Conselhos impopulares de um terapeuta para encontros que estão a provocar drama
Hoje em dia, namorar é quase como um campo minado. Está a tentar aprender o máximo de dicas e truques que o possam ajudar, mas depara-se sempre com opiniões diferentes!
Pode ser bastante frustrante descobrir como navegar em encontros e relacionamentos when everyone seems to have some opinion today. I’ve also been confused too many times.
While one person advises you to behave a certain way, the other is saying that’s a major red flag. So who can I trust, damn it?!
Quer saber a resposta? Alguns dos melhores conselhos são, na verdade, considerados bastante controversos. E quem é a melhor e mais fiável pessoa para falar sobre isto, se não um terapeuta?
That’s why I want to share with you the most unpopular (but effective) dating tips according to the therapist Jeff Guenther. Ele começou a sua vídeo com o conselho mais polémico!
1. If it’s meant to be, sleeping with them on a first date won’t change anything
If you never heard people saying you shouldn’t sleep with someone on a first date you’ve probably been living under a rock! This became like an unwritten rule but turns out it’s complete nonsense!
Jeff diz:
“A relationship is gonna happen whether or not you bang the first time you go out together. Sleep with them or don’t sleep with them, it makes no difference”
I think I agree with him. Sleeping with someone on a first date won’t ruin your chances of developing a serious relationship as many believe. In the same way, not sleeping with them will not guarantee you’ll end up having your happily ever after story.
No entanto, nem toda a gente concorda que este é um bom conselho:
“Sleeping with someone on a first date has made me attach to people too quickly, in my experience.”
Por outro lado, muitas pessoas admitiram nos comentários que o seu caso de uma noite se transformou numa relação duradoura e, em alguns casos, até num casamento. Uma mulher comentou:
“Slept with my partner on the 1st date and we’ve been together now almost 13 years 🥰”
E pronto! Saiba que se alguém estiver genuinamente interessado em si e quiser comprometer-se, não tem nada com que se preocupar!
2. It’s okay to be direct and open about your needs early on
Algumas pessoas pensam que podem assustar o seu parceiro se falarem sobre as vossas necessidades e expectativas demasiado cedo. Mas, na verdade, isso é a great way to see if they’re the right person for you.
explica Jeff:
“Being direct about your expectations allows your date to either show that they can step up or they can’t. Great data to gather right from the start!”
Uma mulher experimentou este conselho e resultou muito bem:
“True! the moment I told this guy what I want, he delivers. so, I know now this is going somewhere.”
You can’t say this isn’t smart! It’s absurd to expect that someone magically knows everything we want and need, so why not say it loud and clear? If they have a problem with it, then they’re probably not a good match. So, let’s not waste each other’s time and see if we’re on the same page!
3. Deixa-os conhecer os teus amigos assim que quiseres
Many say letting your date meet your friends is a serious big step you shouldn’t make if you’re not 100% sure about them.
Jeff explica porque é que pode querer repensar isso:
“Invite them around your friends as soon as you want and ask your friends if they felt like you were acting like your authentic self around them.”
Uma mulher disse o seu par surpreendeu-a agradavelmente ao convidar o seu grupo de amigos no seu segundo encontro. Ela comentou:
“I’m currently seeing a guy I met on Hinge and the second time we hung out, his entire friend group came! I thought it was sweet actually! It made me immediately cut off all of my other options!”
Isn’t this a really good idea? Others can sometimes see things more clearly than you can, especially if you have butterflies in your stomach. Have your friends observe the vibe and if you’re acting how you normally would to find out if they’re right for you.
4. “If they wanted to, they would” mindset is not the best
While this is a motto some people live by, others agree with the therapist that it’s just an unrealistic expectation. He thinks things are more complicated than that:
“‘If they wanted to, they would’ is too simplistic and black and white, and doesn’t allow for any nuance. Someone may really want you but not be super forward about it for a million reasons.”
It’s important to realize it takes time to build a connection and deserve someone to go above and beyond for you. É preciso dar às pessoas a oportunidade de mostrarem quem são e o que estão dispostas a fazer por si.
Algumas pessoas nos comentários concordaram com este ponto:
“‘If they wanted to they would’ but you’ve never told them what you want/need is soooo dumb.”
Outra mulher acrescentou:
“Yes! I hate that “if they wanted to they would” I get why it’s a saying. But, not always the case.”
Seja sincero. Esta visão de um terapeuta provavelmente fê-lo repensar muitas coisas, certo? Esta é apenas mais uma prova de que nunca se pode errar ao confiar no instinto e fazer o que o teu coração te diz para fazer!
O que pensa sobre estas opiniões? São válidas ou não?
