17 Regras para amigos com benefícios para manter as coisas casuais

Penso que todos vimos a comédia romântica "Amigos com Benefícios", onde Justin Timberlake e Mila Kunis fazem com que este tipo de relação pareça muito suave.

Mas esqueceram todas as regras dos amigos com benefícios quando se apaixonaram.

Existem dois cenários possíveis com um amigos com benefícios relação.

This is the first one, where both partners fall in love and realize they can’t continue with this type of relationship and decide to make their relationship official.

TEste é o que tem um final feliz.

O segundo cenário, com um final não tão feliz, é quando um dos parceiros começa a captar sentimentos for their FWB and that makes them end their relationship before it’s too late.

This doesn’t mean that a FWB relationship can’t work. It really can but it’s almost always short-lived. You can’t be in such a relationship forever.

You can’t be with someone for pure physical pleasure for too long. After some time, one of you will fall in love with the other person or will want a more relação séria.

You’ll want someone with whom you’ll be able to talk about your day, someone to confide in and someone you’ll be able to date without any ground rules or anything like that.

It’s so much easier for guys to follow the friends with benefits rules. They’re used to no-strings-attached hookups.

Women are a lot different. We fall in love much faster than guys and that’s why it’s much more difficult for us to maintain a relationship without any romantic feelings being involved.

17 Regras necessárias para amigos com benefícios

Eis algumas regras importantes se quiser ter uma relação bem sucedida com o seu companheiro de diversão e não apaixonar-se com eles ao fim de algum tempo e estragar tudo.

É preciso estar 100% preparado para este tipo de relação

Antes de entrarem numa relação, ambos têm de ler e estar preparados para seguir todas estas regras e têm de compreender o seu verdadeiro significado.

If you fall in love easily or catch feelings too quickly, this relationship definitely isn’t for you.

However, if you want to have fun without any commitment or if you’re looking for some random engate, entre no seu perfil do Tinder e deixe a busca começar.

Escolher sabiamente o seu parceiro FWB

You must find a person who’s also willing to accept all of these rules. Before you get involved in anything, you must define your relationship and be sure that you both want the same thing.

I wouldn’t recommend for you to be involved in this type of relationship with your co-worker or best friend; actually, it would be better to choose someone you’ve just met.

If you start a FWB relationship with someone you know, it’ll just complicate the relationship between you once the affair ends.

The ‘friends’ part is really important

Don’t just pay attention to the ‘benefits’ part. You should also have a friendly relationship even before getting physically intimate.

You don’t have to be melhores amigos who’ll share all of your secrets and keep in touch 24/7 but it’s nice to get to know them a little bit more.

You’ll then both feel more sure that it’ll positively affect your intimacy.

Ter expectativas muito claras

Por isso, a primeira coisa a fazer é definir a vossa relação.

There shouldn’t be any unrealistic expectativas and you shouldn’t expect for the relationship to become official after some time, even if you do develop some feelings for your fun buddy.

The only expectation you should have is that there shouldn’t be any expectations or obligations. It’s a relationship without any commitment and that’s the way you should keep it.

Estabelecer limites é um DEVER

Como em qualquer outra relação, estabelecer limites claros é crucial para que esta relação funcione.

A definição de limites ajudá-lo-á a saber que ambos estão na mesma página emocional.

Both partners must be clear about what they want from the relationship and both of you have to respect each other’s boundaries.

Verificar regularmente

You don’t have to be in contact all day long but you should check in regularly, at least every other day.

Texting your fun buddy only when you want to meet up with them is a little bit disrespectful and even if it’s not a real relationship, you should show them respect and appreciation.

You aren’t dating, therefore dates are off-limits

Going out for a coffee or to the cinema or preparing them dinner at your place is something you should definitely avoid because that’s a sure way you’ll catch some feelings.

This isn’t a real relationship and you aren’t dating, that’s why you shouldn’t go on dates. The only date you should have is the one in the bedroom.

Os mimos não são permitidos

Como se trata de uma espécie de relação romântica, muitos casais FWB pensam que devem acariciar-se durante os preliminares ou depois da intimidade.

Actually, it’s better to avoid acariciar porque produz oxitocina (a hormona do amor ou do carinho) e as suas emoções vão atrapalhar e arruinar o acordo que tem.

