re just not relationship material , and that shook you to your core.

Poderão ter razão? Será que é simplesmente incapaz de formar uma relação duradoura ?

One thing I can tell you is that if you feel like you’re not ready for a relationship right now, you’re probably right.

And guess what? That’s a mature, brave and genuine thing to be able to say.

Poucas pessoas admitem isto, mas às vezes é preciso fazer uma pausa e perceber-se a si próprio antes de entregar o seu coração numa bandeja de prata.

Sometimes, you need to get your ducks in order before you invest in someone who’ll inevitably prove to you that you’re, in fact, não está preparado para uma relação—at least not right now.

And that’s okay. That’s a sign of a person who’s ready to take control of their life; a person who’s unwilling to keep going from one stranger to another, hoping to find something that right now feels so evasive.

A serious relationship isn’t something that just magically pops up in your life.

São necessários dois indivíduos fortes para o construir em conjunto e depois perseverar para evitar que se desmorone.

If a healthy relationship is your end goal, be sure that you’re in the right frame of mind for finding it and then nurturing it.

You either need to get rid of your savior complex (when you’re perpetually trying to fix or save your partner from themselves) or heal your soul from the previous relationship that has left a bitter taste in your mouth.

But one thing is for sure. You’re going to end up thanking yourself later for taking the time to find yourself agora .

We’ve all been there. We’ve all reached a point in our life where we questioned everything and doubted ourselves more than we probably should.

That’s all part of becoming the person you’re supposed to be.

Nobody has it all figured out. And if it doesn’t feel right, then give yourself a breather and think about why this might be happening in the first place.

Heartbreak sucks, but it can point you in the right direction when you’re finally ready to see what you truly need.

If at this very moment, you can relate to these 10 signs, then you’re simply not ready for a relationship right now, and you shouldn’t force it until you work on your issues.

Ver também: Devo dizer-lhe que gosto dele? 7 razões pelas quais você definitivamente deveria (e como)

You’re still dwelling on your previous relationship

You just find it inexplicably difficult to let go of your last love. You’re rehashing every little thing that happened, and you’re trying to make sense of it all.

Como é que passaste dois anos da tua vida com alguém que acabou por te causar tanto desgosto?

And moreover—how the fuck do you still want them back after everything that went on between you two?

It’s a mystery you just aren’t equipped to handle, but one thing’s for sure. You’re still living in the past while your present is desperately trying to pull you to the right side.

Será que alguma vez vais conseguir esquecer o teu ex? Será que alguma vez poderás dizer Eu amo-te a outra pessoa e que o diga a sério?

Whenever you feel like you’re starting to get the hang of this whole love thing, it just blows up in your face.

And now, you’re less ready than you’ve ever been to enter a new relationship because your self-esteem is at an all-time low.

You’re chasing misery instead of happiness

If nobody has said this to you yet, let me be the first one. You’re just too busy being miserable to actually try and make a change in your life.

You’ve gotten so used to this jaded person you’ve become that you’ve stopped making an effort to get your joy back.

It’s so much easier being perpetually angry and resenting yourself and everyone around you for your inability to find what you’re looking for than taking matters into your own hands and putting an end to this misery.

So far—no such luck. You live in your little bubble of sadness, and you’re not letting anyone in.

Why? Because you’re afraid that they might actually push you to become better and get your shit together.

And you’re just not ready for that. Being sad is easy. Feeling sorry for yourself is almost second nature.

But making an effort and deciding to find reasons to hold your head high—now that’s a mission you’re just not ready to embark on.

For as long as that’s your state of mind, you know you’re not ready for a relationship.

Be ready to embrace joy and find that spark in your life. End this miserable chapter, and decide it’s time to move on from it!

Tu és o único que pode mudar a tua mentalidade. Rebenta essa bolha triste e vem para o mundo real.

There’s actual happiness here. When you’re ready to embrace it, you’ll start being ready to share it with someone special.

Teme o julgamento externo

What will your crew think about this new person you’ve started seeing? What will your peers think of them, and how accepted will your new squeeze be?

Those are all the questions running through your mind as you’re giving way too much power to people who don’t deserve it.

You want to get the hottest date. You want to be seen with someone so hot that both genders are instantly jealous of you. It’s a sad reality, but it’s just how things are.

