Avoid Doing These 34 Things—They Might Be Enabling Your Adult Child

We’ll talk about something many of us face but rarely talk about—enabling our adult children. Yes, it’s time to pull back the curtain on some tough love!

We often want to do everything in our power to see our kids succeed, but sometimes our well-intentioned actions might be holding them back.

So, let’s check out 34 things you should absolutely stop doing to help your adult child grow into the independent superstar they were meant to be. It’s all about giving them wings, not holding them in the nest. Ready to dive in? Let’s go!

1. Deixar de pagar as suas contas

Em primeiro lugar, deixe de o ajudar financeiramente sempre que ele passar por um mau bocado. Sim, gosta muito deles, mas estar sempre a pagar-lhes as contas pode ser a muleta que os impede de se aguentarem sozinhos. Deixe-os aprender o valor de um dólar e a sensação gratificante de pagar as suas contas!

Think about it: every time you cover that electric bill or the phone payment, you’re not giving them a fresh start but chaining them to financial dependence. Instead, encourage them to budget wisely and even pick up an extra gig if needed. They’ll thank you later when they realize they can tackle any monetary curveball life throws their way.

Deixe-os sentir o aperto, e eles poderão surpreendê-lo com a sua resiliência e criatividade na procura de soluções. Lembre-se, the goal isn’t to set them up for failure mas para os capacitar a ter sucesso nos seus próprios termos.

2. Deixar de limpar a porcaria deles

Stop acting like their personal maid! I get it, you want their space to be as tidy as yours, but picking up after them won’t teach them how to keep their environment clean. You’re not doing them any favors by constantly cleaning up their messes; it only gives them the impression that someone else will always follow behind them with a broom.

Encourage them to take responsibility for their spaces, whether it’s their bedroom or shared living areas. A clutter-free environment can lead to a clutter-free mind, and who doesn’t want that? Instead of tidying up their clothes from the floor, show them the wonders of a laundry basket.

It’s about helping them understand that maintaining a neat space is part of adulting. They’ll thank you once they realize the peace that comes from knowing exactly where everything is.

3. Deixar de marcar as suas consultas

If you’re still the one reminding them about doctor’s visits or booking appointments for their car maintenance, it’s time to hand over the calendar. Managing these mundane but essential tasks is a big part of adult life. They need to learn the art of juggling schedules and understanding the importance of keeping their commitments.

Sure, it might feel like you’re helping them out by taking on this task, but in reality, you’re just adding another log to their dependence fire. Encourage them to use digital calendars or good old-fashioned planners to keep track of important dates.

By stepping back, you’re giving them the chance to build a skill that will serve them throughout their entire life. Plus, imagine all the free time you’ll gain to do things you genuinely enjoy!

4. Deixar de cozinhar todas as suas refeições

While it’s lovely to have family dinners, don’t make them a daily obligation for yourself! Constantly cooking for o seu filho adulto might just be teaching them to rely on you for something they should definitely handle themselves. Encourage them to experiment in the kitchen and discover the joy of creating meals on their own.

Cooking is not just a survival skill; it’s a creative outlet and a way to ensure they’re eating healthy meals. Let them take over the kitchen once in a while, even if it means enduring some culinary mishaps initially. They’ll soon learn which end of the spatula to hold!

Plus, you’ll be fostering a sense of independence and saving yourself a ton of time. Who knows? They might even impress you with a surprise dinner date at home one day!

5. Deixe de ser o despertador deles

It’s time to retirar-se do seu papel de despertador matinal. If they’re not making it to their commitments on time, it’s a lesson they need to learn the hard way. Allow them to face the consequences of oversleeping and missing important appointments or work shifts.

Invest in a reliable alarm clock or even a smartphone app that can assist them in waking up on time. We’re all guilty of hitting the snooze button, but adults need to master the art of waking up on their own.

