Gaslighting isn’t always a calculated, malicious act. Sometimes, it happens unintentionally—in moments of frustration, in the way we dismiss someone’s feelings, or when we rewrite events to protect our own ego. You don’t have to be a manipulator to gaslight someone.
You just have to minimize their emotions, make them doubt their experiences, or shift blame in subtle ways. Most people associate gaslighting with relações tóxicas, but it can show up in friendships, families, workplaces—even casual conversations.
If you’ve ever told someone they were “overreacting” or insisted, “That’s not how it happened,” you might have (unknowingly) engaged in gaslighting. The good news? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle. Here are 26 ways you could be gaslighting someone—without even realizing it.
1. Dismissing Emotions as ‘Overreactions’
Telling someone they’re overreacting can invalidate their feelings and experiences. This subtle form of gaslighting often arises from not understanding or agreeing with someone’s emotional response. Instead of minimizing their emotions, it’s crucial to listen and empathize, recognizing that everyone experiences situations differently. This validation fosters trust and open communication, essential elements of any relationship.
When you label emotions as exaggerated, you unintentionally suggest that the person’s response is inappropriate or unwarranted. This can lead to self-doubt and confusion, making them question their own perceptions. Reflect on your language and approach discussions with curiosity instead of judgment, allowing space for different emotional expressions.
Consider how these interactions impact the other person. By acknowledging their feelings, you reinforce their reality and show respect for their perspective. This not only helps in resolving conflicts but also strengthens the emotional bond between individuals, creating a supportive environment.
2. Downplaying Achievements
Acknowledging achievements is vital for self-esteem and motivation. When someone shares their success and it’s met with indifference or minimization, it can feel invalidating. This behavior can stem from jealousy or a lack of understanding of the effort involved. Instead of downplaying, celebrate and encourage continued growth.
By dismissing accomplishments, you might unintentionally convey that their effort was trivial or expected, which can diminish their sense of pride and achievement. This is particularly damaging in professional environments where recognition can directly impact morale and productivity. Make it a point to genuinely acknowledge successes, no matter how small they may seem.
Understanding the importance of validation helps nurture an environment where everyone feels valued and appreciated. Encourage sharing of achievements and provide constructive feedback that inspires further development. This approach not only boosts confidence but also fosters a culture of mutual respect and support.
3. Invalidating Personal Preferences
Personal preferences, whether related to food, music, or activities, are integral to individual identity. When these choices are ridiculed or dismissed, it can feel like an attack on personal authenticity. This form of gaslighting often comes from a place of misunderstanding or differing tastes.
Rather than mocking, show respect and allow space for diverse preferences. Mocking or belittling someone’s choices sends a message that their likes are unworthy or inferior. This can cause the individual to question their own tastes and preferences, which are important aspects of who they are. Strive to appreciate and learn from the diversity of tastes that others bring into your life.
Encouraging acceptance of different preferences promotes a richer, more inclusive environment. By embracing diversity, you contribute to a culture where individuals feel free to express themselves. This not only enhances interpersonal relationships but also broadens horizons and enriches experiences.
4. Questioning Someone’s Memory
Memory can be fallible, but repeatedly questioning someone’s recollection can erode trust and create self-doubt. This subtle gaslighting tactic implies that their memory is unreliable, which can be incredibly frustrating. Instead, consider collaborating to reconstruct events, respecting their perspective while seeking clarity.
When you challenge someone’s memory without cause, it can make them second-guess themselves and their understanding of events. This behavior not only impacts the individual’s confidence but also strains the relationship. Approach such situations with an open mind, considering the possibility of differing perceptions.
By validating others’ memories and working together to piece together different perspectives, you foster a more respectful and collaborative environment. This approach helps in resolving misunderstandings and ensures that everyone feels heard and valued, strengthening both personal and professional relationships.
5. Assuming Intentions
Assumptions about intentions can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. When you presume to know why someone acted a certain way without asking, you risk misjudging their motives. This subtle gaslighting can create unnecessary tension and mistrust. Instead, engage in open conversations to understand their true intentions.
