Como parar de se comparar com a nova paixão dele
When you’re left heartbroken after spending a significant amount of time with someone you cared deeply about, it can be tough to rebuild your life. If your once-partner finds someone new right away, you might be left with many unanswered questions which can cause you to constantly compare yourself to his new love interest.
Is he happier with her? What does she have that you don’t?
Stumbling upon a pic of your ex with his new love on social media or – heaven forbid – running into them while out and about, can leave your head spinning. Feelings that you thought had subsided may come flooding back full force without warning. Só o facto de ver esta nova pessoa no seu braço pode fazer com que comece a dissecar freneticamente todos os pormenores da sua relação, inventando formas de conquistar o seu coração de uma vez por todas.
You may be scouring the web for hours, attempting to dig up any information you possibly can to compare yourself to her – where she lives, works, who she hangs out with. Antes de dar por isso, já não se reconhece a si próprio. You’ve become a crazy person who is wasting valuable time making herself feel bad.
Quando é que se tornou tão insegura? Como é que pode recuperar o amor-próprio que pensava ter em abundância antes desta busca louca?
A primeira coisa que deve perguntar a si próprio é: Why am I spending my time on something that’s just going to make me feel like crap? How does this unproductive pursuit help me be who I want to be?
Because it doesn’t, and this, in itself, may help. It may be enough to cause you to sigh and reluctantly close your browser, so you can divert your attention to responsibilities that actually matter.
But guilt may soon follow because obsessive thoughts are hard to stop. So, it’s important to recite some positive affirmations to fill the space. Remind yourself of an exceptional accomplishment of yours, how good you are at your job, what a great friend you are, and why you deserve to be happy.
It’s also important to understand exactly why your relationship went south. What behaviors did your ex display that were simply unacceptable? Was he far too hurtful or constantly confrontational? Unfaithful? Unmotivated?
It’s also important to remember that often, one’s public persona or that which is projected on social media isn’t the full picture. This is just the filtered portion of the person’s life they want the rest of the world to see. No relationship is perfect, and there’s no way of knowing what is happening behind closed doors. Se o seu ex displayed patterns of unhealthy behavior whenever the two of you were alone, these patterns aren’t likely to entirely fall by the wayside with someone new.
Never rush into a new relationship just because you are envious of your ex’s new squeeze. Take this time to look inward and self-reflect, healing any open wounds from the inside out. If you don’t take the time for self-care, truly getting to know who you are, what makes you tick, and what you want in a future partner, any rushed-into, new relationship is likely to meet the same fate.
Doing the necessary internal work to heal will ensure you don’t carry the weight of guilt, jealousy, insecurity, or any other negativity into a new partnership. And once you’re sure your self-esteem is at an all-time high, it’s important to also remember that just because you are wonderful doesn’t mean you’ll wonderfully match everyone single and looking for love.
The point is, if your ex is dating someone completely different from you and you can’t understand what he sees in her, this is because you two are separate individuals with different perspectives. This inability to understand what drew him to his new mate is precisely why the two of you are no longer together.
Encontrarás alguém que te ama exatamente pelo que és, sem te fazer sentir como se tivesses de te transformar em alguém diferente. Esse alguém especial vale bem a espera. Nunca se contente com menos.
