Não quero que o meu marido me toque mais (Causas e soluções)

I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore.

One of the most dreaded sentences you never thought you’d think, let alone utter. Yet here you are.

You’re probably ashamed of feeling no desire for physical contact and wondering what’s wrong with you.

Mas tendo passado por uma situação semelhante, posso assegurar-lhe que não é tão invulgar como receia.

Quando se casa, a intimidade física e o desejo de afeto constante estão no auge.

Tudo o que quer fazer é dar as mãos, ter noites de encontro e amar o seu marido de todas as formas imagináveis.

But after years of marriage, this idyllic bubble inevitably bursts, and what you’re left with is reality.

And guess what? That’s perfectly normal – nãoesperado!

So if you’ve been struggling with occasional zonas difíceis, mixed emotions, and a lack of self-esteem, I’m here to help.

Na verdade, isto não é mau. Quando se decide reconhecer um problema e tentar encontrar uma solução, isso é sempre um passo na direção certa.

Right now, you’re confused and probably saddened to feel this way, which is why I urge you to continue reading.

A seguir, revelo o que faz com que uma mulher não queira ser tocada pelo marido e como pode ultrapassar este obstáculo.

Ver também: 20 sinais de um casamento sem amor e 6 maneiras poderosas de lidar com isso

Why Do I Feel No Desire For My Husband’s Touch?

You’re under a huge amount of stress elsewhere in your life

O que torna o afeto físico a coisa menos importante da sua vida.

In a way, it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed, but you also need to learn to separate things.

For example, if your boss is stressing you out at work, or your children are being unruly, it’s important not to let your residual anger from that affect your marriage.

What I do in these situations is let my partner know how I’m feeling and seek a little alone time to work through it. After that, I always feel more refreshed and eager to talk and cuddle.

You’re feeling emotional disconnect in your marriage

Don’t let your parents, in-laws, or any third party affect o seu casamento de qualquer forma.

Este sentimento pode vir de pessoas que oferecem opiniões não solicitadas, o que muitas vezes cria uma desconexão desconfortável.

Ask yourself this: Who’s in this marriage? It’s you and your husband. No one else. So if you’re feeling detached, work it out between yourselves.

It’s not crazy to keep thinking I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore se há todos estes problemas a pairar à vossa volta.

Luckily, it’s easily solvable. Ignore the outside noise and focus on the two of you.

You’re self-conscious about your body image (common for new moms)

If I had a penny for every time I felt sorry for myself after looking in the mirror, I’d be loaded. And yes, it can 100% affect your desire for physical intimacy.

How can you feel like making love if you can’t stand the way you look? It’s challenging to say the least.

If you’ve recently (or not that recently even) given birth, it’s completely normal to feel disconnected from your own body.

It had just gone through something insane and you’re still coming to terms with it. Give yourself time. If this is what’s bothering you, you’re going to be just fine.

Ver também: Como salvar um casamento: 10 métodos comprovados que funcionam sempre

You’re feeling discomfort during intercourse

Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve been feeling any sort of pain or discomfort during intercourse.

This is your husband we’re talking about, you can share it with him.

It’s better to be open about it and help him help you than to secretly be unhappy and miserable. Plus, I’m sure he’d feel awful knowing you didn’t come to him about it.

Partners are there to help each other out. Don’t let a fixable issue affect your intimacy with your hubby!

You’re mentally exhausted

A sua saúde mental is really questionable right now. You’re a full-time mom and wife, and you’re having a hard time balancing all your roles. You’re simply at the end of your wits.

Here’s the deal. If I’m feeling like I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, I make sure to reevaluate my own well-being.

A culpa é minha ou do meu parceiro?

And if I come to the conclusion that my mental exhaustion is making me feel this way, you can bet your booty that I’m going to work on it.

All I can do is suggest the same. Take a load off some days, and let yourself be loved and nurtured. You can’t always be on top of everything.

You’re feeling unappreciated and belittled

You can’t remember the last time your husband took you out and showered you with love and attention.

It’s like all he expects of you is to be a full-time mom and to make love whenever he feels like it.

If there’s an issue around the house, he expects you to fix it and gets mad when you don’t. No wonder you’re feeling this way.

You can’t be expected to want to get busy if you’re so undervalued. He needs to give you the credit you deserve.

You’re secretly holding a grudge that is affecting your intimacy

He’s the one person who can affect your entire mood. And sometimes, his words can really tear your heart apart, but you never tell him, which makes it hard to be intimate.

Don’t let something that happened last year (that you resolved) still live inside your head and mess up your marriage.

If there are old grudges that you haven’t worked out, be sure to let him know. For as long as you keep things bottled up, it’s going to affect your mind, body, and soul.

