É por isso que a exposição ao abuso narcisista causa frequentemente ansiedade

I don’t know about you, but I never thought that someone else was guilty of the fact that I was a lutar contra a minha ansiedade.

I always thought that the problem was in me and that I was the one with some unsolved issues and that that’s why I am anxious all the time.

I didn’t even pay attention to the people around me and how I felt because of them. And most of all, I didn’t think what my partner makes me feel like.

Mas agora que sou mais velha, vejo que a minha ansiedade tem muito a ver com a forma como ele me tratava. Ou melhor, a forma como ele me maltratava.

Demorei muito tempo a aceitar que estava a viver com um mestre manipulador, um narcisista disfarçado, o homem que me convencia de que era a melhor coisa que me tinha acontecido, enquanto me espancava até à morte emocional vezes sem conta.

I couldn’t even realize why he was doing all those things to me when he said he loved me.

I don’t know why he abused me using all sorts of different tactics and tricks, so I didn’t actually realize what he was doing all the time.

Mas, algures no fundo, eu sabia que a minha ansiedade e os meus ataques de pânico não eram uma parte normal da vida. Sabia que havia mais do que apenas alguns problemas superficiais no trabalho que me faziam sentir mal.

I knew it all, but I didn’t want to accept it.

The whole time I was living with him, my anxiety got even worse, and every new day with him was a roller coaster of emotions and fighting to be noticed. And in all that mess, I lost the most important person—I lost myself.

E foi assim que tudo aconteceu de facto:

Fiquei ansioso porque que ele me estava a enganar.

Every day that I spent with him was some sort of fighting to get noticed. He was a man who did things his way or no way, and I wasn’t strong enough to confront him.

In fact, I loved him so much, and I didn’t want to hurt him by expressing my opinion because I knew he wouldn’t go along with it.

And in not listening to what I had to say and obeying only his rules, my anxiety attacked me even more since I wasn’t satisfied with my life.

I couldn’t stand that the man I was doing the impossible for paid attention to someone who didn’t even have to try to ask for it.

Fiquei ansiosa porque ele me isolou dos meus amigos e da minha família.

Acho que tudo fazia parte do seu plano perverso. Ele isolou-me deliberadamente de todos os meus amigos e familiares, dizendo-me que ele é a única pessoa de quem preciso.

By trying to satisfy him, I was left without people who were my whole world. But he didn’t see my sacrifice and continued to abuse me mentally.

He blamed me for all the bad things that happened to us and when that happened, I didn’t have anyone to call and to ask to be there for me.

Assim, fiquei cada vez mais ansiosa todos os dias. Pensava que estava a enlouquecer, enquanto ele me observava calmamente a desmoronar, sem fazer nada. Nessas situações, eu via como o seu coração era pequeno.

I became anxious because he couldn’t feel empathy towards me.

No matter how much I tried to explain to him that he was doing me harm with his behavior, he didn’t want to accept it. He would always do things his way, and he never listened to what I had to say.

With him, I felt like I wasn’t important and like he thought I am stupid. He never told me that he cherishes me and respects me, and all I felt while I was with him was pain.

Mas, de alguma forma, eu pensava que a dor era o que eu tinha de passar para ser feliz. Esse também era um dos seus truques.

Ele nunca quis dizer que era culpado do meu estado mental e que fez de uma mulher completamente saudável uma mulher doente.

Fiquei ansiosa porque ele estava a manipular-me e a explorar-me.

All narcissists have one thing in common—they know how to get what they want with negative tactics but act like they are the positive ones.

That’s what he did to me. He manipulated me, trying to blame me for the things I didn’t do. He did that so I felt bad in my own skin. He made me completely lose my mind.

He made me believe I was the crazy one. With him, I didn’t feel I was worthy.

Sentia que era eu que não era amável. E todas essas emoções negativas acumularam-se dentro de mim.

Não é de admirar que eu tenha explodido e que me tenha tornado uma pessoa totalmente diferente.

The one who overthinks, who isn’t sure about her decisions, the one who thinks she isn’t good enough. I totally lost myself over a man who didn’t give a damn about me.

Fiquei ansiosa por causa do seu domínio e do seu tratamento silencioso.
Ele gostava de usar o tratamento de silêncio sempre que discordava de mim. Dessa forma, ele fazia-me pensar no que eu fazia.

And many times I apologized to him even if I wasn’t guilty of anything.

In that way, he was feeding on me. He was sucking me dry, and he didn’t even pay attention to my feelings.

Ele fazia sempre de mim o principal causador de problemas, enquanto ele próprio se fazia de vítima.

And I didn’t know what I would do in all that mess, so I obeyed his rules. I needed him like the air I was breathing, even if he was making a fool out of me.

And no matter how much I wanted to change that, I simply couldn’t. He had enormous power over me, and I felt the best thing was to just give up because I knew he would win in the end.

Fiquei ansiosa porque ele fazia-me sentir que eu é que era a maluca.

Uma coisa que ele fazia repetidamente era fazer-me sentir que eu é que era a louca. Enquanto estive com ele, nunca disse a minha opinião porque tinha medo da reação dele.

I literally walked on eggshells trying to make him satisfied. But at that time, I didn’t have any other option because if I confronted him, he would leave me alone with my kids.

And I put up with all his shit because of them. I thought it is better they have some kind of father than that they don’t have a father at all.

Mas agora vejo tudo muito claro. Apercebi-me que o devia ter deixado ir há muito tempo. Teria sido melhor assim, tanto para os meus filhos como para mim.

If I had done that earlier, I wouldn’t be so anxious and depressed. I wouldn’t be falling apart like I am doing right now.

My life would have been so much easier if I hadn’t met him.

Esta é apenas uma parte do tipo de tortura por que passei quando estava a tentar manter o meu companheiro por perto. Agora consigo ver que a minha depressão e ansiedade graves aconteceram por causa dele e que a única forma de voltar a ficar melhor era mesmo desistir dele.

E, graças a Deus, acabei por o fazer. Percebi que a única pessoa a quem tenho de agradar sou eu e que ninguém merece que eu me sente sozinha à noite e me pergunte se sou suficientemente boa.

Ninguém merecia as minhas lágrimas e a minha loucura. E aquele que vale a pena nunca me faria uma coisa dessas!