Como começar a amar-se a si próprio de 10 formas revolucionárias

O amor é a emoção mais bela de todas. No entanto, por mais espantoso que seja ter um coração aberto para com os outros, a questão mais importante do mundo é: como começar a amarmo-nos a nós próprios?

When you have a hard time caring about yourself, nothing else in your life can go right. You have zero self-confidence, you feel no security and at the end of the day, you don’t live a happy life.

Toda a gente fala disso. Para onde quer que olhemos, lemos e ouvimos coisas que nos recordam a importância do amor-próprio.

So, you’re perfectly aware that you have to start giving yourself more love. However, nobody actually tells you how to start loving yourself.

Bem, ninguém exceto nós.

Aqui está um guia passo a passo da sua jornada de amor-próprio e a resposta à pergunta como amar a si próprio mais.

Esqueça a ideia de ser perfeccionista

The number one reason why most people don’t love truly themselves is the fact that they’re perfectionists.

Don’t misunderstand me; trying to improve yourself and putting effort into your own personal development and personal growth is admirable.

No entanto, a verdade é que nunca nos podemos tornar perfeitos, por mais que tentemos, por isso, por favor, paremos de esperar que sejamos os melhores em tudo o que fazemos.

In fact, there is no such thing as being perfect. You’re just a human being made of flesh and blood, just like any other person in this world.

Todos nós temos o nosso conjunto de defeitos e não vale a pena stressar com cada um deles.

Afinal de contas, o que é que significa ser perfeito? Será que tu ou qualquer outra pessoa neste mundo tem a mesma visão da perfeição? Aposto que não.

The thing is that you have to stop wasting your precious energy on trying to achieve something that is unattainable. Go easy on yourself and don’t try going on a wild goose chase.

Instead of focusing on poor choices, concentrate on all the things you have done well. Stop looking for your own flaws and start observing yourself as someone worthy of everyone’s admiration.

Auto-aceitação

When you’re trying to figure out how to start loving yourself or how to love yourself more, firstly, you have to accept your true self. Before anything else, begin with knowing who you really are.

What are the parts of you that you truly consider to be yours? What are the traits others imposed on you but you’ve actually never accepted? Who are you and who do you want to be? How do you see yourself?

És a pessoa que quiseste ser durante toda a tua vida? Mais importante ainda, que tipo de pessoa gostaria de ser se tudo dependesse de si?

Well, guess, what? It all really does depend on you. In fact, you’re the only person who needs to accept all of your qualities and flaws.

To practice self-love is about self-acceptance. It’s not denying any parts of your personality.

You know how you don’t laugh as loud as you would just because your partner doesn’t like it? How you stopped wearing that colorful shirt just because your family thought it wasn’t appropriate?

It’s about time to stop pretending to be someone you’re not. Dig deep inside of you and recordar a rapariga ou o rapaz que costumava ser. Ame as suas imperfeições da mesma forma que ama os seus lados bons. Sabe porquê?

Because they all form one amazing person—YOU.

Remember: you’re one of a kind. In a million years, there won’t be someone the same as you so what’s there not to love about this uniqueness?

Forget about society’s validation

Now that you’ve done the hard part, it’s time to stop comparing yourself to others as well. Guess what? You’ll never please everyone around you so you might just as well stop trying. This is one of the best recipes for an vida mais fácil. 

If your parents don’t see you as good enough, they’ll never appreciate you or see your worth, regardless of how much effort you put into trying to change their opinion.

On the other hand, you might be the best possible person to them but maybe your partner has some expectations you can’t seem to fulfill.

A conclusão é que, independentemente do que fizermos, haverá sempre alguém que nos dirá que devemos fazer as coisas de forma diferente.

The truth is that you can spend your entire life worrying about other people’s opinions but even then, you won’t change them and you won’t succeed in making everyone love you.

The first thing you have to do if you plan on forgetting about unrealistic society’s expectations is to get rid of all of your social media accounts.

