¿Sabes que gustar a alguien es la parte más peligrosa de tu relación? 

Love can make us…well, stupid. And you know I’m right! 

Every time I fall in love with someone it’s like I instantly forget everything about myself and my brain takes a vacation. I no longer think about what I want and shift my whole energy to them, making sure they’re happy and satisfied.

Don’t even say anything, I know how bad this is. 

That’s why I started following Matthew Hussey (@thematthewhussey) on TikTok. Now you’re probably wondering who’s that and why should you care.

Well, if you haven’t heard of him, you’re missing out on so much good advice on dating and relationships. He’s a dating coach with over 3 million followers and definitely knows what he’s talking about.

En una TikTok explica por qué gustar de alguien es la parte más peligrosa de una relación, ¡y todos necesitamos oírlo!

La verdad sobre el enamoramiento

Have you ever wondered why falling in love makes even the toughest ones drop their guard down? And while liking someone is a beautiful feeling and there’s nothing wrong with it, olvidar tus valores y normas es un camino peligroso.

Matthew says that we all have certain expectations and it’s not hard to maintain them around people we don’t like. However, everything changes in another scenario:

“When it comes to someone we really want, that is usually the moment that we drop our standards and lose sight of any boundaries we once had.”

Just think about it. If a guy you were meeting up with already got a minus because he’s a bad texter and then he shows up late, looking all crusty and musty, you wouldn’t think twice about it. It would be una ruptura inmediata del acuerdo y nunca volvería a saber de ti (con suerte). 

Pero, cuando se trata de un chico guapo que te gusta y sus banderas rojas, suddenly you’re color blind! It’s like magic, I know!

Según Mateo, actuando así sólo acabamos haciéndonos daño a nosotros mismos. 

¿Por qué es peligroso perder nuestros límites?

El entrenador de citas escribió en el pie de foto:

“This situation is especially dangerous for people who have a more anxious attachment style and tend to respond to relationship uncertainty by bending over backward to keep someone happy.”

Él llama a esto “fawning”un momento en el que hacemos todo lo posible por evitar la posibilidad de perder a alguien o en el que queremos impresionarle. We basically become a doormat just so we don’t end up alone.

Mateo lo explica diciendo:

“Now, when we have the fawn response, we typically give too much. Certainly, we give more than is earned and is not reciprocal, i.e. we’re giving more than they are. But we also fail to advocate for our needs, to truly speak our mind.”

Dice además que Dar sin descanso sin recibir nada a cambio es realmente perjudicial para nosotros. Además, no pedir lo que necesitamos ni decir lo que sentimos no es mucho mejor.

Oh chico, esto me suena familiar. Hubo una vez un chico que me hacía perder la cabeza y sentir mariposas en el estómago cada vez que pensaba en él. Me esforzaba tanto por tenerlo cerca y hacerlo feliz. 

Le escribí cartas de amor, le sorprendí a medianoche por su cumpleaños y, básicamente, siempre estuve a su lado para ayudarle en lo que hiciera falta.

He didn’t do even 1% of the things I did for him pero Nunca dije nada porque quería que nuestra relación durara y creía sinceramente que algo cambiaría.

Needless to say, things didn’t really work out and Sólo sentí que perdí mi tiempo y energía on someone who didn’t even care. 

But yeah, Matthew said what we all kind of knew at the back of our minds but didn’t want to admit. He is really great at putting it all together in a simple way. Someone wrote:

“It’s true. The moment I felt myself getting attached, it’s like nothing else mattered anymore.”

Otro fan comentó:

“Ooofff so true. Gives new meaning to the saying, ‘the thought of him/her makes me weak’.”

So what have we learned? Love is a beautiful thing when it doesn’t cost you your well-being. We all want that perfect love story but as Matthew Hussey says, hacer todo lo posible por complacer a alguien sólo puede conducir al resentimiento y la decepción.

But no worries! It doesn’t have to be this way. Just stay aware of your boundaries even when falling for someone and don’t forget your standards!

Echa un vistazo a su vídeo completo en YouTube para ver más consejos útiles.