Controllare le emozioni non significa evitarle

Do you feel like lately, everything’s pushed into either one of two opposite extremes? It feels like there’s no middle ground.

Che si tratti di una questione complessa come la politica o semplice come il make-up, bisogna sempre scegliere da che parte stare.

There’s always the ‘right’ side or the right way to do something and then there’s the ‘wrong’ side and way.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t leave a lot of room for actual conversation and debate, since everyone is holding on to predefined rules so tightly.

This ‘either black or white’ method of living and perceiving the world around us has found its way into how we deal with our emotional life as well.

We feel pressured to either control ourself and always push ourself to the limit and ‘be the best version of ourself’ or to be spontaneous, show emotions and agree that we’re ‘enough as we are’.

È possibile avere entrambi

The truth is, you’re already the best version of yourself because every person is doing their best even in the moment when they’re thinking it’s ‘not enough’.

Even when you’re hurt and crying, even when you give in to self-destructive habits, you’re doing the best you can at that given movement and therefore, it’s enough.

I remember when my friend cheated on her then-boyfriend whom she wasn’t happy with.

Si è sentita in colpa per averla tradita, ma allo stesso tempo, e solo dopo aver lasciato che i suoi bisogni fossero soddisfatti altrove, ha anche finalmente capito che la sua relazione non era sufficiente per lei.

Now, I don’t endorse cheating as a way to fix your problems; in fact, I want to point out that there’s no need to complicate your life in such a way when you can let your needs be met in a much healthier way.

E come si fa?

By listening to yourself. By letting yourself feel things… no matter how irrational you think it is… and then observing those emotions as if they were someone else’s.

To get in control of your emotions, you’ll first need to know what triggers them and that won’t happen if you keep on avoiding them.

I can guarantee you that after a real and honest venting, either on your own or to someone you trust, you’ll have a clearer view of the situation that upset you.

Lasciarsi andare alle emozioni, invece di ignorarle e nasconderle sotto il tappeto, vi aiuterà a essere in pace con voi stessi.

Ogni volta che decidiamo di avere compassione per noi stessi e di concederci del tempo, le nostre emozioni diventano meno intense.

Control isn’t about restriction, it’s about knowing what’s good for you and then having the discipline to practice whatever that is.

It’s not about punishing but self-compassion

If you’ve been hurt, I know your goal is not to be hurt again.

That doesn’t mean you need to shut off your emotions. It means you need to understand them, find the root of the feelings that bring you pain and replant them into better soil.

Questo richiede una grande riflessione su se stessi e qualche pillola difficile da ingoiare. Ogni volta che decidete di essere realisti su qualcosa di importante di voi stessi, aspettatevi che i vostri meccanismi di difesa impazziscano.

In other words, don’t let yourself deceive yourself. Questo significa anche smettere di incolpare gli altri per le proprie mancanze.

Quasi tutte le nostre relazioni sono comunque il riflesso di noi stessi, quindi prima di incolpare un'altra persona per avervi fatto sentire in un certo modo, pensate al motivo per cui glielo avete permesso.

No one can give you what you really need but yourself so why won’t you stop avoiding your emotions and greet them instead?

You’ll never stop being you, so let yourself be your friend.