Vou deixar-te (E nunca olharei para trás)

This time I won’t just stop at my words. Desta vez, vou deixar-vos para sempre. Sem lágrimas no rosto, sem remorsos e sem sentir que estou a perder algo importante.  Vou deixar-vos porque já estou farto de ti.

I don’t want to be treated like this because this kind of treatment is not something that I deserve. I don’t deserve to be gaslighted, belittled and called names.

I don’t deserve seeing another woman’s arms around your neck while I am sitting next to you.

But of course, you don’t know that. You can’t see that you are hurting me with your actions and your words. And to be honest, I don’t know why I am still with you.

I don’t know why I am putting up with your crap. Deep down I know that you will never change but I still stay with you. For some reason, I don’t know how to walk away from you.

Maybe it is because I got used to you because I don’t know anything better than your amor tóxico ou talvez porque me convenceste de que estou quebrada e que ninguém me amará como tu. Bem, se tiver a oportunidade de escolher, prefiro ficar sozinha a passar a minha vida contigo.

Because truth to be told, you really don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve my kisses and hugs, my worrying if you are okay when you are late nor my respect and support.

I won’t let you make me stay every time you feel like I am slipping away. I won’t listen to your compliments and your sweet words anymore.

Não são algo que realmente queres dizer, mas algo que usas como uma arma para me fazeres ficar. Eu sei que fui uma tola por ter ficado contigo durante tanto tempo, mas finalmente decidi que te vou deixar e fazer o meu próprio caminho.

I know that life prepared so many nice surprises for me and I won’t just sit here and watch my life passing by.

Vou defender-me. Vou começar a fazer coisas que me fazem feliz e esquecer as que te fazem feliz.

Vou finalmente livrar-me das tuas mãos tóxicas à volta da minha cintura sempre que tentas reconquistar-me.

I won’t tolerate belittling, iluminação artificial, chamar pelo nome and abusing. I don’t want to pretend that I am happy with you when we are in public but going through living hell behind closed doors.

That is not life; this is agony and I don’t want to do it anymore. You are not worthy of me and you are definitely not worthy of my love as well.

Agora, depois de tantos anos de abuso emocional e físico, estou pronto para seguir em frente. Estou pronto para encontrar o meu caminho, longe de ti. O meu coração é puro e sei que fiz tudo o que estava ao meu alcance para salvar o que tínhamos.

But I can’t be the only one trying. If you want to be with me, you also need to make some effort, too. Because it takes two to tango and it looks like I am the only one trying to make this work.

Por isso, estou a deixar-te. Estou a afastar-me porque a minha voz nunca foi ouvida nesta relação. Sempre que quis falar contigo, deste-me o tratamento do silêncio.

Every time I wanted to spend time with you, you chose your friends over me, telling me that I wasn’t interesting to you at all.

Every time I reached out my hands to hug you, you escaped like you don’t feel anything for me anymore. E isso magoa. Dói mesmo.

So, when I get enough courage and leave you, don’t try to seek me anymore. Even if you find me and tell me that you will change, admitting that you were a fool for letting me go, I will just smile to your face and leave you in wonder.

And in that moment, you will get to know the real me. Because truth to be told, you didn’t actually know me all these years that I spent with you.

You didn’t know what I am capable of doing. Too bad that you will find out about that in the worst possible way.

Quando eu te deixar, todo o teu mundo se desmoronará. You won’t be able to listen to my voice in the early morning asking you if you want some coffee.

You won’t be able to sleep next to me and hug me in your dreams. You won’t be able to make love with me, crying on my shoulder when everyone leaves you nor enjoying my company.

Quando eu me for embora, vais finalmente ver que perdeste a rapariga que realmente queria ser tua. Apercebi-me que fiz parte de uma história errada o tempo todo e decidi ir embora.

E a única vez que olharei para trás será para ver até onde cheguei.