Remember, you aren’t dating and cuddling will probably just confuse you both and complicate your relationship.

Estar aberto a experimentar coisas novas

While you’re having fun with this kind of relationship, this may also be a perfect time to try some new things you always wanted to do in the bedroom.

Pergunte ao seu companheiro de diversão quais são as suas fantasias ou se ele gostaria de experimentar algo novo.

If they suggest something new without you even asking them, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and have a little bit more fun.

Tentar, mas mesmo TENTAR, não apanhar os sentimentos

This won’t be difficult if you both do follow these rules. Keep in touch but don’t spend too much time together.

It’s okay to become friends with them and get to know a little bit more but you shouldn’t tell them everything about your life.

Mantenha a relação leve e divertida e tente não a aprofundar demasiado.

Respect the ‘no sleepover’ rule

Passar uma noite juntos pode complicar a vossa relação.

You’ll see how confused you’ll be the next morning, when you wake up by their side.

You won’t know whether you should stay and wait for them to wake up or just sneak out of their place. It’s unnecessary and definitely not good if you want to keep things casual.

You’re both allowed to date other people

With all FWB arrangements and rules, both sides have the right to date other people because their relationship isn’t exclusivo.

Being in a casual relationship like this doesn’t mean you’re taken.

You’re still single and in the dating game and whenever you meet someone new, someone you would like to date officially, you have the right to end the affair with your fun buddy.

Talvez isto possa parecer injusto, mas as regras são estas.

O ciúme está fora de questão

No strings attached means that there shouldn’ be jealousy either.

You’re both allowed to date other people, meet new people and go out with whomever you want.

Se começar a sentir-se ciumento because your partner finds someone new and starts dating them for real, it’s a good sign that you do have some romantic feelings for them.

If you keep being emotionally unattached, you won’t probably have any problems with the other side dating someone else.

It would be better if you didn’t meet each other’s family and friends

You’ll probably want to tell someone about your little affair and you should but only one of your best friends. Be aware that the fewer people who know about it, the better it is for you.

Pensa nisso. O que dirias à tua família sobre o teu amigo? Ele não é apenas o seu amigo e não é apenas o seu amante.

Would you have the guts to tell them the truth, that he’s your fun buddy?

Meeting each other’s friends and family members would just unnecessarily complicate things.

Além disso, será mais difícil lidar com a separação depois de terminar a relação, porque a sua família ou amigos poderão perguntar frequentemente por eles e poderá não saber o que lhes dizer.

Don’t create unnecessary drama

If something happens, like if you disagree about something or your partner starts dating someone, don’t immediately start creating unnecessary drama.

Most people like this kind of relationship exactly because they’re completely drama-free or at least they should be.

É preciso saber porque é que se está lá. Só pela diversão, certo? Não há piada nenhuma em criar dramas desnecessários.

Utilizar sempre proteção

You’re aware that this relationship is just temporário, right? You know you’re there for fun and excitement only, right?

Then stay safe and always use protection. It will keep you STD-free (as you’re in a non-monogamous relationship) and will also prevent the risk of pregnancy.

Don’t ruin all the fun and excitement there is just because you’re in a hurry or you simply forget to use protection.

Esse momento de irreflexão pode ser lamentado para o resto da vida.

Seguir cegamente todas estas regras

Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I have been there already and it didn’t end well because I thought we’d be able to function like that without any rules.

We still don’t talk, even though it was so long ago. And the worst thing is that person is my co-worker.

Tenho de os ver todos os dias no meu local de trabalho e ainda há alguma tensão entre nós.

That’s why I would honestly advise you to follow these ground rules that will help you get a better understanding of this kind of relationship and maintain it for as long as you want.

Os amigos com benefícios funcionam?

A FWB relationship is really trending nowadays and it’s becoming more and more popular every day because of many reasons.

It’s popular with people who aren’t ready for a relação de compromisso e são, de facto, os que mais se envolvem neste tipo de relação.

This option works best for them because they need that ‘no strings attached’ fun and they don’t really even want to think about getting into more serious relationships yet.

The other day, I read the question, “Can friends with benefits work in real life?” and it made me really laugh.

