Finalmente percebi que nunca seríamos nada mais do que "uma coisa

It took me a while to take off my rose-colored glasses and look at him without any prejudice. At first, I let other things cloud my judgment and I was led to believe that we were heading toward something that could possibly be the greatest thing in our lives. I thought it was love and that I’d got my person for life. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

He was never gonna be my person for life. We were never gonna be anything more than just ‘uma coisa’.

Quando as pessoas me perguntavam sobre ele, eu não tinha outra resposta senão dizer-lhes que éramos uma coisa. But what does that even mean? What the hell does, “Yeah, we’re a thing,” mean? It means that we’re in each other lives and that we’re more than friends, but that we’re still undefined. It’s like you’re trapped in limbo, you’re somewhere between life and death, and there are no clear signs you’ll get anywhere away from that.

Demorei algum tempo a perceber que ele não estava a comprometer-se comigo, nem nessa altura, nem nunca.

Eu queria tanto o compromisso que não vi os sinais que ele estava a dar não está pronto para se comprometer. Honestly, I’m no longer sure whether the problem was in his inability to commit or if it was more his unwillingness. Either way, I figured I was waiting to get something from him he never intended to give me. He was never ready to give himself completely to our ‘relationship’, he was never ready to cross others off his list, he was never willing to make it just about the two of us.

Os seus esforços, o seu tempo, o seu coração nunca me pertenceram, nunca fui a sua prioridade.

Demorei algum tempo a aperceber-me da minha estupidez.

Eu acreditava que era o seu passado que o tinha feito emocionalmente indisponível. Estava convencida de que, devido ao seu passado, tinha de me esforçar um pouco mais para o conquistar. Mas quanto mais me esforçava, mais me apercebia que estava a tentar em vão.

Há outras pessoas que tiveram uma infância difícil, pais divorciados, um parceiro que as traiu ou problemas de confiança. Essas pessoas merecem que alguém se esforce por elas tanto quanto eu me esforcei por ele, porque estão dispostas a resolver os seus problemas. E quanto a ele? Bem, ele era todo a favor das desculpas.

See, if other people had someone to try for them as much as I was trying for him, they’d take it eagerly. But he just took it for granted and jogou comigo. Ele fez-me pensar que estávamos a caminho de algo maior, quando na realidade éramos apenas uma coisa indefinida e nada mais do que isso. Nunca iríamos ser nada mais do que isso.

Well, I’m finally ready to see the things the way they truly are. He just doesn’t want me. It’s not me. I’m not the one. And I’m not sure any other will ever be seen as worthy of him since I, who gave him all of me and went the extra mile more than any sane person would, was not enough.

Be that as it may, he’s no longer my problem. Nothing that happens to him is my problem anymore. Because I gave my best and it didn’t work out. And regardless of how much it broke me, with everything I went through, I still, from the bottom of my heart, wish him all the best and the best of luck in his life.

It became clear to me that I was just wasting my time, my efforts, my love and everything else I could give to a man who couldn’t be moved. But I learned a lesson.

You know how they say when you give all your love and your trust to someone, you either get a person for life or a lesson in life? Well, he was my life’s lesson. You can’t fix a man who doesn’t think there is something wrong with him. It took me a while to get that.