Se isso for impossível, por favor, pelo menos, compreenda que quase tudo no Facebook e no Instagram é falso.

Don’t worry, I know exactly how you feel. You go on your news feed and you automatically get the impression that all your friends are better in this game called life.

If you’re of a certain age, you’re expected to have it all figured out. It seems that everyone has graduated, started a family, has a happy love life and so on. Everyone except you.

Toda a gente está a viajar, a ir ao ginásio, a perder peso e a viver a sua melhor vida. Todos menos você.

Naturalmente, quando nos comparamos com os outros, vemo-nos como o maior fracasso de sempre. Sabe porque é que isso acontece?

Because you keep limiting yourself by what is expected of you. You don’t go after your desires; you’re trying to fulfill society’s standards.

Who told you that there is a certain age by which you have to have a steady job? Who says that you have to get married? That’s right, nobody. So please, forget about this nonsense and live your life the way you want.

Afinal, o objetivo é fazer-se feliz a si próprio, não à sociedade.

Abraçar a gratidão

Knowing this, you’re probably wondering what the key to happiness is. Well, nobody can give you a concrete answer to this question but I can guarantee that gratitude is one of the most important ways to get there.

À primeira vista, pode pensar-se que as pessoas mais felizes têm tudo, mas posso dizer-lhe que a verdade é bem diferente. Pelo contrário, as pessoas mais felizes são apenas gratas por tudo o que têm.

After all, nobody has it all, therefore what you should do is embrace gratitude. I promise you that once you do, you’ll grow to love your own life more and eventually, you’ll start this self-love journey.

Most of the time, you’re focused on the bad things around you. Well, for a change, try and look at things from a different perspective.

Maybe you can’t save enough money to decorate your house but hey, at least you have a home, don’t you? Maybe you are not happy with your current career choice but you do have a job, don’t you?

Don’t misunderstand me, this is not me advising you to remain stuck in your comfort zone for the rest of your life.

I’m not telling you to ditch personal development, not to follow your dreams or to stop aspiring for greater things.

Instead, I’m just begging you to stop paying so much attention to the things you want to change and instead, be thankful for all of your blessings.

Be grateful that you’re alive and be grateful if you’re healthy. You’re surrounded by those who care for you and no matter what happens, tomorrow is always a new day.

Acredite, só isto é muito mais do que muitas pessoas podem sequer sonhar em ter.

Mudar a sua auto-perceção

Before getting the answers to your questions of how to start loving yourself and how to love yourself more, you have to get to the bottom of this question: Why don’t you love yourself in the first place? Lucky for you, I have the answer to this one too.

O problema central é que se tem em pouca conta. Pode recusar-se a admiti-lo, mas a verdade é muito evidente.

Obviously, you consider yourself unlovable. You are convinced that you’re not worthy of anyone’s love. Your inner voice is telling you that you’re not attractive, smart, intelligent or interesting enough for anyone to love you.

Podes negá-lo tanto quanto quiseres, mas sabes que é assim que te sentes em relação a ti próprio.

Bem, para mudar as suas emoções negativas, tem de mudar a sua auto-perceção. Tem de aumentar a sua autoestima e lembrar-se de que é realmente digno e valioso.

Easier said than done, I know. Wouldn’t it be perfect if you could snap your fingers and start seeing yourself in a different light, just like that?

However, this change requires time. It requires you to get out of the box you’ve put yourself in and to eventually start seeing all of your qualities.

Para começar, inicie um hábito fantástico: escrever um diário. Todas as noites, antes de ir dormir, escreva pelo menos cinco coisas que o tenham feito sentir-se orgulhoso de si próprio.

Write down five good things you’ve done that day or the right choices you’ve made. This doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, as any milestone will do the trick.

Por exemplo, pode registar que se levantou para ir trabalhar a horas, sem ter de apressar a sua rotina matinal ou que, para variar, almoçou de forma saudável.