Tal como qualquer outra relação, as relações entre amigos também podem funcionar se ambos os parceiros se esforçarem para que resultem.

Of course, it doesn’t require saso much effort as a more serious relationship; however, there are some very important rules that both sides must respect if they want to maintain their relationship.

Já alguma vez ouviu falar de um contrato do tipo "amigos com benefícios"? Sim, isso também existe.

If you feel it’ll be better for you both to make your arrangement official, this is a great solution.

Pode encontrar alguns modelos de contrato na Internet e modificá-lo de forma a que fique bem para ambos.

Remember, if both sides are ready to stick to their part of the arrangement, you’ll be able to maintain your FWB relationship without getting attached for sure.

Por vezes, pode durar até mais do que algumas relações reais.

Como terminar uma relação de amigos com benefícios?

Terminar uma relação de amigos com benefícios é quase sempre muito difícil e doloroso para um dos parceiros.

Por vezes, uma das partes esquece a regra mais importante do FWB e apaixona-se pela outra parte.

Por vezes, um dos parceiros quer algo diferente, algo mais sério, e isso leva-o a pôr fim ao seu caso atual.

If you want to get out of your friends with benefits situation, here are some dos and don’ts that will help you to end it in the least painful way possible.

Tem de o fazer pessoalmente

Don’t be a coward and stand behind the decisions you make.

Don’t start avoiding your FWB partner all of a sudden just because you don’t have the guts para romper.

Don’t hide behind text messages or social media. If you make a decision to end your FWB relationship, you have to do it face-to-face.

Maybe you’re afraid of the other’s side reaction or how they’ll deal with the breakup but still, it really is the best choice to do it in person.

Also, you shouldn’t do it in public because your partner might be hurt and they might deal with it even worse if you do it this way.

They might be surprised by your decision and they won’t know how to react to it while there are other people around you.

Sente-se e tenha uma conversa honesta com o seu parceiro FWB

Seja qual for o motivo que o leva a pôr fim ao seu pequeno caso, deve ser honesto com a outra parte e dizer-lhe.

Mesmo que não tenha motivos ou que se tenha aborrecido com esse tipo de relação, deve dizer-lhes honestamente.

Don’t leave the relationship open-ended or give them any false hope.

Even if you aren’t sure about your decision, you mustn’t lead them on until you’re completely sure or until you find someone else.

After all, you’ve spent a part of your life with that person and even though it wasn’t a committed relationship, you must be fair to them and end things in the right way.

Mas mantém a separação leve

You’re both aware that you agreed on a casual relationship with no strings attached. That’s exactly how your breakup should be.

A outra parte pode ter começado captando sentimentos for you and the breakup might be painful for them but you shouldn’t feel like it’s your fault.

Eles sabiam desde o primeiro momento no que se estavam a meter e entraram nessa relação de livre vontade.

They made a mistake by not respecting your FWB rules so you shouldn’t feel bad if they don’t take the breakup well.

Don’t try to comfort them in the moment with some silly words like, “You’ll be fine,” “You’ll move on,” “You’ll meet someone new soon…” No, you are the last person they need in their support network right now.

Dizer-lhes que gostaria de continuar a ser amigo deles

Don’t push it but ask them how they feel about staying in contact and hanging out as friends sometimes.

If they haven’t fallen in love with you, they’ll probably take the breakup well and they’ll be able to stay friends with you.

Of course, because of your history, you won’t be able to be best friends immediately but who knows… Talvez, com o tempo, se tornem os melhores amigos e se riam da vossa pequena aventura no passado.

If they don’t take the breakup well, they probably won’t want to permanecer amigos consigo depois.

They’ll know that it would be impossible to become friends with you without hurting their own feelings.

Also, when you mention how you would like to stay friends with them, don’t do it in a stupid way, like asking them, “Can we stay friends?” or just by stretching your hand out to shake hands with them and simply asking,

“Friends?”

Se o fizeres dessa forma, deves esperar que te dêem uma bofetada ou, pelo menos, que virem as costas e se vão embora sem te dizer uma palavra.

Ouça o que eles têm a dizer sobre a separação

After you tell them the news about the breakup, sit down, as it’s now your time to listen.

As suas opiniões não devem afetar ou alterar a sua decisão, mas deve mostrar-lhes respeito e ouvir o que têm para dizer.

