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These Relationship Myths Are The Reason Why You Expect The Impossible

These Relationship Myths Are The Reason Why You Expect The Impossible

If you watched way too many rom-coms, your relationship expectations might be surreal. But I’m just a romantic person – you’ll say in your defense. I’m not saying you should stop enjoying your favorite movie genre, but be aware – life is not chocolates and flowers.

A couple of times I was so desperate because my boyfriend’s personality or looks didn’t match my desired qualities checklist. Some of them were too short, some were not interested in my tirades about astrology, others were not holding my hands the way I liked…

Phew, to tell you the truth my list was long, no one was that perfect.

Believe you me, the high expectations will make you so frustrated that you may become toxic. Not that you’ll want to, of course, it’s just the way it goes. So make sure you don’t forget you’re dating a human, not a movie character. 

1. “He’s a man so HE must make a first move”

We’re not living in the Middle Ages gurl! It doesn’t matter who makes the first move as long you find things in common and continue chatting or texting. Equal rights, remember? You have a right to make the first move as a modern fierce woman!

A couple of times I made the first move and I’m glad I did, otherwise I would miss out on some great guys.

2. “That could never happen to me”

Never say never, life is full of surprises, and be ready to face different obstacles on your way. If you believe you’d never let him see you crying even when you feel so broken inside, it can happen. That’s normal, that’s life.

I said I could never be with someone who doesn’t like dogs and guess what happened?

3. “I will make him jealous so he’ll crave for me”

Oh, don’t play the nasty games! He might be traumatized by pathological jealousy in the previous relationship so much that he’ll avoid showing even the slightest clue of the jealousy. Besides, he might see through your intentions and that’ll just push him away.

Believe me, I learned this the hard way.

4. “Chemistry must be very strong otherwise it’s not a real thing”

It’s just a good starting point, but your relationship can’t be based simply on chemistry. If you don’t share the same views and can’t openly talk to each other, girl, you’re not in a proper relationship. It might be just a hook-up.

I mistook chemistry for love several times and it didn’t work out well. 

5. “He must take care of me”

Take care of you? You’re not a pet, woman! You can take care and provide for yourself, this is the 21st century. You need a partner, someone to share your life with. Don’t rely on his income!

I prefer to be independent and self-sufficient. That way, if we ever break up, at least I’m safe from being financially broken.

6. “He must be tall, handsome, and successful”

Oh, so you look for Mr. Perfect? Are you sure his height, appearance, and success can make you happy? He might look stunning and have an impressive career, but at the same time be a complete jerk on the inside.

I’ve dated Mr. Perfect and believe me, under the surface he wasn’t that perfect at all.

7. “It’s just one of his flaws, no one is perfect”

Watch out if you notice the signs of pathology in his behavior. This applies to addictions too. Flaws are one thing, serious issues are completely different things. So try not to be too “open-minded” and tolerant.

Once I was trying to justify the fact he had too many drinks that night, with the assumption he had a bad day at work. It took me a while to realize he had a drinking problem.

8. “I will change him”

He’s a grown man and no, you can’t change him. You can talk about some of his actions and make him realize how they affect you, so he will or won’t adjust them. If you can’t live with his habits or awkward traits, move on, he’s not for you. 

I remember when I thought I could make my boyfriend stop eating junk food, oh boy was I naive. He would wait for me to fall asleep and make himself a juicy sandwich.

Don’t waste your time. You’ll thank me later.

9. “I will not let him change me”

Of course not, and you shouldn’t. Stay loyal to who you were before you met him. However, small adjustments are necessary, you’ll expect the same from him.

I stopped partying every weekend because I wanted to spend time with my man. Surely, I didn’t give up on time with my besties, it was just not as often as before. 

10. “Half a loaf is better than none”

Don’t settle for mediocre options just to avoid being single. Being with someone until the next better opportunity is not nice (or mature). You can hurt someone who might be genuinely interested in you, and you won’t feel good either.

