It Hurts Like Hell, But I Don't Want You Back

Ainda me apanho a pensar em ti. Acontece-me que, quando estou sozinho, me desloco para algum lugar contigo.

Although there is no ‘us’ anymore, I patch us back together in my mind.

Permito-me fantasiar sobre algumas coisas que nunca aconteceram e que nunca acontecerão. Por vezes, permito-me isso.

I drift away when being surrounded by the most loved people in my life to meet you as well. I guess that’s just how much I miss you.

They say that trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met. So, I’m not trying to forget you.

Permiti que estivesses um pouco mais na minha cabeça.

Mas pergunto-me como seria viver esta vida sem a tua presença. Como seria bom viver sem esta dor que a tua ausência me causa?

Eu ainda haven’t found a way to let you go and it’s been for a while. No self-help books, no human can help me in my process of letting you go.

And even though it takes me a hell of a time, I’ll go through it alone. I’m taking as much time as I need because I still feel your presence in me.

I just can’t cast you out of my system and I’m going to deal with that because I was the one to let you in in the first place.

Fui eu que te dei o poder de me destruir emocionalmente e agora tenho de aprender a viver com isso.

I understand now that even the greatest love can become toxic for us. It can be that the person who should love you the most becomes the person that’s poisoning you the most.

It can turn out that there is no more love left and people start hurting each other. I get that our love wasn’t meant to last. It was meant to teach us a lesson.

I still don’t know what’s the final message, but I know that after the toxic love, I had decided to say ‘no’ to anyone who comes knocking at my door to ask for it.

I am too busy with learning the most important love in life that you made me forget—self-love.

Even though it hurts like hell, even though I miss you, I don’t want you back.

I don’t want to play our story on repeat. I’ve seen more than enough.

The idea of us that I had in my mind is fading away and I am slowly realizing that my fantasies will remain just that—my fantasies. And that’s fine.

I’m sure time will show that leaving you was the best decision I made.

You were like this book beautifully wrapped but totally rotten inside. I’ve seen all there was to be seen.

I’ve read every line, every paragraph and each and every chapter of your personality and I know better than to ever wish to open and re-read that book ever again.