By assuming intentions, you deny the other person the chance to explain themselves, which can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication. This behavior often stems from projecting your own biases or past experiences onto the situation. Reflect on these assumptions and seek to clarify through dialogue.
Engaging in honest discussions about intentions not only resolves conflicts but also builds deeper connections. By giving others the benefit of the doubt and actively listening, you strengthen mutual trust and respect. This approach encourages a more empathetic and understanding environment.
6. Ignoring Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, yet they are often overlooked or dismissed. Ignoring someone’s boundaries can feel dismissive and disrespectful, indicating a lack of consideration for their comfort and needs. This subtle form of gaslighting can lead to feelings of violation and mistrust.
When you disregard boundaries, you communicate that the other person’s limits are unimportant. This behavior can stem from a lack of awareness or understanding of why those boundaries exist. It’s crucial to engage in conversations about personal limits and respect them, even if they differ from your own.
Respecting boundaries fosters trust and ensures that everyone feels safe and valued in the relationship. By actively acknowledging and adhering to these limits, you cultivate an environment of mutual respect and understanding, which is fundamental for any healthy interaction.
7. Using Sarcasm Excessively
Sarcasm, while often used humorously, can be harmful if overused, especially in sensitive situations. When someone is trying to communicate seriously and it’s met with sarcasm, it can feel dismissive and belittling. This form of gaslighting undermines the sincerity of the conversation and can hinder genuine communication.
Excessive sarcasm can create an environment where the other person feels their emotions and words are not taken seriously. This can lead to misunderstandings and damage trust, as it blurs the line between joking and truth. Consider the context and sensitivity of the situation before resorting to sarcasm.
Balancing humor with sincerity is essential for healthy communication. By recognizing when sarcasm is inappropriate, you promote a more respectful and understanding dialogue. This approach not only enhances communication but also strengthens relationships by ensuring that everyone feels heard and respected.
8. Changing the Subject
Shifting conversations can be a subtle yet impactful way of diverting attention from important topics. When someone brings up a significant issue and it’s met with a change of subject, it can feel dismissive and invalidating. This behavior often arises from discomfort or avoidance of difficult conversations.
Changing the subject can signal to the other person that their concerns are unimportant, causing frustration and a sense of neglect. This subtle gaslighting tactic denies the individual the opportunity to express themselves fully and resolve issues. Acknowledge the topic at hand and engage with it genuinely to foster understanding.
Addressing topics directly, even when uncomfortable, is crucial for building trust and resolving conflicts. By staying present in the conversation and validating the other person’s concerns, you contribute to a more open and honest communication environment. This not only strengthens relationships but also encourages mutual respect and empathy.
9. Criticizing Interests
Passions and interests are core components of identity, and when they are criticized, it can feel like a personal attack. Criticizing someone’s interests, even in jest, is a subtle form of gaslighting that can make them question their value and self-worth. Instead, show support and curiosity about their hobbies and passions.
When you demean someone’s interests, you send a message that their choices are inferior or laughable, which can damage their confidence and self-esteem. This behavior often reflects a lack of understanding or appreciation for different perspectives. Challenge yourself to appreciate the diversity of interests and encourage others to pursue their passions.
Supporting others in their interests fosters a more inclusive and enriching environment. By showing genuine curiosity and encouragement, you validate their choices and contribute to a culture of acceptance and positivity. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also promotes personal growth and mutual respect.
10. Using Passive-Aggressive Comments
Passive-aggressive comments can be a subtle form of manipulation, often leaving the recipient confused and upset. These remarks are indirect expressions of hostility or disapproval, masked as humor or sarcasm. This behavior undermines open communication and can erode trust in relationships.
When you use passive-aggressive language, you avoid addressing issues directly, which can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts. This form of gaslighting can make the other person feel guilty or unsure about their actions, even if they haven’t done anything wrong. Strive to communicate openly and honestly, addressing issues head-on.
