Non voglio più che mio marito mi tocchi (Cause e soluzioni)

I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore.

One of the most dreaded sentences you never thought you’d think, let alone utter. Yet here you are.

You’re probably ashamed of feeling no desire for physical contact and wondering what’s wrong with you.

Ma essendomi trovato io stesso in una situazione simile, posso assicurarvi che non è così insolito come temete.

Quando ci si sposa, l'intimità fisica e il desiderio di affetto costante sono al massimo.

Tutto quello che volete fare è tenervi per mano, passare le serate insieme e amare il vostro maritino in ogni modo immaginabile.

But after years of marriage, this idyllic bubble inevitably bursts, and what you’re left with is reality.

And guess what? That’s perfectly normal – no, previsto!

So if you’ve been struggling with occasional macchie ruvide, mixed emotions, and a lack of self-esteem, I’m here to help.

In realtà non è una cosa negativa. Quando si sceglie di riconoscere un problema e di cercare una soluzione, è sempre un passo nella giusta direzione.

Right now, you’re confused and probably saddened to feel this way, which is why I urge you to continue reading.

Di seguito, vi svelo quali sono le cause per cui una donna non vuole essere toccata dal marito e come potete superare questo ostacolo.

Vedi anche: 20 segni di un matrimonio senza amore e 6 modi efficaci per affrontarlo

Why Do I Feel No Desire For My Husband’s Touch?

You’re under a huge amount of stress elsewhere in your life

Il che rende l'affetto fisico la cosa meno importante della vostra vita.

In a way, it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed, but you also need to learn to separate things.

For example, if your boss is stressing you out at work, or your children are being unruly, it’s important not to let your residual anger from that affect your marriage.

What I do in these situations is let my partner know how I’m feeling and seek a little alone time to work through it. After that, I always feel more refreshed and eager to talk and cuddle.

You’re feeling emotional disconnect in your marriage

Don’t let your parents, in-laws, or any third party affect il vostro matrimonio in qualsiasi modo.

Questa sensazione potrebbe derivare da persone che offrono opinioni non richieste, il che spesso crea una spiacevole disconnessione.

Ask yourself this: Who’s in this marriage? It’s you and your husband. No one else. So if you’re feeling detached, work it out between yourselves.

It’s not crazy to keep thinking I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore se ci sono tutti questi problemi che ti girano intorno.

Luckily, it’s easily solvable. Ignore the outside noise and focus on the two of you.

You’re self-conscious about your body image (common for new moms)

If I had a penny for every time I felt sorry for myself after looking in the mirror, I’d be loaded. And yes, it can 100% affect your desire for physical intimacy.

How can you feel like making love if you can’t stand the way you look? It’s challenging to say the least.

If you’ve recently (or not that recently even) given birth, it’s completely normal to feel disconnected from your own body.

It had just gone through something insane and you’re still coming to terms with it. Give yourself time. If this is what’s bothering you, you’re going to be just fine.

Vedi anche: Come salvare un matrimonio: 10 metodi collaudati che funzionano sempre

You’re feeling discomfort during intercourse

Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve been feeling any sort of pain or discomfort during intercourse.

This is your husband we’re talking about, you can share it with him.

It’s better to be open about it and help him help you than to secretly be unhappy and miserable. Plus, I’m sure he’d feel awful knowing you didn’t come to him about it.

Partners are there to help each other out. Don’t let a fixable issue affect your intimacy with your hubby!

You’re mentally exhausted

La vostra salute mentale is really questionable right now. You’re a full-time mom and wife, and you’re having a hard time balancing all your roles. You’re simply at the end of your wits.

Here’s the deal. If I’m feeling like I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, I make sure to reevaluate my own well-being.

È una cosa che riguarda me o è colpa del mio partner?

And if I come to the conclusion that my mental exhaustion is making me feel this way, you can bet your booty that I’m going to work on it.

All I can do is suggest the same. Take a load off some days, and let yourself be loved and nurtured. You can’t always be on top of everything.

You’re feeling unappreciated and belittled

You can’t remember the last time your husband took you out and showered you with love and attention.

It’s like all he expects of you is to be a full-time mom and to make love whenever he feels like it.

If there’s an issue around the house, he expects you to fix it and gets mad when you don’t. No wonder you’re feeling this way.

You can’t be expected to want to get busy if you’re so undervalued. He needs to give you the credit you deserve.

You’re secretly holding a grudge that is affecting your intimacy

He’s the one person who can affect your entire mood. And sometimes, his words can really tear your heart apart, but you never tell him, which makes it hard to be intimate.

Don’t let something that happened last year (that you resolved) still live inside your head and mess up your marriage.

If there are old grudges that you haven’t worked out, be sure to let him know. For as long as you keep things bottled up, it’s going to affect your mind, body, and soul.

You’re nervous about your performance

As of late, you’ve been scared that you’re not what your husband needs. Perhaps you’re afraid that he has a porn addiction that makes him look at you in a different light.

