Uma carta de uma rapariga forte para o seu pai merdoso

Olá, tu,

This time, I won’t call you Dad. I won’t call you Father either.

Not because I don’t want to but because you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve that a girl who looked up to you and admired you got her heart broken by you.

I won’t even try to tell you what your mistakes were but I will just let all this pain out of me. The pain that was inside of me for a long time needs to come out.

Because if it doesn’t come out, I swear I will explode.

Preciso de me livrar desta mágoa que tenho guardado durante tantos anos, na esperança de que as coisas mudem. Preciso de compreender finalmente que nunca foste o pai que eu merecia.

You shouldn’t be called that because a father figure is so important to his child’s life but you weren’t there for me in any situation.

You only got rid of me when I needed you the most. You gave up on me because fixing me and helping me was too long a process and you didn’t want to waste your time on me.

While I am writing these lines, I can’t believe that a father could think that he would be wasting his time if he helped his daughter. But that is what I got from you. I never felt loved by you.

Nunca pude ver a felicidade nos teus olhos quando estavas comigo.

Todas as conversas que tivemos foram muito incómodas para ambos.

It was bad for you because you didn’t want to spend time with me and for me, it was bad because I saw in your eyes that you didn’t want me too close and all I wanted was to see you walking through the door.

I learned to live on my own while I was still pretty young and deep down I knew that things wouldn’t change for the better.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t hope that you would become the father of my dreams but frankly speaking, those dreams only helped me to get through some days.

You know, for so long, I blamed myself for the lack of your love. I thought that I was a girl who didn’t accomplish anything and that you were ashamed of me.

I thought that all the things I did weren’t good enough for you and that I needed to work harder. For so long, I thought I was the guilty one.

E sabes qual foi a pior parte?

You watched me break down so many times and you didn’t even try to comfort me. You didn’t even try to tell me a white lie that would make me feel better.

You weren’t man enough to hold your hands up to the things you did. You hid like a coward behind your mistakes, thinking they were your biggest accomplishments.

Falhaste redondamente no teu papel mais importante, a de um pai . And that is something you can’t change now.

When I realized that I didn’t have a dad I could count on, I learned to stand up for myself.

E enquanto todas as outras raparigas falavam orgulhosamente dos seus pais, eu ficava calada enquanto as lágrimas me corriam pelas faces. Estava tão zangada contigo por não estares lá para mim.

And that hasn’t changed. I still think you are a piece of a shit who couldn’t be there for the only person who truly needed you.

I still think that you don’t deserve anyone to call you Dad or to act nicely toward you.

I think that you got this role by accident and that it simply doesn’t belong to you. Because only a coward leaves his daughter unprotected.

Só um cobarde desiste da sua própria carne e sangue. Só um cobarde destrói a vida de pessoas inocentes só para se sentir melhor.

And that is what you did to me. Because of you, I learned that I shouldn’t bring guys into my life so easily.

Because of the horror I went through with you, I learned that a guy won’t make me feel better and only I can do it for myself.

I learned that I can’t trust strangers and that I shouldn’t give chances so easily.

Aprendi a cuidar de mim própria sem a ajuda das pessoas à minha volta. Aprendi a ser independente e forte e a nunca desistir dos meus sonhos.

De uma rapariga pequena e assustada, transformei-me numa fera que escondia as suas emoções debaixo do tapete.

Because of you, I built walls around me so high that even the bravest people couldn’t reach me. And in trying to shut down my emotions to prevent people from hurting me, I lost all of them.

Tornei-me uma pessoa sem emoções, incapaz de sorrir com todas as pequenas coisas que antes me faziam rir tanto.

Através desta vida contigo. Aprendi que só posso contar comigo e que ninguém vai resolver os meus problemas e só eu o posso fazer por mim.

Infelizmente, aprendi a defender-me porque nunca tive um pai que o fizesse em vez de mim.

E por causa de todas as coisas más por que passei na minha vida sem uma figura paterna, tornei-me tão forte.

I transformed into a woman who isn’t afraid of anything and who will chase her dreams no matter how long it will take.

Por causa da falta de amor da vossa parte, Finalmente coloquei-me em primeiro lugar dando-me tudo o que eu merecia de ti. Mas, dessa forma, recebi o que mereci durante toda a minha vida.

Now, after so much time spent thinking about you and about our lives, I don’t feel bad anymore.

Sei que tentei fazer com que as coisas funcionassem, mas também sei que desististe de mim como se eu não fosse nada.

E por causa disso, agora sou mais forte.

Por isso, se alguma vez lerem esta carta, se alguma vez encontrarem tempo para a abrir e lerem o que esteve no meu coração durante tanto tempo, quero que prestem atenção ao que estou a dizer agora:

Mesmo que fosse um pai de merda para mim, consegui transformar-me numa pessoa de que todos os pais se orgulhariam.

E isso não é graças a ti, mas graças a mim e à minha forte vontade de ser bem sucedido. Ao perder-te e ver-te deixar-me, sem sequer olhar para trás, jurei a mim mesmo que seria bem sucedido e que nunca mais pediria a tua ajuda.

Ao perder-te, encontrei finalmente a peça que faltava no puzzle para ser finalmente feliz. Encontrei-me a mim próprio!