Por qué romper puede no ser la mejor solución aunque se sienta bien

It’s completely normal that every relationship has its ups and downs. After all, they aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. 

I know you sometimes feel like you’re enemies and not lovers. How do I know it? Well, I experienced the exact same thing. Every little thing he did started to annoy me. We’ve been fighting nonstop and problems were just piling up.

En esas situaciones, it’s natural to think the best thing you can do is break up y continuad con vuestras vidas.

Sin embargo, seguir adelante en cuanto las cosas se ponen difíciles no siempre es la mejor opción porque you’re avoiding an opportunity to work on yourself y resolver los problemas enterrados en lo más profundo.

Joe Kort (@drjoekort¡), psicoterapeuta, lo explicó tan bien en un TikTok que seguro te hará replantearte todo lo que sabes sobre las relaciones de pareja!

La segunda etapa es el punto crítico de toda relación

Joe, the psychotherapist started a video talking about the first stage of every relationship. That is inevitably the best part which everyone enjoys. Why? Well because that’s when we’re still getting to know each other and there’s no build-up resentment.

Establecer un vínculo y crear una conexión es su prioridad al principio. It’s all about the things that make you similar and interests you share. You also still try pretty hard to make the other person fall for you even more. Some people call this a fase de luna de miel.

Lo que viene después no es tan dulce y por eso la mayoría de las parejas rompen durante la segunda etapa. Joe lo describió como un lucha de poder:

“The power struggle which is the second stage is all about differences and conflict arises and people start arguing and people start highlighting the differences between each other to the point if they don’t know what they’re doing breaking up is the best solution because it feels better.”

Es lógico que la gente quiera marcharse en esos momentos difíciles, porque a nadie le gusta que le pongan a prueba y descubrir que las personas son diferentes a las versiones ideales de ellas que imaginábamos.

Sin embargo, this is not ideal because we’re running away from confronting them and even ourselves alone cuando se trata de los problemas que tenemos. 

El psicoterapeuta dijo que esta es la etapa en la que afloran todos nuestros asuntos pendientes. It’s also not rare we’re triggering some old traumas which is normal because we’re still getting to know each other and learning about our boundaries.

Podría valer la pena intentarlo.

Joe insiste en la importancia de permanecer y trabajar juntos en nuestros problemas:

“So you want to make sure that you’re working through the power struggle and not abandoning yourself and the relationship just to feel better.”

He also said it’s important to note that this advice is not applicable to every relationship:

“If it’s untreated addiction or somebody who’s a narcissist and unwilling to work with you, that’s different. But most other relationships, the power struggle is exactly what you need to heal and grow as individuals and as a couple.”

Puede ser muy duro superar los traumas y las diferencias, pero si realmente os queréis, eso se convierte en un pequeño obstáculo que hay que superar. Incluso si rompemos y seguimos adelante, hay una alta probabilidad de que vuelva a ocurrir lo mismo en nuestra próxima relación.

Tenemos que darnos cuenta de que trabajar en nosotros mismos no es lo más fácil, it’s absolutely required if we want to live fulfilled lives and have successful relationships with others. 

Como dijo Joe, que nos permitan crecer individualmente y como pareja que es muy importante para construir una base sólida. 

Mucha gente dijo en los comentarios que eran los únicos que hacían el trabajo. Por supuesto, some people are not ready or simply don’t want to do the work and that’s also fine. You don’t deserve someone who won’t fight for your love anyway.

Some said it’s also important to know what the differences between you are because some things can’t be worked through if you’re simply not compatible.

In my case, my boyfriend and I realized we had differences but they weren’t something that could keep us apart because our love was stronger. We were ready to find common ground and make it work and that’s what we did!So if you’re in the same situation don’t give up easily, try to talk to your partner and see where they’re standing. If it’s clear they’re pulling back and want to give up, don’t waste your time and energy!