Estes mitos sobre relacionamentos são a razão pela qual você espera o impossível

Se viu demasiadas comédias românticas, as suas expectativas em relação à relação podem ser surrealista. But I’m just a romantic person – you’ll say in your defense. I’m not saying you should stop enjoying your favorite movie genre, but be aware – a vida não é chocolates e flores.

Algumas vezes fiquei tão desesperado porque my boyfriend’s personality or looks didn’t match my desired qualities checklist. Some of them were too short, some were not interested in my tirades about astrology, others were not holding my hands the way I liked…

Para dizer a verdade a minha lista era longa, ninguém era assim tão perfeito.

Acredita em mim, o as expectativas elevadas vão deixá-lo tão frustrado que pode tornar-se tóxico. Not that you’ll want to, of course, it’s just the way it goes. So make sure you don’t forget you’re dating a human, not a movie character. 

1. “He’s a man so HE must make a first move”

We’re not living in the Middle Ages gurl! It doesn’t matter who makes the first move as long you find things in common e continuar a conversar ou a enviar mensagens de texto. Direitos iguais, lembras-te? Tens o direito de dar o primeiro passo como uma mulher moderna e feroz!

A couple of times I made the first move and I’m glad I did, otherwise I would miss out on some great guys.

2. “That could never happen to me”

Nunca diga nunca, a vida é cheia de surpresas e esteja preparado para enfrentar diferentes obstáculos no seu caminho. Se acreditas you’d never let him see you crying even when you feel so broken inside, it can happen. That’s normal, that’s life.

I said I could never be with someone who doesn’t like dogs and guess what happened?

3. “I will make him jealous so he’ll crave for me”

Oh, don’t play the nasty games! He might be traumatized by pathological jealousy in the previous relationship so much that he’ll avoid showing even the slightest clue of the jealousy. Besides, he might see through your intentions and that’ll just push him away.

Acreditem, aprendi isto da maneira mais difícil.

4. “Chemistry must be very strong otherwise it’s not a real thing”

It’s just a good starting point, but your relationship can’t be based simply on chemistry. If you don’t share the same views and can’t openly talk to each other, girl, you’re not in a proper relationship. It might be just a hook-up.

I mistook chemistry for love several times and it didn’t work out well. 

5. “He must take care of me”

Tomar conta de ti? You’re not a pet, woman! You can take care and provide for yourself, this is the 21st century. You need a partner, someone to share your life with. Don’t rely on his income!

I prefer to be independent and self-sufficient. That way, if we ever break up, at least I’m safe from being financially broken.

6. “He must be tall, handsome, and successful”

Oh, então andas à procura do Sr. Perfeito? Tens a certeza de que a sua altura, aparência e sucesso te podem fazer feliz? Ele pode ter um aspeto deslumbrante e uma carreira impressionante, mas ao mesmo tempo ser um completo idiota por dentro.

I’ve dated Mr. Perfect and believe me, under the surface he wasn’t that perfect at all.

7. “It’s just one of his flaws, no one is perfect”

Esteja atento se notar sinais de patologia no seu comportamento. Isto também se aplica às dependências. Os defeitos são uma coisa, os problemas graves são coisas completamente diferentes. So try not to be too “open-minded” and tolerant.

Uma vez tentei justificar o facto de ele ter bebido demais nessa noite, partindo do princípio que tinha tido um dia mau no trabalho. Demorei algum tempo a aperceber-me que ele tinha um problema com a bebida.

8. “I will change him”

He’s a grown man and no, you can’t change him. You can talk about some of his actions and make him realize how they affect you, so he will or won’t adjust them. If you can’t live with his habits or awkward traits, move on, he’s not for you. 

Lembro-me de quando pensava que podia fazer com que o meu namorado deixasse de comer comida de plástico. Ele esperava que eu adormecesse e fazia uma sanduíche suculenta.

Don’t waste your time. You’ll thank me later.

9. “I will not let him change me”

Of course not, and you shouldn’t. Mantém-te fiel a quem eras antes de o conheceres. However, small adjustments are necessary, you’ll expect the same from him.

I stopped partying every weekend because I wanted to spend time with my man. Surely, I didn’t give up on time with my besties, it was just not as often as before. 

10. “Half a loaf is better than none”

Don’t settle for mediocre options just to avoid being single. Estar com alguém até à próxima oportunidade melhor não é bom (or mature). You can hurt someone who might be genuinely interested in you, and you won’t feel good either.