Direct and clear communication is key to healthy relationships. By avoiding passive-aggressiveness and choosing to discuss matters straightforwardly, you foster an environment of trust and accountability. This not only helps in resolving conflicts but also strengthens the bond between individuals by promoting transparency and understanding.
11. Making Jokes at Someone’s Expense
Humor is a wonderful way to bond, but it becomes harmful when used to belittle someone. Joking at someone’s expense, even if perceived as harmless, can be a form of gaslighting that undermines their self-esteem. Instead of targeting individuals, find ways to share laughter that uplift everyone involved.
When jokes are made at someone’s expense, it suggests that their feelings are secondary to the humor of the situation. This behavior can lead to feelings of embarrassment or shame, particularly if it occurs in a public setting. Recognize the impact of your words and adjust your humor to be inclusive rather than exclusive.
Creating a positive atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable requires mindful humor. By ensuring jokes are not harmful, you contribute to a supportive and respectful environment. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also fosters a sense of belonging and mutual respect among individuals.
12. Mocking Someone’s Appearance
Appearance is often tied closely to identity, and mocking it can be profoundly damaging. This form of gaslighting makes people question their self-worth and can lead to long-lasting emotional scars. Instead of mocking, practice empathy and appreciation for diversity in appearances.
When you make fun of someone’s appearance, you reinforce negative stereotypes and contribute to a culture of body shaming. This behavior can severely impact an individual’s self-esteem and confidence. Reflect on your words and strive to create an environment that celebrates diversity in all forms.
Promoting a culture of acceptance and kindness starts with how we talk about and perceive others. By embracing and appreciating differences, you help cultivate a supportive and inclusive community. This approach not only strengthens interpersonal relationships but also encourages self-expression and confidence among individuals.
13. Playing the Victim
Portraying oneself as the victim in conflicts can be a manipulative tactic that shifts blame and responsibility. This subtle form of gaslighting can make the other person feel guilty or responsible for issues they didn’t cause. Instead, recognize your role in conflicts and approach them with a willingness to resolve.
Playing the victim often involves exaggerating faults or misrepresenting situations to gain sympathy or avoid accountability. This behavior not only deflects from the real issues but also strains relationships by creating a cycle of unresolved conflicts. Strive to acknowledge your actions and engage in constructive problem-solving.
Approaching conflicts with honesty and accountability promotes healthier and more balanced interactions. By recognizing your contribution to issues and showing a genuine interest in resolution, you foster an environment of mutual respect and understanding. This not only resolves conflicts more effectively but also strengthens the overall relationship.
14. Denying Access to Information
Withholding information is a subtle yet powerful form of manipulation that can create power imbalances. By denying someone access to information, you control the narrative and can influence decisions unfairly. This behavior undermines trust and transparency, essential components of any healthy relationship.
When you restrict access to information, you limit the other person’s ability to make informed decisions, which can lead to frustration and a feeling of helplessness. This form of gaslighting can damage professional and personal relationships alike. Commit to open and honest communication, sharing relevant information freely.
Fostering transparency and openness ensures that everyone feels valued and informed. By providing access to necessary information, you empower others and promote a culture of trust and collaboration. This approach not only enhances relationships but also contributes to a more inclusive and equitable environment.
15. Belittling Concerns
Concerns, no matter how minor they may seem, are important to the person expressing them. Belittling these concerns can be a form of gaslighting that makes the individual feel unheard and unimportant. Instead, practice active listening and show empathy towards their worries.
When you trivialize someone’s concerns, you send a message that their feelings are invalid or insignificant. This behavior can lead to frustration and a breakdown in communication, as the individual may feel discouraged from sharing in the future. Recognize the impact of your words and strive to validate their emotions.
Empathy and understanding are crucial for healthy relationships. By actively listening and acknowledging concerns, you create a supportive environment where everyone feels heard and respected. This approach not only resolves conflicts more effectively but also strengthens the emotional bond between individuals.