You don’t want to jump to conclusions, but he does seem to be into fantasy much more than the real deal, and that makes you feel nervous, to say the least.

The side effects of porn can be severe if he doesn’t work on it. But you need to broach the subject first. If you keep letting him off the hook, things will only worsen.

Vedi anche: Obiettivi del matrimonio: 15 cose principali su cui tutte le coppie sposate dovrebbero concentrarsi

Vi soffermate su ogni problema passato e presente

You’re a dweller. You’ve known this all your life, but you just can’t let stuff go. Every time you attempt to clear your mind, every little issue catches up with you.

Your hubby could be initiating love-making, and in the back of your head, all you can think about is how he didn’t wash the dishes that one time or refused to pick you up on a late night out.

It messes with your head, but you can’t let it go. I know that I don’t even have to say it, but you need to work on this. It’s called compartmentalizing.

Learn to let stuff go and stop poisoning your mind. There will always be something to worry about. Don’t let it overcome you!

You don’t feel heard

If you’re being honest, sometimes you feel like you could scream and no one would hear you. You go through everything alone because you don’t want to stress anyone.

But here’s what happens to people who suffer in silence. Eventually, they burn out. They stop wanting to be intimate with their spouses. And ultimately, happiness evades them.

If you don’t feel heard, that’s on him. But if you never do anything about it, that’s entirely on you.

Come ripristinare il desiderio di intimità?

Open up about what’s in your head

Innanzitutto, migliorate i livelli di comunicazione nel vostro matrimonio. Tutto inizia e finisce proprio con questo.

Communication can be the best thing about your marriage or it could end it. What’s it going to be?

Right now you’re thinking: I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, and I have no idea why that is.

But at the same time, you’re never going to get to the bottom of it until you open up.

Dia a suo marito la possibilità di aiutarla. Bisogna essere in due per ballare il tango e la vostra mancanza di desiderio di contatto fisico dà fastidio anche a lui.

Dedicare del tempo alla qualità del rapporto con gli altri, per riallacciare i rapporti.

Ricorda la prima volta gli hai detto ti amo, e tutte le emozioni che hanno coinvolto quel giorno e tutto ciò che ne è seguito.

Cercate di riaverlo indietro. Ripensate a ciò che vi ha attirato in primo luogo verso di lui.

Concentratevi su tutti i lati positivi del vostro matrimonio. Il modo in cui vi ha conquistato tanti anni fa, come vi ha sorpreso con un gesto premuroso per il vostro compleanno e cose del genere.

Fate in modo che il vostro tempo sia sempre programmato. Non parlate di bambini, lavoro, problemi o faccende domestiche. Solo due piccioncini che ritrovano il loro ritmo.

Vedi anche: 15 Cambiamenti del corpo e della mente femminile dopo il matrimonio di cui nessuno vi parla

Separare il tempo dell'intimità da quello della risoluzione dei problemi.

Invece di parlare dell'enorme acquisto su Amazon di ieri, concentratevi sul recupero dell'intimità.

There’s a time and place for resolving issues, so don’t let it seep into your “intimacy time.”

Una volta trovato l'equilibrio, la voglia di preliminari tornerà a farsi sentire e il tempo delle coccole tornerà ad essere una cosa normale.

Tell him your biggest turn-ons (you don’t want to hear mine, LOL) and get to work.

Just don’t let that one pesky issue (that’s not a big deal anyhow) prevent you from enjoying the present. You will never be happy for as long as you keep harping on about issues.

A volte è sufficiente dire no, non oggie andare a pomiciare con il marito!

Tenersi per mano e abbracciarsi più spesso (fa la differenza)

Dopo tutto, vostro marito è (si spera) il vostro migliore amico. Dimostrateglielo tenendolo per mano mentre andate a fare la spesa. Abbracciatelo ogni volta che ne avete voglia.

Non rinunciate mai all'intimità fisica a causa di cose su cui si può lavorare.

You’d be surprised the effect a genuine hug from a loved one has on you.

Start small. Hold his hand, lean into him, hug him, and slowly go from there. Regain that spark one day at a time and you might just see how much you’ve missed his touch after all.

Lavorare individualmente sulla fiducia in se stessi

If he doesn’t know about your lack of self-esteem, how can he be of service to you? Let him know of your inner struggle and work on getting it under control.

Your self-confidence has everything to do with you. You’re going to have to dig deep to see what’s been holding you back.

Figure out if it’s unfortunate past experiences, bad break-ups, or your superiors at work taking it out on you.

Una volta compresa la radice del problema, si può iniziare a lavorare su di esso.

Just don’t let your marriage suffer because you’re too afraid to do some much-needed soul-searching.

Smettere di giocare a scaricabarile ed essere un fronte unito

At the end of the day, you’re in this together. It’s not you against your husband, but you two against the problem.