This is a small but vital step towards independence. After all, no one wants to hear their boss sound like a grumpy parent because they couldn’t kick the morning bed blues! It’s time for them to rise and shine on their own terms.

6. Pare de resolver todos os seus problemas

Ah, the urge to jump in and fix everything! As parents, we often want to shield our children from life’s hardships, but problem-solving is a muscle they need to flex themselves. When you step in to resolve every issue, you’re essentially robbing them of the chance to grow and learn.

Encourage them to think through their dilemmas and brainstorm possible solutions. Offer guidance, but resist the temptation to provide all the answers. They might stumble, but that’s part of the learning curve.

This will empower them to tackle challenges with confidence. Remember, it’s not about abandoning them but standing by as their safety net while they navigate through the ups and downs.

7. Deixar de ser o seu secretário social

Let’s face it: playing the role of their social secretary is exhausting. Keeping track of their friends’ birthdays, parties, and social gatherings is something they should be handling on their own. It’s their social life, after all!

Incentive-os a gerir os seus horários e compromissos. Isto não só lhes dá controlo sobre o seu calendário, como também lhes incute um sentido de responsabilidade em relação aos seus compromissos sociais.

It’s time for them to embrace the rewarding feeling of independently maintaining friendships and deciding which events are worth their time. Plus, you get to relax and focus on your own social life for a change!

8. Deixar de ser o motorista deles

Alright, unless there’s a legitimate reason for your adult child not to drive themselves, it’s time to hang up the car keys. Constantly playing chauffeur can be a significant time drain and keeps them from developing independence in transportation.

Encourage them to learn how to drive if they haven’t already or to use public transportation. This not only saves you time but also helps them navigate the world on their own.

Ser capaz de ir do ponto A ao ponto B de forma autónoma é uma competência crucial para a vida. Além disso, pense em todos os podcasts e audiolivros interessantes que pode desfrutar durante o seu recém-descoberto tempo de inatividade!

9. Deixar de lavar a roupa

Laundry might be a mundane chore, but doing it yourself is a part of adulting. If you’re still washing, drying, and folding your adult child’s clothes, it’s time to stop! They won’t learn how to manage this essential task if you’re continually handling it for them.

Teach them the basics, like sorting colors and understanding fabric care labels. Once they get the hang of it, they’ll see that laundry isn’t rocket science, just a necessary life skill.

Taking responsibility for their clothes will give them a sense of accomplishment and independence. Plus, you’ll finally have a lighter load, literally and figuratively!

10. Pare de microgerir a vida deles

Micromanaging is tempting, especially when you believe you know what’s best. But hovering over their every decision is doing more harm than good. Let them make their own choices, even if that means making mistakes.

Em vez de dirigir todos os aspectos da sua vida, esteja presente como uma caixa de ressonância. Ofereça conselhos apenas quando lhe forem solicitados e confie na sua capacidade de conduzir o seu próprio barco.

This not only gives them the freedom they need but also shows that you trust and respect their ability to handle their own life. Remember, independence is a gift you can give them by stepping back.

11. Deixar de dar conselhos indesejados

Todos nós temos pérolas de sabedoria para partilhar, mas, por vezes, os nossos filhos adultos precisam de encontrar o seu próprio caminho. Oferecer conselhos não solicitados pode fazer com que eles se sintam incompetentes e demasiado dependentes de si.

Wait for them to ask before jumping in with your thoughts or suggestions. This doesn’t mean you don’t care; it’s about respecting their autonomy and trusting their judgment.

When they do seek your advice, they’ll be more receptive and appreciative. Plus, this approach strengthens your relationship by building mutual respect and understanding.

12. Deixar de lhes pagar a fiança em caso de problemas

Constantly rescuing your adult child from their troubles might seem like the right thing to do, but it often prevents them from learning valuable life lessons. Whether it’s financial issues or minor legal troubles, stepping in every time can hinder their growth and understanding of consequences.