What everyone else thinks is far more important than how this person makes you feel and if they’re relationship material in the first place.

This dating game has become impossible to win, and that’s why you secretly prefer being alone right now because that way, you at least don’t have to worry about being with someone your friends won’t approve of.

But there’s one thing you should ask yourself. Who is the person in this relationship—you or the rest of the world?

And when you answer that question, it’ll become clear whose opinion is the only one that truly matters.

Ver também: Sexo com amigos? Os 10 maiores segredos que ninguém lhe vai contar

A sua fasquia é demasiado alta

You’re not ready for a relationship if you’ve set the bar so high that almost nobody can measure up.

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself how many amazing people you’ve let go simply because they didn’t check all of your unattainable boxes?

Finding love isn’t about finding a flawless human being.

It’s about finding somebody whose imperfections go perfectly with yours and navigating this thing called life together in the same direction, toward a joint future.

That’s the only way you’ll ever have a chance of making it work with another person.

For as long as you keep setting standards way too high and putting everyone you come across into boxes that don’t allow them to ever be good enough for you, you’ll never be ready for a relationship.

Let go of your high expectations, and give people a chance. You never know—the person you thought was assim que não é o seu tipo pode acabar por ser a única pessoa que o compreende verdadeiramente.

A impaciência é o seu nome do meio

Sometimes, you’re your own worst enemy.

I know too many people who expect the almost impossible, and when that doesn’t pan out, they’d rather just be swallowed into the ground than give it a chance for things to work out.

You know what I’m talking about here. If you’re not married by a certain age and with no kids within a few years—you’re a failure.

E isso é a coisa mais dolorosa que se pode fazer a si próprio. Dá-lhe tempo! O amor pode encontrar-te no momento mais peculiar!

Just because you’re still single at 30, doesn’t mean you won’t find the love of your life before your next birthday!

O tempo é vosso amigo, não your enemy. Let it do its thing. When it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen.

You’ll never be mentally ready for a relationship while you’re giving yourself ultimatums.

That’s every relationship’s worst nightmare. It’s an organic process that you can’t rush.

Either it’s there or it isn’t. But things will happen when and how they’re supposed to happen.

Relax your mind and give yourself a break. You’ll be ready for a relationship when you finally realize that love is not a competition, and you’re in no rush.

You’re too hard on yourself

It’s tough to admit this, but you don’t see yourself as a catch anymore.

You don’t think you’re good enough and whenever you’re out with your crew, you can’t imagine anyone hitting on you as you’re clearly the least attractive person of the bunch.

Your own mind is playing tricks on you by convincing you that you’re less worthy than everyone around you.

Your mindset is anything but ready for a relationship because with that attitude, you’re not being kind to yourself.

Então, como é que se deve ser gentil com a pessoa amada?

How do you expect to make another person happy if you can’t make você mesmo happy? That’s right—it’s a mission impossible.

É por isso que precisa de dar uma volta de 180º. Mude a sua perspetiva. Olhe-se ao espelho e decida encontrar pelo menos três coisas que gosta em si.

Abrace os seus defeitos. Aceitem as vossas peculiaridades.

Deal with your tough exterior, and work on becoming kinder, softer and more accepting of yourself. That’s the only way to a serious, healthy relationship .

Continuas a gravitar em torno do mesmo tipo de pessoa

When you become accustomed to being around a certain type of person, it subliminally becomes a habit to keep going for the same type every time you enter the dating pool. And that’s what’s stopping you from finding true love .

Como é que podemos encontrar a nossa alma gémea se continuamos a procurar o mesmo tipo de pessoa?

This all comes down to the fact that you believe that’s what you deserve.

This type of person who’s clearly not good for you is all you know, so you can’t imagine deserving someone better.

It’s easier that way. You know your way around this specific behavior, and it becomes second nature to keep coming back for it. And then you wonder why you’re not ready for a relationship.

It’s obvious! You’re not giving yourself a chance to experience a real, happy union.

You keep ignoring the red flags and denying what you know deep down (that it’s doomed from the start), hoping it ends up differently this time.

Mas isso nunca acontecerá enquanto continuar a recusar-se a reconhecer os seus próprios métodos de auto-sabotagem. Procura alguém melhor e melhor receberás!

