Te Dejaré (Y Nunca Miraré Atrás)

This time I won’t just stop at my words. Esta vez te dejaré para siempre. Sin lágrimas corriendo por mi cara, sin remordimientos y sin sentir que estoy perdiendo algo importante.  Te dejaré porque ya he tenido suficiente de ti.

I don’t want to be treated like this because this kind of treatment is not something that I deserve. I don’t deserve to be gaslighted, belittled and called names.

I don’t deserve seeing another woman’s arms around your neck while I am sitting next to you.

But of course, you don’t know that. You can’t see that you are hurting me with your actions and your words. And to be honest, I don’t know why I am still with you.

I don’t know why I am putting up with your crap. Deep down I know that you will never change but I still stay with you. For some reason, I don’t know how to walk away from you.

Maybe it is because I got used to you because I don’t know anything better than your amor tóxico o tal vez porque me convenciste de que estoy rota y que nadie me amará como tú. Bueno, si tengo la oportunidad de elegir, prefiero quedarme sola que pasar mi vida contigo.

Because truth to be told, you really don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve my kisses and hugs, my worrying if you are okay when you are late nor my respect and support.

I won’t let you make me stay every time you feel like I am slipping away. I won’t listen to your compliments and your sweet words anymore.

No son algo que realmente quieras decir, sino algo que utilizas como arma para que me quede. Sé que fui una tonta por quedarme contigo tanto tiempo, pero finalmente decidí que te dejaré y seguiré mi propio camino.

I know that life prepared so many nice surprises for me and I won’t just sit here and watch my life passing by.

Me defenderé. Empezaré a hacer cosas que me hagan feliz y me olvidaré de las que te hacen feliz a ti.

Por fin me libraré de tus tóxicas manos alrededor de mi cintura cada vez que intentas reconquistarme.

I won’t tolerate belittling, luz de gas, llamar por el nombre and abusing. I don’t want to pretend that I am happy with you when we are in public but going through living hell behind closed doors.

That is not life; this is agony and I don’t want to do it anymore. You are not worthy of me and you are definitely not worthy of my love as well.

Ahora, después de tantos años de abuso emocional y físico, estoy lista para seguir adelante. Estoy listo para encontrar mi camino, lejos de ti. Mi corazón es puro y sé que hice todo lo que estaba en mi mano para salvar lo que teníamos.

But I can’t be the only one trying. If you want to be with me, you also need to make some effort, too. Because it takes two to tango and it looks like I am the only one trying to make this work.

Así que te dejo. Me voy porque mi voz nunca ha sido escuchada en esta relación. Cada vez que quería hablar contigo, me dabas el tratamiento del silencio.

Every time I wanted to spend time with you, you chose your friends over me, telling me that I wasn’t interesting to you at all.

Every time I reached out my hands to hug you, you escaped like you don’t feel anything for me anymore. Y eso duele. Realmente duele.

So, when I get enough courage and leave you, don’t try to seek me anymore. Even if you find me and tell me that you will change, admitting that you were a fool for letting me go, I will just smile to your face and leave you in wonder.

And in that moment, you will get to know the real me. Because truth to be told, you didn’t actually know me all these years that I spent with you.

You didn’t know what I am capable of doing. Too bad that you will find out about that in the worst possible way.

Cuando te deje, todo tu mundo se vendrá abajo. You won’t be able to listen to my voice in the early morning asking you if you want some coffee.

You won’t be able to sleep next to me and hug me in your dreams. You won’t be able to make love with me, crying on my shoulder when everyone leaves you nor enjoying my company.

Cuando me vaya, por fin verás que perdiste a la chica que realmente quería ser tuya. Acabo de darme cuenta de que fui parte de una historia equivocada todo el tiempo y decidí irme.

Y la única vez que miraré atrás será para ver lo lejos que he llegado.