Encoraje-os a enfrentar a música e a encontrar formas de resolver os seus problemas de forma autónoma. Ofereça apoio, mas deixe-os assumir a liderança na procura de soluções.

This will help them develop resilience and problem-solving skills that are crucial for adulthood. Remember, it’s about empowering them to stand on their own feet, not relying on you to sort everything out.

13. Pare de os comparar com os outros

A comparação é o ladrão da alegria, e estar constantemente a comparar o seu filho com os outros pode prejudicar a sua autoestima. Cada indivíduo é único, com o seu próprio ritmo e caminho. Abrace a sua individualidade e celebre as suas realizações, por mais pequenas que sejam.

Em vez de comparar, incentive-os a estabelecer objectivos pessoais e a esforçarem-se por atingi-los. Concentre-se nos seus pontos fortes e nas áreas em que brilham.

This not only boosts their confidence but also fosters a positive environment where they feel valued and understood. Remember, your support and acceptance are powerful motivators in their journey towards independence.

14. Deixar de arranjar desculpas para eles

It’s tempting to shield your adult child from criticism, but constantly making excuses for their behavior or failures does more harm than good. It’s crucial for them to understand the impact of their actions and learn to take responsibility.

Em vez de justificar o seu comportamento, encoraje-o a assumir o seu comportamento e a fazer as pazes, se necessário. Isto ensina-o a ser responsável e ajuda-o a ganhar respeito por si próprio e pelos outros.

By stepping back, you’re giving them the chance to grow and mature. Plus, it sets a solid foundation for them to handle future challenges with integrity.

15. Deixar de ditar as suas escolhas profissionais

While you might have dreams for your child’s future, it’s essential to let them forge their own career path. Dictating their career choices can lead to resentment and a lack of motivation.

Encourage them to explore their passions and interests, even if it means taking a path less traveled. Support their decisions and offer guidance only when they seek it.

Esta abordagem não só lhes dá a possibilidade de seguirem uma carreira gratificante, como também reforça a vossa relação, mostrando que confia no seu julgamento e respeita a sua autonomia.

16. Deixar de monitorizar as suas redes sociais

Manter o controlo das suas redes sociais pode dar a sensação de estar perto, mas muitas vezes leva a tensões desnecessárias e a uma falta de privacidade. Confie neles para tomarem decisões sensatas em linha e respeite o seu espaço digital.

Em vez de monitorizar, tenha conversas abertas sobre a segurança em linha e a importância de manter uma presença digital positiva.

Isto não só cria confiança, como também os incentiva a serem responsáveis e a pensarem de forma crítica sobre as suas interações em linha. Além disso, dá-lhes a liberdade de se exprimirem com autenticidade sem se sentirem julgados.

17. Deixar de minar as suas decisões

It’s easy to judge when their choices don’t align with your expectations, but constantly undermining their decisions can erode their confidence. Encourage them to trust their instincts and learn from their experiences.

Ofereça apoio e orientação, mas deixe-os tomar a iniciativa no processo de tomada de decisões. Isto ajuda-os a ganhar autoconfiança e promove a independência.

Remember, it’s about guiding them to become confident, self-reliant adults who are comfortable making their own choices and living with the outcomes.

18. Deixar de controlar as suas finanças

Managing your adult child’s finances might seem like helping, but it can actually stifle their growth. Allow them to make financial decisions, even if it means learning from mistakes.

Incentivar a elaboração de orçamentos, a poupança e a compreensão do crédito. Ofereça conselhos se eles pedirem, mas deixe-os controlar o seu próprio destino financeiro.

This not only teaches responsibility but also helps them develop a healthy relationship with money. It’s about trusting them to manage their finances wisely, even if it takes time.

19. Deixar de invadir a sua privacidade

Respecting their privacy is crucial for building trust and independence. Constantly invading their personal space or snooping through their belongings sends the message that you don’t trust them.

