7 coisas que acontecem quando se conhece um bom rapaz depois de sobreviver a um abuso emocional

Apaixonarmo-nos depois de alguém nos ter destruído desta forma pode ser uma batalha difícil.

You really want to love again and you want to open your heart to the one who loves you, but you just can’t.

You’re too scared that you will go through the same old story again.

You’re terrified of being dragged into emotional abuse because you know it’s almost impossible to get out.

You’ve been there and you didn’t even realize what he was doing to you.

Pensavas que era assim que devia ser. Pensavas que as relações funcionavam assim.

Achava que ele tinha razão ao dizer que era o culpado de tudo o que estava mal.

E tu começaste mesmo a acreditar nisso. Absorveu as mentiras dele como se fossem as coisas mais sinceras que alguém já lhe tinha dito.

Ele tinha o poder de nos fazer acreditar em tudo o que queria. It’s not your fault, though. Don’t blame yourself for believing his lies.

Don’t blame yourself por não ter visto mais cedo o que realmente estava a acontecer. Não havia qualquer hipótese de o ter previsto.

Even if you did, even if you knew what was going on, you couldn’t break free that easily.

Mentia a si própria dizendo que ele iria mudar, que era apenas uma fase.

E terias razão, porque ele teve fases em que era o melhor homem que poderias desejar.

His behavior was hot ‘n’ cold. He twisted you around his little finger and you responded the way he wanted you to respond. That’s called being a manipulative bastard.

You couldn’t leave just like that.

There is something addictive in these relationships. Even though you wanted out, you somehow stayed. It’s like you couldn’t leave him, like something was pulling you back to him.

Well, it wasn’t love for sure, it was an addiction. You are well aware that if you had left, you would have been alone.

E, de uma forma um pouco retorcida, queria ficar com ele porque ele lhe dava segurança.

Estar numa relação com ele era algo que se conhecia, algo que era familiar.

And due to that emotional state he had put you in, you didn’t want to leave for the unknown or leave this relationship.

O mais importante de tudo é o facto de ter tido medo.

Tinha medo de o deixar, you were scared for your life. He threatened you, not just once, and you really didn’t have the courage to take the next step and leave.

Se tivesse de tomar uma decisão, preferia ter estado numa relação abusiva a libertar-se dela, porque tinha medo dele e do que ele lhe poderia fazer.

But, in the end, he brought you to the point where you didn’t even care for your own life anymore.

You didn’t care if you were going to live or die, as long as this suffering was over, so you left.

De alguma forma, encontrou aquela coragem extra que tinha escondida algures no seu íntimo e utilizou-a.

Not because you knew you were strong and you were going to use that strength to escape, but because you didn’t care anymore for anything, not even yourself.

Nesse processo de não dar a mínima, cresceste. Encontraste acidentalmente essa força e usaste-a e percebeste que valias alguma coisa.

Percebeu que era forte e que era capaz de controlar a sua própria vida. Now that you’re gone from his abusive grip, you are collecting yourself.

You’re picking up your broken pieces – not the pieces of your heart, but the pieces of your soul and your mind, too.

But that doesn’t matter to you so much because you are finally at peace and maybe even ready to love again.

And loving someone else after what you’ve been through is not an easy game.

You’ll have to take a lot of challenges and you’ll have to face things which make you shiver, things that you are still afraid of.

Julga-se a si próprio com demasiada severidade

You have to understand that it’s not your fault for going through all of this. Não ganhará nada em julgar-se a si próprio and asking yourself why you didn’t escape earlier.

O que acontece é que, muitas vezes, as pessoas tratam-nos como nós nos tratamos a nós próprios. Por isso, enquanto se culpar por tudo o que lhe aconteceu, as pessoas vão ver isso.

They will sense that you don’t respect or love yourself and no one will be able to love you back.

Quando nos tratamos mal, estamos a abandonar-nos a nós próprios. É preciso aprender a evitar fazer isso.

Quando o fizer, atrairá outras pessoas amorosas e de confiança.

Tens de o deixar falar contigo

Talking is an essential key to every happy relationship. It’s impossible to develop trust if you don’t talk to each other.

It’s important to let him know what you’ve been through.

Let him know you’re still healing and that you’re scared of opening your heart to him – you’re scared of getting hurt again.

Explique-lhe como se sentia na sua relação abusiva. Diga-lhe que a sua autoestima está quase a desaparecer e que precisa de tempo para poder confiar em qualquer pessoa, incluindo ele.

Tem medo de ser enganado

This is something you’ve experienced on a daily basis. He made you believe in things that never happened.

Ele fazia-nos acreditar que éramos loucos. Este é um exemplo clássico de manipulação.

Agora, acha que a mesma coisa está a acontecer com este novo tipo.

If you’re scared that you are about to experience the same old thing, don’t shut down. Talk to him, explain how you’re feeling.

Diz-lhe o que o último homem com quem andaste a sair te fez. Diz-lhe como ele te fez sentir.

Tell him you’re scared he is doing the same thing as the last one. Don’t assume you’re being paranoid.

Respond to your worries and face him. If he shows empathy, and if he listens to your problems, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of.

Analisa demasiado as coisas

Duvidarás de tudo o que ele faz. Ele vai tratar-te como tu realmente mereces e isso vai ser demasiado estranho para ti. Não está habituada a ser tratada dessa forma.

Não está habituado a receber uma mensagem de bom dia ou a receber flores no seu local de trabalho. Não está habituado a uma visita surpresa só para saber como está.

You’ll probably think he’s smothering you or that he’s being too pushy and you’re going to back down and shut him out to analyze why he is doing all of these things for you.

Is he trying to lure you into his trap only to show his real face later on? You’ll have a ton of questions like this, but stay focused.

Don’t let your bad experience ruin your chance for happiness.

Pedir desculpa a toda a hora

Aquele que te iluminou ensinou-te a fazer isso. Ele transformou-te num perfeito, pequeno e obediente fantoche. Tudo era culpa tua e tinhas de o admitir.

You had to admit you were the one to blame or all hell would break loose. So, you apologized for things you did and didn’t do to protect yourself.

You’re doing the same thing all over again, but this time you don’t have to do it. He doesn’t want you to apologize all the time.

He is telling you it’s not your fault and that it’s okay.

You can’t accept he’s real

You think he’s too good to be true. You are afraid that he is putting on a show only to impress you and gain your trust.

Tens tanto medo que ele baixe a máscara e revele a sua verdadeira face quando lhe mostrares o caminho para o teu coração.

You can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen any minute now.

Tem-se a sensação de estar a viver num conto de fadas porque nunca sonharam em ser tratados e amados assim.

And you know what, you are living in a fairy tale. You finally got your happy ending. Don’t feel guilty though because you deserved one.

Deixar que os novos sentimentos tomem conta

Don’t fight these strange, new feelings that are consuming you. Embrace them, because they are something you’ll be feeling for the rest of your life.

É assim que o verdadeiro amor se parece. É assim que se sente.

Deixa-te ir. Deixa-o amar-te porque tu mereces.