Para a minha rapariga que se perdeu para um homem narcisista: Agora estás segura

Amava-o tanto, tão forte e ingenuamente. Pensava que era a rapariga mais sortuda do mundo. Não fazias ideia do que te esperava. Não fazia ideia da dor que iria sofrer e das lágrimas que iria derramar por alguém que nunca o mereceu.

Pensaste que ias encontrar o teu "felizes para sempre" naquele homem. Não fazias ideia de que, durante todo esse tempo, amaste o homem errado. Não fazias ideia de que o teu amor iria sair pela culatra e cuspir-te na cara.

Depois de provares o puro mal encarnado nele, o amor nunca mais foi o mesmo. Nunca soubeste se serias capaz de voltar a amar alguém. A tua felicidade desvaneceu-se e foi substituída por uma enorme tristeza. E quando havia momentos em que te esquecias de como estavas magoada, as memórias vinham à tona e lembravam-te de novo como eras infeliz.

Andava a vaguear pela sua própria vida como um estranho. Tentava encontrar novamente um sentido, mas falhava sempre. Não tinha qualquer controlo sobre o que estava a acontecer. A tua mente aprisionava-te e as memórias dele assombravam-te, mesmo quando estavas a dormir.

I know you weren’t always like that. I know that you had the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen. I know that you enjoyed life and were grateful for every next moment to come. You were that person who would light up the room wherever she goes.

But when you met him, all of that was gone. You stopped smiling. You wanted to comfort me by pretending that you were okay by forcing a smile on your face. But, I knew always. I knew because there was no spark in your eyes and those cute little wrinkles around your mouth when you smiled sincerely disappeared. I knew you were unhappy and I couldn’t do anything about it.

He changed you from the core. Instead of being that happy, likable girl I’d known, you became depressed and anxious. You lied to me, saying that you were sick, that you couldn’t get out of the bed. But I know that you didn’t want to get up. I know that he broke your spirit and I wanted him to suffer at least half as much as what you were going through. But I couldn’t do anything about it. You kept me in the dark. I was just a friend back then and you didn’t want to admit you’d made a mistake. I would have forgiven you. I would have given you everything, even then.

Later on, you said to me that you were ashamed of letting him change you. You admitted that you were going through hell, but you couldn’t let anyone know because you were angry at yourself for letting a manipulative idiot like him destroy you.

You trusted him because he made you feel safe. He tricked you into thinking that he’ll be there for you whenever you needed him, whenever you were hurt. You couldn’t have imagined that he will be the one who will hurt you on purpose, and pretend to comfort and be there for you. You couldn’t have imagined that such a diabolical being like him could walk this earth.

You lost yourself to a man who was incapable of love. You thought you could teach him to love. You saw that potential in him because he enchanted you. He sweet-talked you and made you believe that he is worthy of giving it a shot. But, you can’t teach a narcissist to love. I warned you back then. I begged you to stay away from him, but you kept answering back that things are going to be fine. I had no idea I love you, not until you’d fallen into the arms of another man. A man who didn’t deserve you.

There was nothing I could do but watch you suffer quietly and under the radar. But, you could never hide anything from me. I always knew when you lied right to my face. But I let you think that I’m clueless because I knew that one day, you’ll open up and when that day came, I stood there with my arms wide open, waiting for you to come.

Dei-te tudo o que te faltava. Queria abraçar-te durante tanto tempo. Nunca te quis deixar ir. Queria compensar tudo com aquele abraço. Eu queria fazer tudo certo de novo com aquele beijo na bochecha.

Senti o quanto estavas destroçada. Senti todas as palavras desagradáveis que ele te tinha dito. Senti cada murro no teu coração. As tuas nódoas negras também me magoaram.

Eu queria tirar tudo de ti. Queria apagar tudo com apenas aquele abraço. E isso foi só o começo. Aquele abraço foi apenas a ponta do icebergue.

I swear to you that no one will bring tears to your eyes again. I swear to you that your smile is not gone forever. I will bring it back. I know it won’t happen right away. But, I also want you to know that you are not alone anymore. I want you to know that on days when you don’t want to get out of the bed, I will be lying right next to you. I want you to know that when memories come rushing back, I will be there to help you chase them away.

We’re in this together. The only thing I regret is letting you go with him. I regret I was stupid for not seeing that I loved you even then more than life itself. But, our story has a happy ending after all because I swear on my life that I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again.

And in the end, to him, I’ve only got one thing to say: Sleep tight while you can because at the end of our journey, we will all be faced with whatever we’ve done so far. We will all answer for our sins. Just pray you will be able to take whatever awaits you.

por Owen Scott