Estabeleça limites e respeite a sua necessidade de espaço pessoal. Incentive a comunicação aberta, mas dê-lhes a privacidade que merecem como adultos.

Isto promove uma relação saudável e de confiança, em que a pessoa se sente segura e respeitada. Também os encoraja a serem abertos e honestos consigo, sabendo que os seus limites serão respeitados.

20. Deixar de os proteger do fracasso

O insucesso faz parte da vida, e protegê-los dele só prejudica a sua capacidade de lidar com a situação. Permita-lhes experimentar contratempos e aprender a resiliência através da adversidade.

Encoraje-os a encarar o fracasso como uma oportunidade de aprendizagem e apoie-os a apanhar os cacos e a seguir em frente.

This builds strength and character, equipping them to handle life’s challenges independently. Remember, it’s not about preventing failure but helping them navigate it successfully.

21. Deixar de reagir de forma exagerada aos seus erros

Os erros são inevitáveis, mas uma reação exagerada pode criar um fosso entre si e o seu filho adulto. Encoraje-o a aprender com os seus erros sem receio de um julgamento severo.

Promova um ambiente em que eles se sintam à vontade para discutir os seus erros e pedir conselhos. Ofereça feedback construtivo em vez de críticas.

This not only strengthens your relationship but also builds their confidence in handling future challenges. It’s about creating a safe space for growth and learning.

22. Deixar de esperar a perfeição

A perfeição é uma expetativa irrealista que pode criar uma enorme pressão. Incentive o seu filho adulto a esforçar-se por progredir, não pela perfeição, e a abraçar o seu percurso único.

Celebre os seus êxitos, grandes ou pequenos, e lembre-os de que os erros fazem parte da aprendizagem e do crescimento.

This fosters a positive and supportive environment where they feel free to explore and innovate. Remember, it’s about nurturing their potential, not demanding flawlessness.

23. Deixar de os proteger excessivamente

Wrapping them in cotton wool might seem loving, but it prevents them from experiencing life’s necessary risks. Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and explore the world.

Ajude-os a assumir riscos calculados e a enfrentar os desafios de cabeça erguida. Isto reforça a confiança e a independência.

Remember, it’s about guiding them with a gentle hand, not holding them back. Let them spread their wings and discover their own path with your support.

24. Pare de exigir o tempo deles

While it’s important to spend time together, demanding their presence constantly can strain your relationship. Respect their need for independence and personal space.

Incentivem um tempo de qualidade que seja mutuamente agradável e que respeite os vossos horários.

This fosters a healthy, balanced relationship where they feel valued and respected. Remember, it’s about cherishing the moments you have without imposing on their autonomy.

25. Deixar de os satisfazer em excesso

Dar-lhes tudo o que desejam pode parecer generoso, mas muitas vezes leva a um sentimento de direito. Incentive-os a trabalhar para atingir os seus objectivos e a apreciar o valor do que têm.

Concentre-se em presentes e experiências significativas em vez de bens materiais.

This teaches gratitude and the importance of earning one’s achievements. Remember, it’s about building character, not just filling their world with things.

26. Pare de esperar que eles vivam os seus sonhos

Wanting your child to fulfill the dreams you couldn’t achieve is natural, but it’s crucial to let them pursue their own aspirations. Encourage them to explore their passions and forge their own path.

Apoie os seus sonhos, mesmo que sejam diferentes dos seus, e celebre os seus êxitos.

This builds a relationship founded on understanding and mutual respect. It’s about nurturing their individuality and supporting their unique journey.

27. Pare de lhes dar tudo numa bandeja de prata

Fornecer tudo o que eles precisam sem esforço pode impedir o seu crescimento e independência. Incentive-os a trabalhar para as suas conquistas e a compreender o valor do esforço.

Apoie-os na definição de objectivos e no trabalho para os atingir, oferecendo orientação quando necessário.

This fosters a sense of responsibility and the joy of earning one’s successes. Remember, it’s about empowering them to take charge of their own life.

