Narcissist Gaslighting: Detetar e parar o abuso

When you first become involved with a narcissist, they’re charming and make you feel special. Soon after, however, things change. They realize that since you can’t fix their deep-seated issues, you should be punished, and the emotional abuse begins.

O gaslighting dos narcisistas é a principal ferramenta que utilizam para obter o controlo. The term gaslighting describes a set of manipulation tactics used to confuse and mislead someone until they’re pliable, vulnerable, and easy to influence.

By distorting their victim’s perception of reality, a gaslighter ensures that what they say won’t be challenged and that their actions won’t be questioned. Esta forma de abuso psicológico e emocional é natural para os narcisistas.

A sua falta de empatia e o seu sentido de superioridade facilitam-lhes a mentira, a manipulação e o engano das suas vítimas para conseguirem o que querem, ou seja, alimentar os seus egos frágeis e satisfazer as suas próprias necessidades à custa dos outros.

Let’s take an in-depth look at narcissist gaslighting: how it affects the victim, how to recognize it, and how to deal with it.

O que é o Narcissist Gaslighting?

Na fase de desvalorização de um padrão de relacionamento narcisista, after the narcissist realizes that someone isn’t what they imagined them to be, they try to get validation in other ways. O gaslighting dos narcisistas é uma forma de manipulação que utilizam para atingir os seus objectivos.

There are three types of narcissists, and they all focus only on their own needs and don’t care how it affects other people.

O narcisista grandioso tem um sentimento de direito e quer ser tratado como superior.

O narcisista vulnerável is emotionally sensitive and feels inadequate, so they feel victimized unless they’re getting special treatment.

O narcisista maligno is similar to a sociopath – they want to control and exploit, so they dominate and manipulate others without remorse.

Narcissistic gaslighting doesn’t only take place in romantic relationships. Um narcisista gaslighting pode ser um amigo, familiar, colega de trabalho ou pai narcisista. Todas estas relações tóxicas magoam a vítima e prejudicam a sua saúde mental.

O que é o gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a narcissist’s favorite weapon. It’s a conjunto de tácticas de manipulação that shifts blame onto the victim by distorting the truth until you’re convinced to do what they want and give them full control.

It’s a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves various gaslighting techniques com o objetivo de o fazer questionar-se: os seus sentimentos, pensamentos, memórias, realidade e sanidade e, com o tempo, fazem-no duvidar do seu sentido de si próprio e da sua autoestima.

A narcissist doesn’t care about the truth, only about getting what they want, so they have no problem invalidating your feelings, thoughts, and perception. If you challenge them, they turn it around and convince you that you’re the abuser and they are the victim.

They use a pattern of abusive behaviors that amount to brainwashing with the intent of making you doubt yourself and lose trust in your own perceptions so that instead, you’ll trust and obey them without question.

Como é que se sabe se se está a ser enganado?

Signs of gaslighting can be difficult to spot if you’re not familiar with them. Se já tem uma baixa autoestima, pode também não confiar na sua intuição de que algo está errado.

What seems like normal behavior at first glance can be a harmful manipulation tactic that you simply don’t recognize.

O gaslighting pode começar lentamente e estar relacionado com assuntos aparentemente insignificantes, mas com o passar do tempo, vai destruindo o seu sentido de identidade. It creates self-doubt until you’re not sure about what’s real and what isn’t and even makes you question your own sanity. This is how um narcisista ganha controlo.

Aqui estão alguns sinais de alerta de gaslighting in someone’s behavior to help you figure out if you’re involved in an abusive relationship:

- Mentir, omitir a verdade, omitir factos.

• Contradicting things you know are true.

• Calling you crazy.

- Negando coisas que aconteceram.

• Minimizing your feelings when you express them.

- Ignorar os seus sentimentos e preocupações.

• Changing the topic of conversation.

• Evading when asked questions.

- Ser vago de propósito.

• Blaming you for something they’ve done.

- Virar a mesa quando tentamos falar com eles.

• Shaming you for your behavior, feelings, appearance, reactions, anything.

• Criticizing and lecturing you, pointing out your flaws.

- Calar-se quando se quer falar.

• Refusing to talk about something.

- Ameaçando-o.

• Using your personal information to hurt you.