16. Invalidating Experiences
Experiences shape who we are, and invalidating them can feel like a personal attack. This subtle form of gaslighting disregards the importance of the individual’s journey and can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, show respect and interest in their experiences, valuing their unique perspective.
Dismissing someone’s experiences suggests that their life stories are unworthy of attention or recognition, which can be deeply hurtful. This behavior often stems from a lack of understanding or appreciation for different backgrounds and journeys. Challenge yourself to listen and learn from others’ experiences, enriching your own perspective.
Valuing diverse experiences fosters a culture of acceptance and growth. By showing genuine interest and appreciation, you contribute to a supportive and inclusive environment. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also encourages sharing and learning from each other’s unique journeys.
17. Imposing Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations can create stress and a sense of inadequacy, subtly gaslighting an individual into believing they’re not good enough. This behavior often arises from a misunderstanding of the person’s capabilities or the situation’s demands. Instead, set attainable goals and provide support to achieve them.
Imposing unrealistic expectations can lead to burnout and frustration, as the individual feels pressured to meet impossible standards. This can damage self-esteem and motivation, particularly in professional settings. Understand the limitations and challenges faced by others, and adapt expectations accordingly.
Supporting realistic and achievable goals fosters a more positive and productive environment. By recognizing and addressing the capabilities of individuals, you promote a culture of growth and encouragement. This approach not only improves performance but also strengthens the overall morale and cohesion of the team.
18. Making Others Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary practice, but making someone feel guilty for doing so can be a subtle form of gaslighting. This behavior undermines the importance of personal limits and can make the individual question their right to self-care. Instead, respect and support the boundaries set by others.
When you react negatively to someone’s boundaries, you communicate that their needs are secondary to your own desires. This can create a dynamic where the individual feels pressured to compromise their comfort for the sake of the relationship. Reflect on these reactions and strive to understand the importance of respecting boundaries.
Embracing and supporting boundaries cultivates healthier and more balanced relationships. By acknowledging and respecting personal limits, you contribute to an environment of mutual respect and understanding. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also promotes individual well-being and self-care.
19. Using Silence as Punishment
Silence can be a powerful form of communication, but when used as punishment, it becomes a tool of manipulation. This subtle form of gaslighting can leave the other person feeling isolated and anxious. Instead of resorting to silence, engage in open dialogue to resolve issues constructively.
Using silence as a weapon creates an environment of uncertainty and tension, where the individual is left guessing about the issue and its resolution. This behavior can damage trust and hinder communication, perpetuating a cycle of unresolved conflicts. Commit to addressing conflicts openly and directly.
Engaging in constructive discussions promotes healthier and more transparent relationships. By choosing dialogue over silence, you foster an environment of understanding and resolution. This approach not only helps resolve conflicts more effectively but also strengthens the bond between individuals, ensuring that everyone feels heard and valued.
20. Gaslighting the Gaslighter
Accusing someone of gaslighting, especially when they’re not, can itself be a form of manipulation. This tactic shifts the focus and frames the accused as the problem, even if they’re not guilty. This subtle and ironic form of gaslighting can leave the person feeling bewildered and unjustly blamed.
When you wrongly accuse someone of gaslighting, you not only deflect from your own behavior but also undermine genuine discussions about the issue. This can create a toxic dynamic where the real issues remain unaddressed. Reflect on your actions and focus on open and honest communication.
Addressing issues without wrongful accusations fosters a healthier and more trusting relationship. By ensuring that discussions are based on facts and mutual understanding, you promote an environment of respect and resolution. This approach not only resolves conflicts but also strengthens the overall relationship by building trust and accountability.
21. Using Cliches to Dismiss Concerns
Clichés can be comforting, but when used to dismiss concerns, they can invalidate someone’s feelings. This subtle form of gaslighting suggests that the person’s worries are unworthy of deeper consideration. Instead, engage with their concerns sincerely and provide thoughtful responses.
