Torne a realidade melhor do que os seus sonhos

Love is when you don’t want to sleep, because reality is better than a dream. – Unknown

When we’re younger, we develop a fantastical mindset that we will one day grow up, have a home of our own with a white picket fence, a successful career – usually something in the medical or entertainment fields – a loving partner, and children. These ideals are established at an early age by our caregivers, the environment we grow up in, or, at the very least, the media.

By the time we enter into that idealized stage of our life, however, it often comes with some sobering realities. Even if we’ve taken years of acting classes or graduated with a nursing degree, it’s much more difficult to garner success than we expected. We may have a home, but chances are it does not have that proverbial picket fence of our dreams. A sério, quantos o fazem, afinal?

Podemos ter passado por uma série de relações falhadas, ter sido um ombro amigo para as nossas amigas chorarem enquanto elas passavam pelas suas e ter percebido que os príncipes encantados são mais difíceis de encontrar do que esperávamos. Podemos não compreender what ‘love’ even means.

There are numerous reasons why we set these expectations for ourselves, only to feel sorely mistaken later in life. Let’s take a look at a few.

Pais narcisistas. Sometimes the environment in which we were raised was less than ideal. We could have been at the mercy of narcissistic parents, or those who had similar personality disorders. This typically means we were at their constant beck and call. Everything we did was essentially so our caregivers could live vicariously through us. And, despite all of our efforts, we never felt good enough. This is because we were constantly told we weren’t behind closed doors. We were mentally and emotionally abused, probably physically, too. It’s very difficult to break the chains of childhood narcissistic abuse, and often, victims mirror these traits in adulthood, hoping to obtain the perfection they consistently strived for without success.

Fugir de uma realidade dolorosa. Há também aqueles que sofreram outras formas de disfunção na infância. Quando os pais são toxicodependentes, sobreviventes de abusos who, almost systematically, repeat the cycle, or are battling extreme anxiety or depression, this creates an unstable, feared reality for children. In the aftermath of maturing amid chaos, we may find ourselves equally fearful, anxious, or depressed. Therefore, we attempt to create a fantastical reality in adulthood that’ll help to suppress our memories.

Fugir às circunstâncias sociais. Children who grow up in poverty tend to escape this reality mentally through idealization of what life will be like when they finally ‘get out’. By believing that we will one day break the cycle, and doing everything possible to do so, we are hoping to prove we are more than the hand we’ve been dealt. However, this can come with a dark side, and that is a continued thirst for wealth and upper-class luxuries. Lust and greed can come with some nasty consequences. Remember the saying, ‘Only the greedy get caught’? Sometimes, individuals who get caught up in the ‘money game’ employ some seedy methods to obtain their fame and fortune, such as developing gambling, sex, or substance addictions.

Rivalidade entre irmãos. In some situations, there was a brother or sister who we became determined to ‘beat’ early on and we continue to do so regardless of the stage of life we are in. This could be a self-imposed internal competition or one that is actually verbalized to the target. Regardless, it typically stems from jealousy and insufficient self-esteem. Creating rivalries with anyone else is derived from self-discontentment which need to be addressed. Para realizar verdadeira felicidadePara que o nosso trabalho seja bem sucedido, temos de ter um nível de confiança saudável. Normally, competition of this nature leaves a void and no matter how much we achieve, we can never be satisfied. Consider the principle of self-actualization in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This is at the top of the pyramid because only when we reach a stage in which we are self-actualized, do we feel complete contentment and we have, theoretically, met our fullest potential. We cannot feel this internal satisfaction by living in constant competition with others.

Fixação pela fama. Quite commonly, children become fixated, for a number of different reasons, on the lifestyles depicted in the books they read, or the television shows and movies they watch. The storylines become goals that are sought later in life. What is missing from these earliest influences, however, is any pain or suffering the protagonists endure. Essentially, they are completely dehumanized and we only see the sunny side. This, of course, is purposeful. Children shouldn’t have to worry about the same things as adults. But, não podemos esperar também ser desumanizados à medida que amadurecemos e vivemos num conto de fadas.

Because children are so impressionable, and the earliest years of our lives are so influential, it can be difficult to break away from the idealistic norms we feel we ‘deserve’. However, we must find peace in the reality that we may not achieve every ideal we believe we will before we’re able to know any better. The truth is, we don’t have to. A vida é imperfeita, afinal, e há beleza nessa imperfeição. A necessidade constante de subir degraus ou o desejo de ultrapassar os outros só nos fará sentir insatisfeitos. É verdade que temos de nos amar a nós próprios antes de podermos amar qualquer outra pessoa. Aprender a amarmo-nos a nós próprios e tudo o resto se encaixará no seu devido lugar.