Ver também: 7 sinais de uma esposa emocionalmente distante e por que ela se tornou assim

Precisa de um parceiro para se sentir realizado

Deixem-me dizer-vos uma coisa: um parceiro romântico não é responsável por vos fazer sentir realizados.

They’re here to make you feel comfortable no matter how you feel (sad, happy, anxious, angry… etc.). If you don’t feel whole on your own, don’t expect anyone to fill that void—that’s your job.

You’re not comfortable being alone, and you necessidade um parceiro para mudar isso. Mas adivinha?

That’s not going to happen because nobody is in charge of your inner happiness but you!

Make yourself happy. Find that thing that makes you feel alive, and reinvent yourself if that’s what it takes.

Mergulhe fundo na sua alma e encontre uma forma de sair da sua rotina.

Only after figuring out why you’ve been feeling so empty and distant will you find a way to change that and take your love life into your own hands.

You’re not ready for a relationship because you’re too scared to face your inner demons. But the sooner you do—the greater your chances of finding that happiness you’ve been dreaming of.

You’ve got a savior complex

Algumas pessoas desenvolvem um complexo de salvador devido a uma necessidade de saciar o drama na sua vida. Em vez de procurar uma pessoa cujo coração esteja à altura do seu, continua à procura de um projeto que precise de ser resolvido. E continua a encontrá-los.

You need drama because you can’t function differently.

You’re so used to things being chaotic and needing fixing that you’ve turned something as pure as love into something complex and draining.

Pára de tentar salvar as pessoas e começa a salvar-te a ti próprio.

A lasting love will never thrive if based on a need for constant saving and fixing. People aren’t perfect, but it’s also not your job to make them so.

You might think that this is what you need, but it’s far from it. You’ll end up inviting trouble into your life, and one day, you’ll simply realize you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.

You’ll find yourself a true project. But is that really what you want?

Of course, it isn’t. You’re just scared to admit it because you don’t feel you deserve a person who can stand on their own two feet.

But you do. You may not be ready for a real, intimate, committed relationship yet, but when you start changing your ways, you’ll start getting much closer to that goal.

You keep trying to accommodate everyone’s needs

You know this to be the case when you notice your behavior changing depending on who you’re with.

You can never be your true self because you don’t think that person will be good enough for a potential partner.

So you change how you dress, talk, and behave in ways that accommodate the needs of the person you’re with.

You’re ignoring the red flags that are so clear, and you keep going against yourself to make someone else accept you.

Mas o que precisa de fazer é reconhecer os sinais de aviso e deixar de se comprometer para fazer outra pessoa feliz.

Pergunte a si próprio quando foi a última vez que se sentiu feliz consigo próprio.

Quando foi a última vez que fez algo porque era o que tu procurado?

If you find that the answer is not for a long time, then you’ve got a real problem.

Not only are you not ready for a relationship, but you’re in serious need of making yourself happy with who you são , as opposed to who you think you’re supostamente ser!

What you are doing is emotionally unhealthy and draining. You’ll never do right by yourself if you keep trying to please others.

Be who you are and don’t try to hide that person. When you accept yourself fully and completely, the other people will do that too!

Ver também: Esconder-se do mundo: 5 maneiras de o fazer e como ser visto

When You Know You’re Ready…

• You stop comparing the past with your present, and you’re focused on what the future might bring. You’ve made peace with how your last relationship ended, and you’re healed from that heartbreak . Yes, it’ll take time to be fully recuperated, but you’re taking all the right steps.

You don’t care what your friends, colleagues, and irrelevant people might say. You’re in this thing because tu want to be with that person, and nobody can tell you otherwise. You’re the one who knows them, and everything else is just white noise.

You stop rushing love and no longer put impossible limitations on yourself. When it happens, you’ll embrace it whole-heartedly. But if you’re still single at 30, you’ll be just as happy because you’d rather be happy and alone than with someone who’s only ok .

You’re completely happy with who you are as a person. You love your flaws and you don’t judge yourself for gaining those 10 extra pounds. You know you’re only human, and as cliche as it may sound, it’s what’s on the inside that truly matters.

You don’t need anyone to save you, and you’re open to dating people outside your comfort zone. So far, your type has brought you no luck, so it’s time to test the waters and explore what else is out there. And frankly, you’re kind of excited to find someone you’d never imagine being with! It just might end up being that one thing missing from your life.