Sabias que gostar de alguém é a parte mais perigosa da tua relação?
Love can make us…well, stupid. And you know I’m right!
Every time I fall in love with someone it’s like I instantly forget everything about myself and my brain takes a vacation. I no longer think about what I want and shift my whole energy to them, making sure they’re happy and satisfied.
Don’t even say anything, I know how bad this is.
That’s why I started following Matthew Hussey (@thematthewhussey) on TikTok. Now you’re probably wondering who’s that and why should you care.
Well, if you haven’t heard of him, you’re missing out on so much good advice on dating and relationships. He’s a dating coach with over 3 million followers and definitely knows what he’s talking about.
Num TikTok ele explica porque é que gostar de alguém é a parte mais perigosa de uma relação e todos nós precisamos de ouvir isto!
A verdade sobre o amor
Have you ever wondered why falling in love makes even the toughest ones drop their guard down? And while liking someone is a beautiful feeling and there’s nothing wrong with it, esquecer os seus valores e normas é um caminho perigoso.
Matthew says that we all have certain expectations and it’s not hard to maintain them around people we don’t like. However, everything changes in another scenario:
“When it comes to someone we really want, that is usually the moment that we drop our standards and lose sight of any boundaries we once had.”
Just think about it. If a guy you were meeting up with already got a minus because he’s a bad texter and then he shows up late, looking all crusty and musty, you wouldn’t think twice about it. It would be uma rutura imediata e ele nunca mais o contactaria (esperemos que sim).
Mas, quando se trata de um tipo giro de quem gostamos e das suas bandeiras vermelhas, suddenly you’re color blind! It’s like magic, I know!
Segundo Mateus, ao agirmos assim, só acabamos por nos prejudicar a nós próprios.
Porque é que perder os nossos limites é perigoso?
O treinador de encontros escreveu na legenda:
“This situation is especially dangerous for people who have a more anxious attachment style and tend to respond to relationship uncertainty by bending over backward to keep someone happy.”
Ele chama-lhe “fawning”É um momento em que fazemos tudo para evitar a possibilidade de perder alguém ou quando queremos impressionar essa pessoa. We basically become a doormat just so we don’t end up alone.
Mateus explica este facto dizendo:
“Now, when we have the fawn response, we typically give too much. Certainly, we give more than is earned and is not reciprocal, i.e. we’re giving more than they are. But we also fail to advocate for our needs, to truly speak our mind.”
Afirma ainda que Dar incessantemente sem receber nada em troca é realmente prejudicial para nós. Além disso, não pedir o que precisamos ou dizer o que sentimos não é muito melhor.
Caramba, isto parece-me familiar. Houve uma vez um tipo que me fez perder completamente a cabeça e ficar com aquelas borboletas no estômago sempre que pensava nele. Esforcei-me tanto para o manter por perto e para o fazer feliz.
Escrevi-lhe cartas de amor, fiz-lhe uma surpresa à meia-noite no seu aniversário e, basicamente, estive sempre lá para o ajudar em tudo.
He didn’t do even 1% of the things I did for him mas Nunca disse nada porque queria que a nossa relação fosse duradoura e acreditava sinceramente que algo iria mudar.
Needless to say, things didn’t really work out and Senti que tinha desperdiçado o meu tempo e energia on someone who didn’t even care.
But yeah, Matthew said what we all kind of knew at the back of our minds but didn’t want to admit. He is really great at putting it all together in a simple way. Someone wrote:
“It’s true. The moment I felt myself getting attached, it’s like nothing else mattered anymore.”
Outro fã comentou:
“Ooofff so true. Gives new meaning to the saying, ‘the thought of him/her makes me weak’.”
So what have we learned? Love is a beautiful thing when it doesn’t cost you your well-being. We all want that perfect love story but as Matthew Hussey says, Fazer tudo para agradar a alguém só pode levar a ressentimentos e desilusões.
But no worries! It doesn’t have to be this way. Just stay aware of your boundaries even when falling for someone and don’t forget your standards!
Veja o vídeo completo no YouTube para mais dicas úteis!