You’re nervous about your performance

As of late, you’ve been scared that you’re not what your husband needs. Perhaps you’re afraid that he has a porn addiction that makes him look at you in a different light.

You don’t want to jump to conclusions, but he does seem to be into fantasy much more than the real deal, and that makes you feel nervous, to say the least.

The side effects of porn can be severe if he doesn’t work on it. But you need to broach the subject first. If you keep letting him off the hook, things will only worsen.

Ver também: Objectivos para o casamento: 15 coisas principais em que todos os casais se devem concentrar

Não pára de pensar em todos os problemas do passado e do presente

You’re a dweller. You’ve known this all your life, but you just can’t let stuff go. Every time you attempt to clear your mind, every little issue catches up with you.

Your hubby could be initiating love-making, and in the back of your head, all you can think about is how he didn’t wash the dishes that one time or refused to pick you up on a late night out.

It messes with your head, but you can’t let it go. I know that I don’t even have to say it, but you need to work on this. It’s called compartmentalizing.

Learn to let stuff go and stop poisoning your mind. There will always be something to worry about. Don’t let it overcome you!

You don’t feel heard

If you’re being honest, sometimes you feel like you could scream and no one would hear you. You go through everything alone because you don’t want to stress anyone.

But here’s what happens to people who suffer in silence. Eventually, they burn out. They stop wanting to be intimate with their spouses. And ultimately, happiness evades them.

If you don’t feel heard, that’s on him. But if you never do anything about it, that’s entirely on you.

Como recuperar o desejo de intimidade?

Open up about what’s in your head

Em primeiro lugar e acima de tudo, melhorem o nível de comunicação no vosso casamento. Tudo começa e acaba precisamente por aí.

Communication can be the best thing about your marriage or it could end it. What’s it going to be?

Right now you’re thinking: I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, and I have no idea why that is.

But at the same time, you’re never going to get to the bottom of it until you open up.

Dê ao seu marido a oportunidade de a ajudar. São precisos dois para dançar o tango e a sua falta de desejo de contacto físico também o incomoda.

Fazer questão de passar tempo de qualidade juntos para restabelecer a ligação

Recordar a primeira vez disseste-lhe que te amava, e todas as emoções que envolveram esse dia e tudo o que se seguiu.

Tenta recuperar isso. Pense no que a atraiu para ele em primeiro lugar.

Concentre-se em todos os aspectos positivos do seu casamento. A forma como ele a conquistou há tantos anos, como a surpreendeu com um gesto atencioso no seu aniversário, e coisas desse género.

Façam questão de ter sempre o vosso próprio tempo marcado. Nada de falar de crianças, trabalho, problemas ou tarefas. Apenas dois pombinhos a recuperar o seu ritmo.

Ver também: 15 mudanças no corpo e na mente femininos depois do casamento que ninguém lhe conta

Separar o tempo de intimidade do tempo de resolução de problemas

Em vez de discutir a enorme compra que fez ontem na Amazon, concentre-se em recuperar a sua intimidade.

There’s a time and place for resolving issues, so don’t let it seep into your “intimacy time.”

Assim que encontrarem esse equilíbrio, o vosso desejo de preliminares voltará e a hora dos mimos voltará a ser uma coisa boa.

Tell him your biggest turn-ons (you don’t want to hear mine, LOL) and get to work.

Just don’t let that one pesky issue (that’s not a big deal anyhow) prevent you from enjoying the present. You will never be happy for as long as you keep harping on about issues.

Por vezes, é preciso dizer não, hoje nãoe ir curtir com o marido!

Dar as mãos e abraçarmo-nos mais vezes (faz toda a diferença)

Afinal de contas, o seu marido é (espera-se) o seu melhor amigo. Mostre-lhe isso segurando-lhe na mão a caminho da mercearia. Abrace-o sempre que lhe apetecer.

Nunca desista de ser fisicamente íntimo por causa de coisas que podem ser trabalhadas.

You’d be surprised the effect a genuine hug from a loved one has on you.

Start small. Hold his hand, lean into him, hug him, and slowly go from there. Regain that spark one day at a time and you might just see how much you’ve missed his touch after all.

Trabalhar a sua auto-confiança individualmente

If he doesn’t know about your lack of self-esteem, how can he be of service to you? Let him know of your inner struggle and work on getting it under control.

Your self-confidence has everything to do with you. You’re going to have to dig deep to see what’s been holding you back.

Figure out if it’s unfortunate past experiences, bad break-ups, or your superiors at work taking it out on you.

Depois de compreender a raiz do problema, pode começar a trabalhar nele.

Just don’t let your marriage suffer because you’re too afraid to do some much-needed soul-searching.

Deixar de jogar o jogo da culpa e ser uma frente unida

At the end of the day, you’re in this together. It’s not you against your husband, but you two against the problem.