Every time I tried to go on a date with someone I didn’t really like, I would end up in anguish.

11. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll find a new boyfriend”

People are not shoes. So it’s not like “These won’t fit so I’ll get myself a new ones.” There is a reason why you chose to date him. He might have a unique personality or a very good sense of humor, he’s nice to your friends, etc.

I was delusional when I thought I’d easily replace him with the next man behind the corner. Another man was just… very different.

12. “He treats me badly but helps me with the money”

This means you got yourself kind of dependent on him and you will turn a blind eye. First, try to see the bigger picture, detach yourself from all his favors, and check if he is behaving in an unhealthy way. 

Is he prone to abusive behavior? If your answer is yes, I have only one piece of advice: run girl, and don’t look back.

13. “I hate rugby”

You have a right to hate rugby but also try to imagine how you would feel if he spitted out: “Natal chart is just a bunch of nonsense”. You would feel insulted, wouldn’t you? So my dear, make sure you show understanding for his great love for rugby. 

I watched the game with my SO a few times, and I kind of liked it. Try it, maybe you’ll change your mind too. At least, be supportive of his interests. You expect the same from him, right?

14. “The past stays in the past”

Not necessarily. If you have some unresolved issues with your ex-boyfriend or still have feelings for him, that will influence your present relationship. You may look for substitution and it usually doesn’t work well.

Try to leave the past behind and focus on the present with him. The man I’m currently seeing is different from anyone I’ve dated before, and I really enjoy getting to know him. I don’t compare him to my exes. 

Don’t allow shadows of the past to blur your view, use your “present eyes” to look at him. Trust me it’s the best thing to do.

15. “I’ll be a spoiled princess and he will do what I want”

Some men will, maybe. Others will just run away from you. Who wants to date a spoiled brat? Would you?

So be an adult and don’t play childish games. Learn to communicate your needs and try to explain your views well. It always surprises me how a simple open talk can be so effective.

16. “Things will get better if we have a baby”

No, no, no! Trying to fix your relationship by getting pregnant with him is a very BAD IDEA. Not to say it’s a bit selfish.

That little baby deserves to be born into a healthy family and not be a tool that will help you repair your relationship flaws.

Being raised in a warm and supportive environment myself, I always advise my friends to be very careful with who they choose to start a family. Don’t rush, wait for the right person!

17. “We never argue, our relationship is perfect”

Lack of disagreement is not normal and usually hides deeper issues that might not be obvious. Maybe one of you is just afraid of the conflicts and tends to avoid them. It doesn’t mean you two are the perfect match, you’re maybe just acting like everything is fine.

My sister got married way too fast, after dating John for only two months. They were that kind of “we don’t argue” couple and it ended up with a very ugly divorce.

I can’t imagine myself in a relationship without the occasional fights. I looove that makeup allure.

18. “Men and women can’t be friends! There’s always a hidden agenda”

Again I’ll remind you we live in the 21st century and that belief is simply outdated, to say the least.

I had male friends in school and college, and I have work buddies. If he thinks they secretly desire me, he just might be a toxic person. That’s what Mark, my ex, used to think. See why he’s my ex?

19. “He needs to devote all his time to me”

Get real, you’re not the Siamese twins. His zone of interest goes way beyond you. He has friends, hobbies, and a family. If my boyfriend prefers to spend all his free time with me, I would be worried.

People with no friends or those in a bad relationship with family are not good dating material.

20. “He has to be there for me every time I need him”

I guess you imagine this like you whistle and he comes running. Do you want a man or a dog? This kind of expectation is a great men-repellent.

Could you truly love someone who has no dignity and self-respect?

I’ll appreciate it if he’s there to wipe away my tears when my dog dies, but if he’s busy, it’s fine. I have friends too. It’s the same the other way around – we can’t be there for each other 24/7, and that’s fine.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these relationship myths? If you did, it’s time to reconsider your views and ground yourself. Healthy relationships are based on respect, support, and open talk. If you want your relationship to succeed, no manipulative games, pretty please!