Using clichés to dismiss concerns can make the individual feel ignored and unimportant, as if their issues don’t merit genuine attention. This behavior often stems from discomfort with addressing deeper emotions or conflicts. Challenge yourself to listen actively and respond with empathy and understanding.
Providing thoughtful and sincere responses to concerns fosters a culture of openness and respect. By avoiding clichés and engaging with sincerity, you contribute to a more supportive and constructive environment. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also encourages meaningful dialogue and mutual growth.
22. Trivializing Trauma
Trauma is deeply personal and impactful, and trivializing it can have profound effects on an individual’s healing process. This subtle form of gaslighting dismisses the severity of the experience and can prevent the person from seeking necessary support. Instead, approach discussions about trauma with sensitivity and empathy.
When you trivialize trauma, you communicate that the individual’s experiences and feelings are unimportant or exaggerated. This behavior can hinder their recovery process and damage the trust in your relationship. Acknowledge the gravity of their experiences and offer support and understanding.
Creating a supportive environment for discussing trauma is essential for healing and growth. By approaching these discussions with care and empathy, you contribute to a culture of understanding and support. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also aids in the healing process by validating and acknowledging the individual’s experiences.
23. Invalidating Pain
Physical pain, like emotional pain, is subjective and real to the person experiencing it. Dismissing or minimizing it can be a form of gaslighting that invalidates their suffering. Instead, show empathy and offer support to those expressing discomfort or pain.
When you dismiss someone’s pain, you suggest that their experience is exaggerated or imagined, which can lead to feelings of frustration and isolation. This behavior can damage trust and hinder open communication in both personal and professional relationships. Recognize the impact of your words and offer compassion and understanding.
Supporting those in pain fosters a more empathetic and caring environment. By acknowledging and validating their experiences, you contribute to a culture of support and respect. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding.
24. Criticizing Decision-Making Skills
Decision-making is a complex and personal process, and criticizing it can undermine confidence and self-esteem. This subtle form of gaslighting suggests that the person’s choices are flawed or invalid, which can create self-doubt. Instead, support their decisions and offer constructive feedback when necessary.
When you criticize someone’s decision-making, you imply that their judgment is inferior or unreliable, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. This behavior often stems from a lack of understanding or respect for their perspective. Encourage open discussions about decisions and provide support rather than criticism.
Fostering a supportive environment for decision-making promotes confidence and growth. By offering constructive feedback and encouragement, you help individuals feel empowered and respected. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also enhances personal development and mutual respect.
25. Exaggerating Flaws
Focusing excessively on someone’s flaws can be a subtle form of gaslighting that undermines their self-esteem. This behavior magnifies imperfections and can make the individual feel inadequate or unworthy. Instead, focus on strengths and offer support for personal growth.
By exaggerating flaws, you communicate that the person’s worth is tied to their imperfections, which can damage their confidence and self-image. This behavior often reflects insecurity or a desire to deflect attention from one’s own shortcomings. Strive to uplift and encourage rather than criticize.
Highlighting strengths while acknowledging flaws fosters a more positive and supportive environment. By focusing on growth and improvement, you contribute to a culture of encouragement and respect. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also promotes self-confidence and mutual understanding.
26. Using Ultimatums
Ultimatums are a form of manipulation that force someone to choose between options, often with negative consequences. This subtle form of gaslighting can create pressure and anxiety, leaving the individual feeling trapped. Instead, engage in open discussions to find mutually beneficial solutions.
When you use ultimatums, you limit the other person’s ability to make decisions freely, which can damage trust and autonomy in the relationship. This behavior often stems from a desire to control or enforce compliance. Approach conflicts with empathy and a willingness to compromise.
Engaging in constructive dialogue encourages understanding and cooperation. By avoiding ultimatums and seeking collaborative solutions, you promote a healthier and more balanced relationship dynamic. This approach not only resolves conflicts more effectively but also strengthens mutual respect and trust.