Porque é que acabar uma relação pode não ser a melhor solução, mesmo que pareça correto
It’s completely normal that every relationship has its ups and downs. After all, they aren’t all sunshine and rainbows.
I know you sometimes feel like you’re enemies and not lovers. How do I know it? Well, I experienced the exact same thing. Every little thing he did started to annoy me. We’ve been fighting nonstop and problems were just piling up.
Nessas situações, it’s natural to think the best thing you can do is break up e continuem com as vossas vidas.
No entanto, seguir em frente assim que as coisas se tornam difíceis nem sempre é a melhor opção, porque you’re avoiding an opportunity to work on yourself e resolver os problemas enterrados no seu interior.
Joe Kort (@drjoekort), um psicoterapeuta, explicou isto tão bem num TikTok que certamente o fará repensar tudo o que sabe sobre relações!
A segunda fase é o ponto crítico de qualquer relação
Joe, the psychotherapist started a video talking about the first stage of every relationship. That is inevitably the best part which everyone enjoys. Why? Well because that’s when we’re still getting to know each other and there’s no build-up resentment.
Criar laços e estabelecer uma ligação é a sua prioridade no início. It’s all about the things that make you similar and interests you share. You also still try pretty hard to make the other person fall for you even more. Some people call this a fase de lua de mel.
O que vem a seguir não é assim tão doce e é por isso que a maioria dos casais rompe a relação durante a segunda fase. Joe descreveu-o como um luta pelo poder:
“The power struggle which is the second stage is all about differences and conflict arises and people start arguing and people start highlighting the differences between each other to the point if they don’t know what they’re doing breaking up is the best solution because it feels better.”
Faz sentido que as pessoas queiram partir durante esses tempos difíceis, porque ninguém gosta de ser desafiado e de descobrir que as pessoas são diferentes das versões ideais que imaginámos.
No entanto, this is not ideal because we’re running away from confronting them and even ourselves alone quando se trata de questões que temos.
O psicoterapeuta disse que esta é a fase em que todas as nossas questões não resolvidas vêm à superfície. It’s also not rare we’re triggering some old traumas which is normal because we’re still getting to know each other and learning about our boundaries.
Talvez valha a pena tentar
Joe salienta a importância de permanecermos e trabalharmos juntos nas nossas questões:
“So you want to make sure that you’re working through the power struggle and not abandoning yourself and the relationship just to feel better.”
He also said it’s important to note that this advice is not applicable to every relationship:
“If it’s untreated addiction or somebody who’s a narcissist and unwilling to work with you, that’s different. But most other relationships, the power struggle is exactly what you need to heal and grow as individuals and as a couple.”
Pode ser muito difícil ultrapassar os nossos traumas e diferenças, mas se nos amarmos realmente, isso torna-se apenas um pequeno obstáculo que temos de ultrapassar. Mesmo que nos separemos e sigamos em frente, há uma grande probabilidade de que a mesma coisa volte a acontecer na nossa próxima relação.
Temos de compreender que, embora trabalhar sobre nós próprios não é a coisa mais fácil de fazer, it’s absolutely required if we want to live fulfilled lives and have successful relationships with others.
Como disse o Joe, que nos permita crescer individualmente e como casal o que é muito importante para construir uma base sólida.
Muitas pessoas nos comentários disseram que eram os únicos que estavam a fazer o trabalho. Claro que sim, some people are not ready or simply don’t want to do the work and that’s also fine. You don’t deserve someone who won’t fight for your love anyway.
Some said it’s also important to know what the differences between you are because some things can’t be worked through if you’re simply not compatible.
In my case, my boyfriend and I realized we had differences but they weren’t something that could keep us apart because our love was stronger. We were ready to find common ground and make it work and that’s what we did!So if you’re in the same situation don’t give up easily, try to talk to your partner and see where they’re standing. If it’s clear they’re pulling back and want to give up, don’t waste your time and energy!