Every time I tried to go on a date with someone I didn’t really like, I would end up in anguish.

11. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll find a new boyfriend”

People are not shoes. So it’s not like “These won’t fit so I’ll get myself a new ones.” Há uma razão para teres escolhido sair com ele. He might have a unique personality or a very good sense of humor, he’s nice to your friends, etc.

I was delusional when I thought I’d easily replace him with the next man behind the corner. Another man was just… very different.

12. “He treats me badly but helps me with the money”

Isso significa que se tornou dependente dele e que vai fechar os olhos. Primeiro, tente ver o quadro geral, desligue-se de todos os seus favores e verifique se ele está a comportar-se de forma pouco saudável. 

Is he prone to abusive behavior? If your answer is yes, I have only one piece of advice: run girl, and don’t look back.

13. “I hate rugby”

Têm o direito de odiar o râguebi, mas tentem também imaginar como se sentiriam se ele cuspisse: “Natal chart is just a bunch of nonsense”. You would feel insulted, wouldn’t you? So my dear, não se esqueça de mostrar compreensão pelo seu grande amor pelo râguebi. 

I watched the game with my SO a few times, and I kind of liked it. Try it, maybe you’ll change your mind too. At least, be supportive of his interests. You expect the same from him, right?

14. “The past stays in the past”

Not necessarily. If you have some unresolved issues with your ex-boyfriend or still have feelings for him, that will influence your present relationship. You may look for substitution and it usually doesn’t work well.

Tente deixar o passado para trás e concentre-se no presente com ele. The man I’m currently seeing is different from anyone I’ve dated before, and I really enjoy getting to know him. I don’t compare him to my exes. 

Don’t allow shadows of the past to blur your view, use your “present eyes” to look at him. Trust me it’s the best thing to do.

15. “I’ll be a spoiled princess and he will do what I want”

Alguns homens talvez o façam. Outros vão simplesmente fugir de si. Quem é que quer namorar com um fedelho mimado? E tu?

So be an adult and don’t play childish games. Learn to communicate your needs and try to explain your views well. It always surprises me how a simple open talk can be so effective.

16. “Things will get better if we have a baby”

Não, não, não! Tentar resolver a vossa relação engravidando dele é uma péssima ideia. Not to say it’s a bit selfish.

Esse bebé merece nascer numa família saudável e não ser um instrumento que o ajude a reparar os defeitos da sua relação.

Eu próprio fui criado num ambiente acolhedor e solidário, Aconselho sempre os meus amigos a terem muito cuidado com quem escolhem para constituir família. Don’t rush, wait for the right person!

17. “We never argue, our relationship is perfect”

A falta de desacordo não é normal e normalmente esconde questões mais profundas que podem não ser óbvias. Talvez um de vós tem medo dos conflitos e tende a evitá-los. It doesn’t mean you two are the perfect match, you’re maybe just acting like everything is fine.

My sister got married way too fast, after dating John for only two months. They were that kind of “we don’t argue” couple and it ended up with a very ugly divorce.

I can’t imagine myself in a relationship without the occasional fights. I looove that makeup allure.

18. “Men and women can’t be friends! There’s always a hidden agenda”

Again I’ll remind you we live in the 21st century and essa crença está simplesmente desactualizada, para dizer o mínimo.

I had male friends in school and college, and I have work buddies. If he thinks they secretly desire me, he just might be a toxic person. That’s what Mark, my ex, used to think. See why he’s my ex?

19. “He needs to devote all his time to me”

Get real, you’re not the Siamese twins. His zone of interest goes way beyond you. He has friends, hobbies, and a family. Se o meu namorado preferisse passar todo o seu tempo livre comigo, eu ficaria preocupada.

As pessoas que não têm amigos ou que têm uma má relação com a família não são um bom material para encontros.

20. “He has to be there for me every time I need him”

Acho que imaginamos isto como se assobiássemos e ele viesse a correr. Queres um homem ou um cão? Este tipo de expetativa é um grande repelente de homens.

Seria possível amar verdadeiramente alguém que não tem dignidade e respeito por si próprio?

I’ll appreciate it if he’s there to wipe away my tears when my dog dies, but if he’s busy, it’s fine. I have friends too. It’s the same the other way around – we can’t be there for each other 24/7, and that’s fine.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these relationship myths? If you did, it’s time to reconsider your views and ground yourself. Healthy relationships are based on respect, support, and open talk. If you want your relationship to succeed, no manipulative games, pretty please!