If they feel like you did something wrong to them or how you didn’t respect your part of the FWB arrangement and you realize they’re right, you should apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness.

Se perguntarem não telefonar or check in with them for a while, you should agree to that and promise them that even though you would like to stay friends with them, you won’t do it until they’re ready to talk and hang out with you.

Okay, it wasn’t a serious and committed relação romântica mas pode ser doloroso para o vosso amigo.

Maybe they got used to you or maybe they became attached to you even though they knew they shouldn’t. Sometimes, we can’t order our heart what to do or whom to love.

Don’t devalue them

You’re breaking up with them and it’s probably because you no longer like them or you no longer enjoy the thing you have.

No entanto, passou algum tempo com essa pessoa e ela merece o seu respeito e apreço.

Don’t make this FWB situation more difficult than it is already, especially if you see that they’re suffering because of your decision to split up.

Ele precisa de saber o quanto o aprecia como amigo e o quanto significaria para si se pudessem continuar amigos.

Diga-lhe que também aprecia o tempo que passaram juntos e tudo aquilo por que passaram.

Also, tell them how your relationship was really fun and that you’ll always cherish those good moments and memories but now the time has come for you to move on.

Manter a sua decisão, aconteça o que acontecer

Some people can’t lidar com a rejeição bem. Your partner may be one of those people and even if they don’t have romantic feelings for you, they might get angry after you end your affair.

However, once again, that isn’t your fault so don’t let it affect your decision.

If they start crying or begging you not to break up, that shouldn’t change your mind about ending that little affair you had.

Tiveram o vosso acordo de amigos com benefícios e eles sabiam que a vossa relação acabaria por chegar ao fim.

Tem as suas razões para acabar com a relação e deve manter-se fiel a elas, independentemente da forma como a pessoa reagir à notícia.

Cortar todos os contactos após a separação durante algum tempo

It’s okay to ask them to stay friends after the breakup. However, you should give both them and you some time to process it all.

If they are emotionally attached to you, the breakup will hurt their feelings and it’ll be more difficult for them to process their emotions.

You should give them some time to grieve and to decide whether it’s really a good decision for you to stay friends or not.

Pode haver alguma tensão entre vocês depois da separação e provavelmente seria melhor que ambos respeitassem a regra de não contacto.

Passado algum tempo, é provável que ambos sigam em frente e, se sentir falta do amigo, pode contactá-lo e convidá-lo para um café ou algo do género.

Don’t immediately get back in the dating game

After you end your FWB relationship, don’t immediately activate your Tinder profile again and start looking for a new FWB partner.

Mesmo que tenha sido você a terminar a relação, deve dar a si próprio algum tempo para pensar na sua relação anterior e reconsiderar se quer mesmo uma casual uma relação como essa novamente ou se está pronto para algo mais sério.

Além disso, ao fim de algum tempo, poderá aperceber-se de que sentiu algo pelo seu ex-parceiro de FWB e que, na verdade, rompeu com ele porque tinha medo do que poderia acontecer a seguir.

Poderá aperceber-se de que a separação foi um grande erro e quererá reconciliar-se com a pessoa e levar a vossa relação para o nível seguinte.

Give yourself some time to clear your thoughts and your feelings. Give yourself some time to see whether you’re going to miss that person.

Maybe you’ll regret the breakup and be able to save the relationship before it’s too late.

Ver também: Mais do que amigos com benefícios, mas não uma relação

Desfruta da tua relação FWB enquanto dura

Começaram este tipo de relação apenas porque querem divertir-se sem terem quaisquer obrigações reais um para com o outro, certo?

Then don’t think too much about whether it’s going to work out or not and just enjoy it while it lasts.

However, don’t get into such a relationship if you don’t think you will be able to be with someone and spend time with them without your feelings getting involved.

Este tipo de relação pode parecer excitante e divertida, mas também pode levá-lo a ficar de coração partido.

Ambas as partes devem seguir estas regras de amizade com benefícios e só assim conseguirão manter a vossa relação.

Tenha sempre em mente a razão pela qual está ali. Se começar a sentir alguma coisa pelo seu parceiro FWB, saia dessa relação e tente seguir em frente o mais depressa possível.