Além disso, faça alguns elogios a si próprio e escreva-os também.

You can add some things such as the fact that you were calm enough not to respond to your co-worker’s nasty look, that you smelled great or that you were extra funny today.

The list is endless but I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.

At first, remembering five good things will be difficult. However, with time, you’ll even start to increase the number of compliments and the praise you give yourself.

Por isso, da próxima vez que sentir que gosta menos de si do que devia, comece a falar consigo próprio. Basta consultar o seu diário de amor-próprio, ler todas as coisas boas que fez durante esses dias e fazer alguns elogios a si próprio.

Assim, a sua autoimagem começará a mudar, sem que se aperceba. A sua auto-confiança vai subir em flecha e o amor-próprio vai aparecer.

Cortar o contacto com pessoas tóxicas

Para obter uma resposta à questão de como começar a amarmo-nos a nós próprios, temos de estar num ambiente de amor.

It’s impossible to care for yourself in a proper way if you’re surrounded by hatred, pessimism and negative thoughts and people.

Therefore, please cut off anyone who doesn’t mean you well.

Regardless of whether these toxic people are your family or friends you’ve known your whole life, if they don’t send you positivity, it’s time for them to go.

Basically, what I’m advising you is to get rid of everyone who doesn’t truly love you. You see, you’re going through a sensitive time right now. You’re easily subjected to other people’s opinions and impressions of you.

It’s actually pretty simple; if you surround yourself with people who think poorly of you, you’ll adopt their opinions.

If you surround yourself with those who keep you sending you the message that you’re not meant to be loved, you’ll start considering yourself not worthy of love.

On the other hand, if you’re constantly in the company of people who see all of your value, you’ll start believing it as well.

If you’re in the company of those who think highly of you, after a while, you’ll begin looking at yourself through their eyes as well.

Abraçar o autocuidado

I’m sure you’re a great friend, co-worker or sibling and an even better son or daughter.

You’re always full of understanding about everything your loved ones do, you put a lot of effort into making them happier and you do everything in your power to help them out when they need it.

That’s an amazing trait, I won’t argue against that. However, having all of this in mind, I can’t help but wonder: What exactly is stopping you from treating yourself the same way?

Why do you engage in that much self-criticism, self-loathing and self-doubt but you’re not like that where everyone else is concerned?

If you’re being honest, you’ll admit that you treat everyone else around you better than you treat yourself. Why is that so? Does that mean that you love all of them more than you love yourself?

Why not engage in a little experiment. Try imagining that you’re your own best friend.

What would you tell that friend, if they came to you and told you that they don’t love themselves? What would you tell them if they made a mistake?

Acusá-los-ia de serem um fracasso ou dar-lhes-ia a garantia de que precisam desesperadamente?
O que é que lhes diria se fossem a passar por uma rutura?

Would you rub salt into the wound by telling them that they’re good for nothing and that nobody else would ever love them?

Or would you tell them that they’re better off single and that they should be happy about getting rid of their toxic ex?

You don’t have to answer any of these questions because I already know which options you’d choose. So, why don’t you start telling yourself each one of these lines?

These double standards don’t end there. Let’s imagine that it’s your best friend’s birthday. I bet that you would do anything to get them the perfect gift.

Gastaríamos todo o dinheiro e tempo do mundo só para os ver felizes.

No entanto, nunca se trata da mesma maneira. Raramente faz algo para agradar a si próprio.
Well, it’s about time to change that. I’m begging you, start pampering yourself, the way you pamper others.

Ama o teu corpo

Let’s be real here; you can’t love your mind and emotions unless you love the physical part of yourself as well. Regardless of how you feel about it, your body is a part of you.

No, I’m not here to tell you to lose weight and to become a supermodel because that’s not a path to self-love. The truth is that you should try to get in shape but your health should be the number one reason to do so.

Instead, I’m here to beg you to start loving your body, to ask you to embrace all of your physical imperfections, the same way you should do with all the personality traits you don’t like.

