5 coisas a ter em conta quando se sente a falta de um ente querido durante as férias

Quando os céus nos levam a pessoa amada, cada dia que passa sem ela é difícil à sua maneira.

No entanto, a época festiva é especialmente difícil.

Enquanto toda a gente pensa neste período como a melhor altura do ano, você debate-se com os seus pensamentos.

The pain and the memories haunt you and, as much as you try, you can’t get yourself to be part of the holiday euphoria.

Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to force yourself into anything.

De facto, as suas dificuldades são completamente naturais.

However, it doesn’t mean that you should allow the pain to consume you.

That is why we’re here to give you some important reminders to make this time of the year as easy as possible.

You’re not weak for feeling like this

Whenever sadness gets to you, you can’t believe that you’re still as weak as you’ve been the past year.

Lembra-se de todos os conselhos que ouviu sobre o tempo cura todas as feridas, but it seems that none of it is actually getting to your brain, and you still feel like you haven’t moved an inch.

Well, let me tell you that you’re not alone in this and that you’re definitely not weak.

Different people have different coping mechanisms and different ways to handle their sorrow, so just because you don’t see your closest ones crying all day, it doesn’t mean they’re not going through exactly the same things you are.

Nevertheless, even if you’re the only one feeling this way and even if it appears that everyone else has managed to handle the pain better, it is still not a reason for you to feel bad and to consider yourself not strong enough.

Lembre-se de que todos nós levamos diferentes períodos de tempo para sarar e que este não é um processo linear.

Don’t let anyone dictate your pace of recovery.

So, please don’t beat yourself up for not being able to control your emotions.

Já tens muito que fazer no teu peito e na tua mente.

You don’t need to bring guilt and self-judgment to the table, as well.

You don’t have to force happiness

It is the holiday season, Christmas movies are on TV, literally everything is on discount, the entire city is covered in shiny lights, the kids are getting presents, everyone is decorating the Cheistmas tree…

Uma verdadeira atmosfera idílica, não é?

Nevertheless, when you’re feeling down, the last thing you want is to be pressured to feel happy just because everyone around you is in the holiday spirit.

And that is exactly what you’re expected to do: to be thrilled and excited all the time.

However, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have force happiness, if that is not how you truly feel.

Actually, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.

If you don’t want to put up the tree or even celebrate Natal at all—don’t let anyone have a say about it.

If you want to skip the New Year’s Eve party and would feel much better spending a cozy night wrapped up in your blanket and watching TV, it is also something you ought to do.

Instead of being worried that you’ll be looked at like a weirdo for not going with the flow, do whatever suits your emotional and mental health the most.

Instead of meeting other people’s expectations and pleasing them, put yourself first, and make this time of year as easy as possible for yourself.

But shouldn’t feel guilty about being happy either

When we’re in the middle of the grieving process, sometimes we hold ourselves back from being happy out of guilt.

Todos os que enfrentaram a perda de um ente querido will know what I’m talking about.

You subconsciously don’t allow yourself to continue living your life to the fullest without this person present in this world.

You think that being happy without them would be a kind of betrayal, so you feel guilty for every breath you take simply because they don’t have a chance to do that anymore.

Por exemplo, deixa de fazer as tradições que seguia com o seu ente querido que faleceu e sente que ele se ressentiria de si por viver a sua vida como se nunca tivesse feito parte dela.

You think that you don’t cherish the memory of this person enough just because you dare to celebrate the holidays alone.

Well, let me tell you that this is the worst thing you could do to yourself because this way, you won’t only miss the person we’re talking about, you will also miss the holidays and everything connected to them.

In fact, you’ll probably end up being torn apart between your true desires and your subconsciousness that has been haunting you.

Besides, have in mind that the loved ones you have lost would be glad to see you happy—the last thing they would want is to see you being burdened by their memory.

Ser honesto com as pessoas que o rodeiam

Another important thing you shouldn’t forget when you’re missing a loved one during the holiday season is to be honest with everyone surrounding you.

Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean that you are obligated to spill your soul in front of every single person you know or who crosses your way.

No entanto, para manter as suas relações saudáveis, tem de dizer aos seus entes mais próximos como se sente e apresentar-lhes os seus planos.

For example, if you don’t feel like attending Christmas dinner or celebrating New Year’s Eve with your friends, let them know in time and briefly talk about your reasons because you don’t want them to be offended or think that you’re avoiding them.

Besides, just because you lost one loved one, it doesn’t mean you still don’t have a lot of people who care about you.

Of course, one person can’t replace the other, but you should turn to the ones who are still in this world when you’re going through hard times.

Even if you don’t think so, trust me when I tell you that the people around you can and will help you ease your pain—you just have to let them and give them access.

Vai melhorar

Eu sei que alguém que nos diz que vamos melhorar é a última coisa que queremos ouvir.

Eu sei que isto parece uma frase vazia e algo que as pessoas dizem para nos confortar quando ficam sem palavras.

No entanto, é de facto a verdade.

No, you’ll never forget your ente querido no céu, but eventually, you’ll learn to live with the pain.

The holidays will pass and before you know it, you’ll be forced to go back to your daily routine and everyday activities.

Until the next season comes…