Uma carta aberta da rapariga que decidiu seguir em frente

So, yet another letter from an abandoned girl. But I promise you, this time it’s not a sad letter. In this letter, I won’t curse fate or my destiny or even my bad luck with men. I won’t cry my heart out.

This is a different kind of letter and it’s a different story.

A história é a seguinte:

Apaixonei-me por um tipo.

I didn’t just fall for him, I was made to believe that it was mutual. There were clear and sinais óbvios de atração.

As faíscas que estavam a acontecer entre nós eram impossíveis de perder ou de fingir. Demos um passo de cada vez e nada parecia ter sido feito à pressa.

Ele fez-me acreditar que íamos a algum lado.

Never for a moment did I feel like we were stuck. Our random texting was replaced with long, deep conversations and then it all moved to late-night talks about literally everything. From just casual going out to going out together, it was only the two of us running away from everyone just so we’d have time for ourselves.

Cada passo que dávamos, cada momento que passávamos juntos, cada toque que sentíamos, tudo era uma promessa silenciosa de que algo melhor, maior e mais sério estava a vir na nossa direção.

Estava pronto para o passo seguinte.

Tudo o que passámos fez-me sentir preparada e segura do nosso futuro juntos. Sinais ele quer algo sério estavam escritos por todo o lado.

And honestly, I wanted it too. I thought it was finally time I stopped wandering around and committed myself to a single person. It felt cozy with him, it felt good. I could picture us together in life, holding each other’s hands as we fought all the battles destiny threw at us.

While I couldn’t have been more sure about us, he couldn’t have been more scared.

Honestly, I don’t know if it was fear of commitment or just his decision to keep his options open.

After all that we shared together, he told me how he wasn’t really ready for anything serious. He wasn’t looking for anything that he could sink his teeth into.

He wasn’t interested in anything that would demand a lot of time, effort and communication from him. He didn’t really want to be in a relationship, including with me.

O que mais me doeu foi o facto de eu querer todas essas coisas dele. Eu queria algo sério.

I was interested in giving him my time and efforts and devoting myself to our relationship. I really wanted us to be in a place to which he said a firm ‘no’ and that’s what hurt me the most.

When he said he wasn’t interested in moving on I was caught off guard. I didn’t see that coming. There were no telltale signs, there was nothing to give me a hint of this outcome. Actually, everything I saw was directing me toward something completely opposite.

I guess I was wrong. I was so easily deceived and I let my assumptions get the best of me. The worst part is, I’d still do everything the same if I could turn back time. I can’t help it.

Honestly, I don’t like how things ended and I do wish for something different but I’m going to have to respect his decision.

Esperei tanto e acreditei tanto em nós que acabei por receber apenas um ombro frio em vez do amor que pensava merecer. Fiquei tão presa aos meus sentimentos que nunca pensei que houvesse a possibilidade de um resultado diferente.

Enquanto eu dei um salto de fé para nos tornarmos oficiais, ele acobardou-se. Enquanto eu estava pronta para zarpar o nosso navio, ele preferiu ficar no porto.

E o que mais me impressiona é a sensação de que tudo o que tínhamos vivido antes tinha sido em vão. Os momentos que eu via como dos mais felizes que vivi na minha vida revelaram-se mentiras. Ele tinha sido apenas a enganar-me.

Não faço ideia porque é que ele nos fez passar por tudo aquilo só para me tirar isso. Só para me desfazer de tudo e dizer-me que nada daquilo era real.

Be that as it may, I decided I’m going to move on.

I don’t want to force things. I don’t want a relationship I’ll have to beg for. I don’t want a guy if I have to beg him to choose me. And I don’t want to stay undefined either. It’s way more humiliating than I can take. And it’s more painful than moving on.

I’m choosing to love everything we should’ve been, but I’m also accepting that it won’t happen.

I’m a grown-up girl and despite the pain I’m feeling, I won’t allow it to get the best of me. Despite my desires, I know that we don’t always get the things in life that we want and that’s okay.

I’m ready to accept that life won’t give me the person I want the most. I’m accepting that we’re only going to stay an unlived dream, an opportunity that never came to see the light of day.

I’m choosing to keep in my mind all our memories but I’m accepting that there won’t be any new ones.

In other words, I’m choosing to leave us in the past. But I’m choosing to look back at the past and be grateful for all the happy moments we shared instead of looking at it with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Sometimes, the things that could’ve been and should’ve been don’t really happen.

That’s when you need to choose to search for your own happiness and find love in some other place and accept that sometimes we all sail into our lives having to leave some people behind in the harbor and choose to move on.