28. Deixar de se fazer de vítima

Fazer-se de vítima na sua relação com o seu filho adulto pode manipular as suas emoções e prejudicar a vossa ligação. Em vez disso, concentre-se numa comunicação saudável e no respeito mútuo.

Encourage open, honest dialogues about feelings and expectations without placing blame.

This builds a strong, respectful relationship where both parties feel valued and understood. Remember, it’s about empowering both of you to grow and support each other.

29. Deixar de ser a sua rede de segurança para todas as pequenas coisas

Ser sempre a sua rede de segurança para qualquer problema menor pode impedi-lo de aprender a ser autossuficiente. Incentive-os a resolver os seus próprios problemas e a procurar ajuda apenas quando for realmente necessário.

Apoie-os no desenvolvimento da resiliência e da independência, afastando-se e deixando-os lidar com os desafios.

This teaches them to trust their abilities and fosters growth. Remember, it’s about guiding them to stand on their own feet, not holding them back.

30. Stop Encouraging ‘Fairy Tale’ Expectations

Instilar um sentido de fantasia e expectativas irrealistas no seu filho adulto pode, inadvertidamente, prepará-lo para a desilusão. Ao encorajá-los a acreditar em cenários perfeitos ou em resultados sem falhas, pode estar a fomentar uma mentalidade que evita desafios práticos.

This can lead to dissatisfaction with real-life experiences, as they may constantly compare them to imagined ideals. Instead, support them in embracing imperfections and learning from life’s unpredictability.

Incentive-os a equilibrar os seus sonhos com a realidade, promovendo a resiliência e a adaptabilidade. Esta abordagem ajuda-os a navegar na vida adulta com um sentido fundamentado de otimismo e pragmatismo.

31. Stop Taking Responsibility for Their Happiness

Here’s the truth bomb: your child’s happiness is not your job. As much as you want to see them smile and succeed, it’s not your responsibility to keep them emotionally afloat every time life throws a curveball. You’ve poured your heart into nurturing them—but now, it’s time to let them take the reins of their emotional well-being.

Encourage them to explore what makes them feel fulfilled, to build resilience, and to create a life that sparks their own joy. That doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop carrying the emotional load for them.

They deserve to know that happiness isn’t something handed over—it’s something they have the power to cultivate. And by stepping back, you’re making space for them to step into that power fully.

32. Stop Believing Their Growth Means Losing Them

Sometimes, we cling not because we don’t trust them—but because we’re scared of what their independence means for nós. But here’s the magic: letting go doesn’t mean losing them. It means evolving your relationship into something richer, more balanced, and more deeply rooted in mutual respect.

Your role may change, but your bond can deepen in new and beautiful ways. Growth doesn’t diminish love—it stretches it. When you stop fearing their independence, you give both of you the freedom to thrive.

So breathe easy. Let them fly. And know that they’ll always come back—not because they need you to rescue them, but because they querer you by their side as they soar.

33. Stop Over-Praising Minor Achievements

Over-praising minor achievements can lead your adult child to expect applause for everyday tasks. This behavior might inadvertently diminish their drive to strive for more significant goals.

While encouragement is vital, it’s crucial to balance it with realistic feedback. Recognizing true accomplishments over everyday responsibilities can empower them to set higher aspirations.

Remember, it’s about fostering resilience and independence rather than creating a bubble of constant validation. This approach helps them navigate the real world with confidence and self-reliance.

34. Stop Shielding from Discomfort

Shielding your adult child from uncomfortable experiences can stunt their emotional development. Life’s challenges teach valuable lessons that are essential for personal growth and resilience.

Avoid buffering them from every hardship; instead, offer support while allowing them to face challenges head-on. This practice helps them build coping skills and emotional fortitude.

Encouraging your child to confront discomfort prepares them for a world that isn’t always accommodating. It’s about equipping them with the tools to handle whatever life may throw their way with strength and perseverance.