Homem confessa porque está a olhar para outras mulheres e o que isso significa para ele

Imagine you’re at the club with your man and suddenly a very hot girl steps on the dance floor. He turns his head, dirige-lhe um olhar bastante luxurioso e examina todas as suas arestas e curvas, para cima e para baixo.

You’re instantly flooded with negative emotions. You’re mad, jealous, and insecure, all at the same time. Surgem várias perguntas na sua cabeça.

O que é que isto significa?

Não sou suficientemente atraente?

Ele está a namoriscar com ela?

If this happened to you, don’t worry it happened to almost every woman.

1. All men do that

Let’s be honest, nós olhamos para as outras mulheres! Todas nós! A toda a hora!

Take me for instance, I’m happily married and I love my wifey more than anything in the world. She’s the mother of my children and I would never cheat on her. Or be disloyal in any way!

Mas, I do have eyes, and I can’t pretend to be blind when a beautiful woman crosses my way.

That’s just in men’s nature. Maybe you can’t resist looking at that hot bartender every morning, either.

Podes esperar que eu olhe para outras mulheres. Posso esperar a tua reação impulsiva when you notice I look at her. It’s all perfectly normal.

Mas alguma vez pensaste em porquê que estamos a ver?

2. What does it mean when we look at other women?

Acho-a atraente, sim.

If I was single I would consider her as my intimate partner, but since I’m not that’s not an option. Other than imagining.

Olhar para uma mulher atraente provoca uma reação química no meu cérebro. A dopamina e a serotonina são libertadas e sinto prazer.

I do want her and imagine what it would be like kissing or holding her.

Mas that’s just fantasy, like when you’re dreaming you’re in bed with Josh Hartnett or Henry Cavill.

It’s harmless and innocent. It only happens in our heads! It’s not reality!

3. It doesn’t mean our relationship is under threat

If I look at other women it doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you. It doesn’t mean you’re not hot, beautiful, affectionate, or passionate enough for me. It doesn’t mean she’s prettier than you. It doesn’t mean you should feel bad about yourself, feel insecure, or angry.

I’m not being unfaithful or planning to cheat on you. A glance is not a betrayal. Our relationship is not under threat.

It doesn’t mean I’m not happy with you. My looking at her doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of our marriage or relationship.

Estamos rodeados de coisas bonitas na natureza. Para não falar das obras de arte. Ficavas chateado se eu olhasse para a Mona Lisa? It’s just admiration and appreciation of the beauty I encounter.

If I look at her, it doesn’t mean I love you any less. It’s just my stare, applauding a beautiful female body. Nothing more.

4. We are wired differently

É preciso compreender que men don’t mistake physical attraction for an emotional bond.

It’s only physical. I can’t find her appealing even if I don’t see any compatibility or connection with her. I can be crazy about my wife but still be attracted to other women.

Men and women are differently wired when it comes to attraction.

As mulheres procuram o par perfeito com o seu homem ideal imaginário. Ou, por vezes, têm uma determinada pessoa na cabeça, talvez um dos seus ex, e procuram uma semelhança. Assim they’re attracted to the familiar and “known”.

Men, on the other hand, look for new and “unknown”, so we are attracted to novelty. We might have “our type” but still be attracted to completely different features and body shapes.

Na sua natureza fundamental, as mulheres são cuidadoras e nutridoras, enquanto os homens são errantes. We don’t look at other women to make you jealous or upset you, it goes instinctively. Quando damos por isso, os nossos olhos estão colados a ela. It’s not a decision, it just happens.

Também don’t forget how society is making us overly aroused all the time. We are continuously exposed to images and advertising campaigns that hit us with pictures of photoshopped and idealized female bodies. You must’ve noticed beautiful women everywhere! You can’t just blame me.

5. What to do when the fact I look at other women affects our relationship?

Expliquei tudo sobre a razão pela qual olho para outras mulheres, como me sinto e como se deve sentir em relação a isso.

Mas e quando passa a linha? O que fazer quando se torna desrespeitoso e ofensivo?

Deixem-me ser claro, olhar para as mulheres é uma coisa. When looking is just a prelude to acting on it, then it’s a totally different thing.

I look at her, she passes and I’m done. I’m devoted and loyal to my wife.

Se o seu homem vai para além do simples olhar, se ele começar a namoriscar, ou a fazer comentários, são sinais de alerta. Then it’s beyond instinct, and it becomes a decision.

Então, your man is disrespectful, immature, and doesn’t care about you. Por isso, certifique-se de que nota a diferença.

6. He didn’t look at other women earlier, had he lost interest in me?

Usually, it starts after a year or so, when the honeymoon phase ends.

Before that, we are too “high on love” to notice anything around us but the object of our affection.

That’s why there are no “wandering eyes” at this stage.

Depois, imobilizamo-nos e começar a reparar no mundo que nos rodeia e em toda a beleza que ele encerra.

For the first two years, I was too enchanted by my wifey to notice any other female.

Then, when all the excitement kind of deflated, and the chemistry of my brain changed, my “sight” got back to normal.

7. Tell him how you feel

No entanto, se isso o incomodar demasiado, tente falar e explique como ele a faz sentir when he looks at other women. He should know it’s a problem for you.

Estabelecer limites, e let him know you will not tolerate if he’s looking too often, ou demasiado longo.

If he’s truly into you, he will adjust and avoid making you uncomfortable. His as palavras e os actos dirão se ele gosta de si e se ele quer comprometer-se.

A real man always values emotional bonds over a one-night stand. He always puts love and respect first. You’re his priority. Not some physical urges and impulses.

Lembrar, o mais importante é a forma como o faz sentir, não a sua aparência.

Make sure to talk it out and don’t let some hot passer-by ruin what you two have.

You’re welcome!