That’s one of the biggest things I need you to understand here. You can’t keep pointing fingers at your husband and act like you’re blame-free for every single issue.

There has to be a mutual understanding and willingness to share your part of the blame. That’s the fastest route to getting your intimacy issues resolved.

When I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, I never let him take all the blame. And rest assured, I do feel that way sometimes.

Mas se quisermos melhorar, temos de assumir a responsabilidade.

Praticar a vulnerabilidade emocional

I get it. It’s hard to open up and be vulnerable. Even if it’s your husband. Having been through so many awful and separações tóxicasCompreendo perfeitamente a dificuldade de ser vulnerável.

Mas, a dada altura, temos de arriscar. Tens de acreditar que ele tem os teus melhores interesses no coração. O mais provável é que ele tenha.

Pratique ser emocionalmente vulnerável. Deixe os seus sentimentos transparecerem e seja corajosa ao dizer-lhe (e mostrar-lhe) o que sente.

Even if you’re scared and feel like he won’t say it back. Remember, that’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

Your husband loves you and he’d most likely do anything for you. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Ver também: Como flertar com o seu marido de 30 maneiras atrevidas e sedutoras

Dividir as tarefas domésticas em partes iguais para libertar a sua carga mental

Personally, this has always been one of my biggest pet peeves. Being expected to be on top of things at home and then desire him intimately as if I hadn’t just scrubbed the bathroom tiles for hours.

But there’s a simple way around this. Make him do his part around the house! It’s so simple.

If there’s something you prefer to do yourself, stick to it and give him the “easy” chores that he can’t mess up.

That way, you’ll be working as a team, and you won’t feel mentally exhausted at the end of the day.

Kind of the perfect situation. don’t you think? It’s his house too. So it’s only natural he does his part in maintaining it.

Don’t be afraid to tell your husband what you like and don’t like in bed

Esta é a raiz de muitos problemas nos casamentos e nas relações em geral. E eu percebo.

It’s awkward telling someone that what they’re doing just isn’t cutting it for you.

Mas é nas conversas sobre estas coisas que reside a verdadeira intimidade. A quem é que vai contar uma coisa destas se não ao seu marido?

This isn’t your first time with him, so stop acting like it. You’ve been at it for probably a number of years, so you have to learn how to discuss these things with him.

And I promise you that he’d be crushed knowing that you’re unhappy with your intimate life and you never told him.

Por isso, abra-se sobre o que gosta e reavive aquela faísca que sabe que ainda existe.

Em vez de recorrer a casos emocionais e ao mundo da fantasia, aproveite o real com a ajuda de uma simples conversa.

Procurar a ajuda de um terapeuta

Ultimately, if you find that you can’t find a solution between yourselves, it’s time to seek the help of a licensed professional.

It’s important that you feel no shame about coming to the conclusion that you need help.

You’d be surprised how many married couples see a therapist on a regular basis. They simply don’t broadcast it!

Por isso, em vez de recear este passo, aceite-o e veja-o como uma bênção disfarçada.

Eles vão ajudá-lo a encontrar formas saudáveis de comunicar e conduzi-lo a um caminho para recuperar a sua intimidade.

And my guess is, after a few visits, you’ll realize what a game-changer this is.

Porque um terapeuta apenas o ajudará a ver que pode resolver o problema com um pequeno empurrão na direção certa.

Vale a pena salvar o seu casamento?

Quando nos concentramos demasiado no pensamento: I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, instead of trying to find reasons and solutions, you’re not giving your marriage a fair shot.

Ainda amas o teu marido? Será que ele ainda te ama?? Ainda queres estar casada com ele?

Is it unfathomable to be with someone else? If the answer to these is yes, then don’t desistir.

Sure, you’ve hit a rough patch, but I’m certain that this isn’t the first obstacle you’ve ever encountered.

Life is utterly unpredictable. While today you’re feeling on top of the world, tomorrow you may experience an ultimate low.

Since you can’t predict what tomorrow holds, all you can focus on is today. So, how can you work on your intimacy issues and broach this subject with your hubby?

Nunca se contente com a miséria e não se detenha em problemas que podem ser resolvidos. Nenhum casamento é perfeito e nenhuma relação está isenta de altos e baixos.

Se queremos alguma coisa, temos de mostrar vontade de lutar por ela.

I can’t be the one to tell you with 100% certainty whether vale a pena salvar o vosso casamento. Isso é algo que sabes no teu íntimo. Tudo o que vos posso dar é o meu conselho genuíno.

But I hope with all my heart that you’ve taken this seriously and that you’ll work on this both individually and as a couple.

Se houver ainda amo de ambas as partes, então não há dúvida de que devem um ao outro manter-se fiéis aos vossos votos.

Ver também: Como ser uma esposa melhor: 20 dicas eficazes para melhorar o seu casamento