7 motivi per cui sono rimasta in una relazione violenta

Cinque anni e duecentocinquantadue giorni. 

That’s how long my battle lasted. And I’m not counting the time when we had a good run.

I’m not taking into consideration when we met and fell in love. That is not fair because I really enjoyed spending time with him at the beginning. 

Even after everything bad that’s happened, those memories are somehow always going to belong in the happy pile in my brain. 

The story begins like any other you’ve heard so far. And yes… if you’re wondering… it always starts the same. There are really no exceptions. 

A handsome, charming man grabs your attention within seconds. At that particular moment, you just know he’s aiming his Cupid’s arrow right at you.

At that moment, you can just feel you’re the center of his attention. And let’s face it, you like it.  

That is a feeling which takes you by surprise. You can’t wake up from that beautiful dream, no way.

At that moment, you’re imagining the two of you together with a family, living a fairy tale life, and everything is so perfect.

Si assicura che tu continui a crederci. 

If it’s necessary, he’ll turn into someone else completely just to keep up his charade.

He is playing the character of a sweet and caring man for one reason only—to lure you even deeper into his trap.

He will be the kindest man you’ll ever meet. He’ll be too perfect to be real, and yet, he is standing in front of you. 

A poco a poco le cose iniziano a cambiare. 

The ‘forever perfect man’ will start slipping every now and then.

Naturally, you won’t give much importance to these occasional changes in behavior. You’ll find excuses every time, and somehow it won’t be his fault. 

The point is, you’d rather blame yourself for ‘unconsciously’ provoking him to behave inappropriately than accepting that maybe he’s not that good of a man.

When this realization hits you…it’s too late to leave. 

You’ll already be in his web, under his complete control.

He knows how you breathe, what you’re going to say next, and how you’re going to react. That’s how ti prende in giro senza che ve ne rendiate conto.  

I’m not making things up. I’m writing from experience, from the horror I lived in for 5 long years. You cannot make this shit up! It’s impossible. 

Here’s why I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long:

1. I miei pensieri sono stati manomessi

Dopo un po' ha iniziato a molestarmi così tanto che non avevo idea di cosa stesse succedendo.

I was definitely brainwashed and scared…so scared of his reactions and his behavior. Lies seemed such a better option than telling the truth.

Il fatto è che le bugie venivano sempre alla luce prima o poi, creando una situazione ancora peggiore.

Tutte le vittime di abuso emotivo go through the stage of feeling guilt and despair. That is the consequence of the partner’s poor treatment.

Dopo i continui abusi, ho iniziato a credere di essermi meritato tutto questo. Credevo davvero che la colpa del suo comportamento fosse mia.

When your thoughts are tampered with and when you actually start believing that you’re worth nothing, the rest is easy.

Everyone knows that words don’t leave bruises, and no one can see the psychological damage someone has caused you.

2. Ho provato imbarazzo e vergogna

In quel momento mi sono passati davanti agli occhi alcuni scorci di realtà. Ci sono stati momenti in cui ho capito cosa stava succedendo.

Maybe it’s a part of denial, maybe it’s the hope that it will soon be gone, but accepting the truth was the last thing on my mind. 

At those moments when I knew I was abused, I felt terribly ashamed. My mind was bothered by the fact: “How did I let this happen?” I was scared that people who love me won’t accept me back.

Ero preoccupata che mi giudicassero per aver scelto lui e non aver capito che non è altro che un uomo debole e manipolatore.

3. Ero terribilmente spaventato

It can’t get any simpler than it was—I was afraid of him. I was scared of his actions, of his reactions and his behavior.

I was afraid he would physically hurt me. To be honest, it wouldn’t have been the first time he tried to assault me…or succeeded. 

Nascosi molto bene i lividi sul collo e sulla schiena. Nessuno aveva idea di cosa stesse succedendo dietro la nostra porta chiusa.

Nessuno, a parte me, conosce ancora oggi tutta la verità.

La mia vita si proiettava sui miei sogni. Ho avuto incubi terribili. Sognavo che mi dava la caccia come una bestia. Nei miei sogni era spietato e inarrestabile.

Mi dava la caccia per giorni in tutta la foresta. Nei miei incubi, sembrava che non si stancasse mai e l'agonia durava per giorni.

Questa è solo una metafora di ciò che accadeva nella vita reale.

4. La mia autostima era prossima allo zero

Forse anche sotto lo zero. Lasciate che vi dica cosa è successo.

Every person has insecurities—even that girl you’ve been watching every day looking confident as hell—yes, even she has insecurities. The thing is, she handles them better than you. 

What I’m actually saying is that you can’t run away from your insecurities, but you can accept them.

You can embrace your flaws because they are what make you unique. I didn’t know that back then, and I let him take advantage of my weaknesses against me. 

Mi ha sminuito in ogni modo possibile. Si prendeva gioco del mio aspetto, derideva le mie capacità, il mio intelletto.

He did everything possible to crush me like a bug—both physically and emotionally. Sadly, he did it.

5. Non avevo altra scelta finanziaria

Quando abbiamo iniziato la nostra relazione, il denaro non aveva alcun ruolo nei problemi che stavano lentamente emergendo.

Onestamente, non avevo idea di come mi fossi ritrovata al verde e senza alcuna visione dei miei conti. È successo così in fretta. È successo perché mi sono fidata ciecamente di lui. 

The point is when I started to sober up, when I actually recognized the abuse I was going through, I couldn’t escape.

I didn’t have the means to escape. I was broke and alone. Moreover, he realized I was starting to slip from his grip, so he used even more manipulation to hold me by his side.

6. Vivevo in una prigione invisibile

Nessuno aveva idea che fossi isolata. I miei amici e la mia famiglia avevano l'impressione che li avessi cacciati dalla mia vita.

He fed them with lies; he fed me with lies. He was so good, a real puppet master, and he controlled the whole show we were a part of called ‘life’. 

Non sono mai stata intrappolata fisicamente, anche se con queste persone malate anche quella è un'opzione. La mia prigione era emotiva.

Ero libero di andare dove volevo, ma in realtà ero controllato a ogni passo. Una mossa sbagliata e il prezzo da pagare.

I paid for every single one of my ‘mistakes.’

7. Sono stato dannato dall'amore

Let’s face it. If it wasn’t for love, none of this would have happened. I have to say that now when I’m no longer ashamed or embarrassed, I was in love with him.

I am truly a person who fell in love with an abuser. And you know what? I’m not sorry, and I know it was not my fault. 

People can’t choose who they fall in love with. My heart chose an evil man, but my heart escaped from his grip in the end.