That’s one of the biggest things I need you to understand here. You can’t keep pointing fingers at your husband and act like you’re blame-free for every single issue.

There has to be a mutual understanding and willingness to share your part of the blame. That’s the fastest route to getting your intimacy issues resolved.

When I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, I never let him take all the blame. And rest assured, I do feel that way sometimes.

Ma se volete migliorare, dovete assumervi la responsabilità.

Praticare la vulnerabilità emotiva

I get it. It’s hard to open up and be vulnerable. Even if it’s your husband. Having been through so many awful and rotture tossicheComprendo perfettamente la difficoltà di essere vulnerabili.

Ma a un certo punto bisogna rischiare. Dovete credere che lui abbia a cuore il vostro interesse. È probabile che lo faccia.

Esercitatevi a essere emotivamente vulnerabili. Lasciate che i vostri sentimenti escano allo scoperto e siate coraggiosi nel dirgli (e mostrargli) come vi sentite.

Even if you’re scared and feel like he won’t say it back. Remember, that’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

Your husband loves you and he’d most likely do anything for you. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Vedi anche: Come flirtare con il proprio marito in 30 modi sgarbati e seducenti

Dividete equamente le faccende domestiche in modo da liberare il vostro carico mentale.

Personally, this has always been one of my biggest pet peeves. Being expected to be on top of things at home and then desire him intimately as if I hadn’t just scrubbed the bathroom tiles for hours.

But there’s a simple way around this. Make him do his part around the house! It’s so simple.

If there’s something you prefer to do yourself, stick to it and give him the “easy” chores that he can’t mess up.

That way, you’ll be working as a team, and you won’t feel mentally exhausted at the end of the day.

Kind of the perfect situation. don’t you think? It’s his house too. So it’s only natural he does his part in maintaining it.

Don’t be afraid to tell your husband what you like and don’t like in bed

Questa è la radice di molti problemi nei matrimoni e nelle relazioni in generale. E lo capisco.

It’s awkward telling someone that what they’re doing just isn’t cutting it for you.

Ma è parlando di queste cose che si crea la vera intimità. A chi racconterai una cosa del genere se non a tuo marito?

This isn’t your first time with him, so stop acting like it. You’ve been at it for probably a number of years, so you have to learn how to discuss these things with him.

And I promise you that he’d be crushed knowing that you’re unhappy with your intimate life and you never told him.

Quindi apritevi a ciò che vi piace e ravvivate la scintilla che sapete essere ancora presente.

Invece di ricorrere alle relazioni sentimentali e al mondo della fantasia, godetevi la reale con l'aiuto di una semplice conversazione.

Cercare l'aiuto di un terapeuta

Ultimately, if you find that you can’t find a solution between yourselves, it’s time to seek the help of a licensed professional.

It’s important that you feel no shame about coming to the conclusion that you need help.

You’d be surprised how many married couples see a therapist on a regular basis. They simply don’t broadcast it!

Quindi, invece di temere questo passo, abbracciatelo e vedetelo come una benedizione sotto mentite spoglie.

Vi aiuteranno a trovare modi sani di comunicare e vi guideranno verso un percorso di recupero dell'intimità.

And my guess is, after a few visits, you’ll realize what a game-changer this is.

Perché un terapeuta vi aiuterà semplicemente a capire che potete risolvere la situazione con una piccola spinta nella giusta direzione.

Vale la pena salvare il vostro matrimonio?

Quando ci si concentra troppo sul pensiero: I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore, instead of trying to find reasons and solutions, you’re not giving your marriage a fair shot.

Ama ancora suo marito? Ti ama ancora?? Vuoi ancora essere sposata con lui?

Is it unfathomable to be with someone else? If the answer to these is yes, then don’t rinunciare.

Sure, you’ve hit a rough patch, but I’m certain that this isn’t the first obstacle you’ve ever encountered.

Life is utterly unpredictable. While today you’re feeling on top of the world, tomorrow you may experience an ultimate low.

Since you can’t predict what tomorrow holds, all you can focus on is today. So, how can you work on your intimacy issues and broach this subject with your hubby?

Non accontentatevi mai dell'infelicità e non soffermatevi su problemi che possono essere risolti. Nessun matrimonio è perfetto e nessuna relazione è priva di alti e bassi.

Se si vuole qualcosa, bisogna dimostrare la volontà di lottare per ottenerla.

I can’t be the one to tell you with 100% certainty whether il vostro matrimonio vale la pena di essere salvato. Questo è qualcosa che sapete nel profondo. Posso solo darvi un consiglio sincero.

But I hope with all my heart that you’ve taken this seriously and that you’ll work on this both individually and as a couple.

Se c'è ancora amore da entrambe le parti, allora non c'è dubbio che vi dobbiate reciprocamente mantenere la fedeltà alle vostre promesse.

Vedi anche: Come essere una moglie migliore: 20 consigli efficaci per migliorare il vostro matrimonio