7 razões pelas quais continuei numa relação abusiva

Cinco anos, duzentos e cinquenta e dois dias. 

That’s how long my battle lasted. And I’m not counting the time when we had a good run.

I’m not taking into consideration when we met and fell in love. That is not fair because I really enjoyed spending time with him at the beginning. 

Even after everything bad that’s happened, those memories are somehow always going to belong in the happy pile in my brain. 

The story begins like any other you’ve heard so far. And yes… if you’re wondering… it always starts the same. There are really no exceptions. 

A handsome, charming man grabs your attention within seconds. At that particular moment, you just know he’s aiming his Cupid’s arrow right at you.

At that moment, you can just feel you’re the center of his attention. And let’s face it, you like it.  

That is a feeling which takes you by surprise. You can’t wake up from that beautiful dream, no way.

At that moment, you’re imagining the two of you together with a family, living a fairy tale life, and everything is so perfect.

Ele garante que continuas a acreditar nisso. 

If it’s necessary, he’ll turn into someone else completely just to keep up his charade.

He is playing the character of a sweet and caring man for one reason only—to lure you even deeper into his trap.

He will be the kindest man you’ll ever meet. He’ll be too perfect to be real, and yet, he is standing in front of you. 

Pouco a pouco, as coisas começam a mudar. 

The ‘forever perfect man’ will start slipping every now and then.

Naturally, you won’t give much importance to these occasional changes in behavior. You’ll find excuses every time, and somehow it won’t be his fault. 

The point is, you’d rather blame yourself for ‘unconsciously’ provoking him to behave inappropriately than accepting that maybe he’s not that good of a man.

When this realization hits you…it’s too late to leave. 

You’ll already be in his web, under his complete control.

He knows how you breathe, what you’re going to say next, and how you’re going to react. That’s how ele joga contigo sem que se aperceba.  

I’m not making things up. I’m writing from experience, from the horror I lived in for 5 long years. You cannot make this shit up! It’s impossible. 

Here’s why I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long:

1. Os meus pensamentos foram adulterados

Passado algum tempo, começou a assediar-me de tal forma que eu não fazia ideia do que se estava a passar.

I was definitely brainwashed and scared…so scared of his reactions and his behavior. Lies seemed such a better option than telling the truth.

O que acontece é que as mentiras acabam sempre por vir ao de cima, o que cria uma situação ainda pior.

Todas as vítimas de abuso emocional go through the stage of feeling guilt and despair. That is the consequence of the partner’s poor treatment.

Depois dos maus tratos contínuos, comecei a acreditar que estava a pedi-las. Acreditava mesmo que eu era a culpada pelo comportamento dele.

When your thoughts are tampered with and when you actually start believing that you’re worth nothing, the rest is easy.

Everyone knows that words don’t leave bruises, and no one can see the psychological damage someone has caused you.

2. Senti-me embaraçado e envergonhado

Nessa altura, havia vislumbres da realidade que me passavam diante dos olhos. Houve momentos em que eu sabia o que se estava a passar.

Maybe it’s a part of denial, maybe it’s the hope that it will soon be gone, but accepting the truth was the last thing on my mind. 

At those moments when I knew I was abused, I felt terribly ashamed. My mind was bothered by the fact: “How did I let this happen?” I was scared that people who love me won’t accept me back.

Receava que me julgassem por o ter escolhido e não ter percebido que ele não passa de um homem fraco e manipulador.

3. Estava terrivelmente assustado

It can’t get any simpler than it was—I was afraid of him. I was scared of his actions, of his reactions and his behavior.

I was afraid he would physically hurt me. To be honest, it wouldn’t have been the first time he tried to assault me…or succeeded. 

Escondi muito bem as nódoas negras no pescoço e nas costas. Ninguém fazia ideia do que se estava a passar atrás da nossa porta fechada.

Até hoje, ninguém, exceto eu, sabe toda a verdade.

A minha vida projectava-se nos meus sonhos. Tinha pesadelos horríveis. Sonhava que ele me estava a caçar como uma fera. Nos meus sonhos, ele era impiedoso e imparável.

Ele caçava-me durante dias por toda a floresta. Nos meus pesadelos, parecia que ele nunca se cansava, e a agonia durava dias.

Bem, isto é apenas uma metáfora do que se estava a passar na vida real.

4. A minha autoestima era quase nula

Talvez até abaixo de zero. Deixem-me dizer-vos o que aconteceu.

Every person has insecurities—even that girl you’ve been watching every day looking confident as hell—yes, even she has insecurities. The thing is, she handles them better than you. 

What I’m actually saying is that you can’t run away from your insecurities, but you can accept them.

You can embrace your flaws because they are what make you unique. I didn’t know that back then, and I let him take advantage of my weaknesses against me. 

Ele diminuía-me de todas as formas que sabia. Gozava com o meu aspeto, gozava com a minha capacidade, com o meu intelecto.

He did everything possible to crush me like a bug—both physically and emotionally. Sadly, he did it.

5. Não tinha outra opção financeira

Quando começámos a nossa relação, o dinheiro não tinha qualquer papel nos problemas que iam surgindo.

Sinceramente, não fazia ideia de como é que tinha acabado sem dinheiro e sem qualquer visão das minhas próprias contas. Aconteceu tão depressa. Aconteceu porque confiei cegamente nele. 

The point is when I started to sober up, when I actually recognized the abuse I was going through, I couldn’t escape.

I didn’t have the means to escape. I was broke and alone. Moreover, he realized I was starting to slip from his grip, so he used even more manipulation to hold me by his side.

6. Eu estava a viver numa prisão invisível

Ninguém fazia ideia de que eu estava isolado. Os meus amigos e a minha família ficaram com a impressão de que os tinha expulsado da minha vida.

He fed them with lies; he fed me with lies. He was so good, a real puppet master, and he controlled the whole show we were a part of called ‘life’. 

Nunca estive fisicamente presa, embora isso também seja uma opção com estas pessoas doentes. A minha prisão era emocional.

Eu era livre de ir para onde quisesse, mas, na verdade, era controlado a cada passo do caminho. Um passo em falso e o preço tem de ser pago.

I paid for every single one of my ‘mistakes.’

7. Fui condenado pelo amor

Let’s face it. If it wasn’t for love, none of this would have happened. I have to say that now when I’m no longer ashamed or embarrassed, I was in love with him.

I am truly a person who fell in love with an abuser. And you know what? I’m not sorry, and I know it was not my fault. 

People can’t choose who they fall in love with. My heart chose an evil man, but my heart escaped from his grip in the end.