You can undergo all the plastic surgery and aesthetic treatments in the world but if you don’t teach yourself to be happy in your own skin, you’ll keep finding new flaws nobody else even notices.

Your nose will always be too big, your mouth too small and your teeth never white enough. What I’m trying to say is that loving your body means accepting it instead of changing it.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do anything about the things that can easily be changed and that you don’t like about yourself.

For example, if you are really bothered about that extra fat you’ve got on your stomach, start exercising.

Nevertheless, before you do it, ask yourself: Am I the one who can’t stand seeing those extra pounds on me or do I want to get rid of them to be more likable to others?

Ser egoísta

Being egocentric is a negative trait. Everyone applauds those who are kind and emphatic. However, there is a thin line between being nice and being a fool and you’re on the verge of crossing it.

Don’t misunderstand me, I know that your loved ones are significant to you. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you should allow them to use you whenever or however they like.

Além disso, as suas necessidades e desejos nunca podem ser mais importantes do que os seus.

THEY can’t be more important than you to you. Instead, you have to ask how to love yourself first. No, this is not a toxic trait, it’s the way in which we should all behave.

You’re your own number one priority and everyone else comes second. Your mental health, energy and emotions are the things that have to concern you the most.

Please, stop feeling guilty for not being at everyone’s disposal 24/7. Don’t beat yourself up just because you don’t feel like going out with your BFF tonight or for choosing yourself over your siblings.

Remember this: All the relationships in your life can come and go. The heck with it, it’s even possible to break ties with your closest family members.

No entanto, a única relação a que nunca se pode escapar é a que se tem consigo próprio.

Apreciar essa relação não é nem de perto nem de longe egoísta. Cuidar de si próprio não é egoísmo. Mais importante ainda, amarmo-nos a nós próprios mais do que a qualquer outra pessoa não é certamente egoísta.

Deixar o controlo

When you’re trying to figure out how to start loving yourself, one of the things you simply must do is stop being a control freak. As much as you try, you simply can’t be in charge of everything.

Quer queiramos quer não, a verdade é que nem tudo pode estar nas nossas mãos. Não temos qualquer controlo sobre o comportamento das outras pessoas.

De facto, na maioria dos casos, também não temos controlo sobre as coisas que nos acontecem e não temos controlo sobre a nossa vida.

No entanto, é óbvio que tem dificuldade em aperceber-se disso. Na maioria das vezes, acabamos por nos odiar pela forma como os outros nos tratam e pelas coisas que estão fora do nosso controlo desde o primeiro dia.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you, you love yourself less because you think that you weren’t enough for them. When you get fired, you love yourself less because you think it was all your fault.

Well, the only thing you can control is your reactions to other people and events. You can’t choose whether you’ll get betrayed or left behind. Nevertheless, you can choose the way you observe that situation.

Will you put the blame on yourself and hate yourself for all that has happened? Or will you accept the situation the way it is and invest energy into healing yourself? It’s all up to you!

Para terminar:

Maybe the most significant step in this process is to take things slowly. You’ve figured out how to start loving yourself but that doesn’t mean that you should rush yourself into it.

Let’s be honest; how many years have you spent hating yourself? How much time has passed since you paid yourself a compliment?

Quantos anos passou a diminuir a sua autoestima e a ver-se como menos valioso do que realmente é?

I bet even you don’t know the number so do you really think it’s possible to annul this entire effect overnight?

I won’t lie to you, making a difference to your feelings is not a piece of cake. Therefore, don’t expect magical changes with the snap of a finger.

De facto, a pior coisa que pode fazer é esforçar-se demasiado e esperar uma transformação completa de imediato. Em vez de tentar fazer grandes diferenças, dê passos de bebé.

One change at a time is the way to go! Before you know it, you’ll be proud of yourself and of everything you achieved.

No entanto, a questão que se coloca é a seguinte: está verdadeiramente consciente do quão crucial é amarmo-nos a nós próprios?