Controlar as emoções não significa evitá-las

Do you feel like lately, everything’s pushed into either one of two opposite extremes? It feels like there’s no middle ground.

Quer se trate de algo tão complexo como a política ou tão simples como a maquilhagem, há sempre que escolher um lado.

There’s always the ‘right’ side or the right way to do something and then there’s the ‘wrong’ side and way.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t leave a lot of room for actual conversation and debate, since everyone is holding on to predefined rules so tightly.

This ‘either black or white’ method of living and perceiving the world around us has found its way into how we deal with our emotional life as well.

We feel pressured to either control ourself and always push ourself to the limit and ‘be the best version of ourself’ or to be spontaneous, show emotions and agree that we’re ‘enough as we are’.

Pode ter ambos

The truth is, you’re already the best version of yourself because every person is doing their best even in the moment when they’re thinking it’s ‘not enough’.

Even when you’re hurt and crying, even when you give in to self-destructive habits, you’re doing the best you can at that given movement and therefore, it’s enough.

I remember when my friend cheated on her then-boyfriend whom she wasn’t happy with.

Sentiu-se culpada por ter feito batota, mas ao mesmo tempo, e só depois de ter deixado que as suas necessidades fossem satisfeitas noutro lugar, percebeu finalmente que a sua relação não era suficiente para ela.

Now, I don’t endorse cheating as a way to fix your problems; in fact, I want to point out that there’s no need to complicate your life in such a way when you can let your needs be met in a much healthier way.

E como é que se faz isso?

By listening to yourself. By letting yourself feel things… no matter how irrational you think it is… and then observing those emotions as if they were someone else’s.

To get in control of your emotions, you’ll first need to know what triggers them and that won’t happen if you keep on avoiding them.

I can guarantee you that after a real and honest venting, either on your own or to someone you trust, you’ll have a clearer view of the situation that upset you.

Permitir-se sentir emoções, em vez de as ignorar e varrer para debaixo do tapete, acabará por ajudá-lo a estar em paz consigo próprio.

Sempre que decidimos ter compaixão por nós próprios e dar-nos tempo, as nossas emoções tornam-se menos intensas.

Control isn’t about restriction, it’s about knowing what’s good for you and then having the discipline to practice whatever that is.

It’s not about punishing but self-compassion

If you’ve been hurt, I know your goal is not to be hurt again.

That doesn’t mean you need to shut off your emotions. It means you need to understand them, find the root of the feelings that bring you pain and replant them into better soil.

Isto requer muita autorreflexão e alguns comprimidos difíceis de engolir. Sempre que decidir ser realista em relação a algo importante sobre si mesmo, espere que os seus mecanismos de defesa fiquem loucos.

In other words, don’t let yourself deceive yourself. Isso também significa deixar de culpar os outros pelas suas próprias falhas.

Quase todas as nossas relações são reflexos de nós próprios, por isso, antes de culpar outra pessoa por nos fazer sentir de uma determinada forma, pense porque é que a deixou.

No one can give you what you really need but yourself so why won’t you stop avoiding your emotions and greet them instead?

You’ll never stop being you, so let yourself be your friend.