• Guilt trips.

- Pretending they don’t understand what you’re talking about.

• Insults, demeaning words, and name-calling.

- Negar que se lembram de algo que fazem.

• Trying to confuse you on purpose.

• Breaking promises.

• Disagreeing with something that would mean they aren’t right.

- Projectando as suas próprias acções em si.

• Accusing you of abusing them.

- Claiming you did or said something you didn’t.

• Rejecting your account of events.

- Usar outras pessoas como aliados ou dizer-lhes como é problemático.

• Distorting situations to hurt you.

- Acusando-o de exagerar.

• Refusing to hear you out.

- Ignorar os seus limites.

• Exaggerating your actions to make you seem unbalanced.

• Trying to explain to you that you don’t see things correctly.

RELACIONADO: 52 Coisas Manipuladoras que os Narcisistas Dizem Numa Discussão

Exemplos de iluminação artificial do narcisista

A perturbação da personalidade narcisista ou NPD é uma doença mental que só pode ser diagnosticada por um médico, mas the term ‘narcissist’ é frequentemente utilizado para descrever alguém que só se preocupa consigo próprio, sem considerar como o seu comportamento afecta os outros.

This includes manipulative behavior and emotional abuse that’s damaging to their victims to convince them that the narcissist is never to blame using various gaslighting tactics. Eis alguns exemplos de gaslighting que ilustram o seu carácter insidioso:

1. Gaslighting clássico

Quando um narcisista nega a sua realidade, negando os seus sentimentos, pensamentos e necessidades, e o faz duvidar dela, certifica-se de que você depende dele e lhe dá controlo sobre a sua vida.

They pretend like they’re reasonable while you’re too emotional or argumentative. You’re made to believe that your feelings are out of line and that you’re overreacting.

This is what’s usually considered gaslighting, even though it’s a much broader term that includes multiple behaviors.

2. Tratamento silencioso

Even though the silent treatment seems like it’s nothing serious because it’s passive, it’s a form of emotional abuse and a part of gaslighting.

Um narcisista usa o tratamento de silêncio para o forçar a pedir desculpa e a assumir a culpa, independentemente de ter ou não feito algo de errado. É assim que nos fazem duvidar de nós próprios e agir da forma que eles querem.

3. Obstáculos

When you try to talk to your abuser about something they don’t want to talk about, they avoid engaging with you. They stay silent and ignore you while you talk – they might physically turn away or pretend they don’t understand what you’re saying.

This causes you frustration and feeling like your concerns aren’t being heard and have no value. Tem a opção de desistir ou de agravar a discussão, o que pode ser utilizado em benefício próprio.

4. Medo

Um narcisista pode fazer com que evite exprimir os seus sentimentos, fazendo com que tenha medo. Se lhe disserem que haverá consequências para o seu comportamento, treinam-no para deixar de se comportar de uma determinada maneira.

Isto faz-nos sentir que, se agirmos de uma forma contra a qual eles nos avisaram, merecemos o que nos acontecer.

5. Contradições

When a narcissist makes you question your thoughts and memories by contradicting you with their own versions. Slowly, this makes you start doubting yourself because they’ve proven time and time again that you’re wrong.

6. Expectativas

Narcissists manipulate you by making you feel like you’re supposed to know what they want and what you’re supposed to do even if they never told you.

Their behavior and demands are presented as being for your own good and that you’re the problem.

This makes you feel like you’re ungrateful if you’re unable to read their mind and that you’re oversensitive if you feel the opposite of what they want you to feel like.

7. Minimização/trivialização

Para a fazer sentir-se mal consigo própria, o agressor fá-la sentir-se culpada ou acreditar que os seus sentimentos e pensamentos não são razoáveis.

Nada do que menciona é importante. Dizem-lhe que as suas necessidades não são importantes, para que se sinta egoísta quando tenta satisfazê-las.

8. Recusa

The narcissist outright rejects that something happened and tries to convince you that you’re making things up and that it didn’t happen. They don’t do this because they truly believe it, but to make you question yourself on purpose.

9. Desvios

Um narcisista pode usar uma variedade de tácticas para desviar a sua atenção dos seus verdadeiros sentimentos ou projetar os seus próprios sentimentos em si.

Because they don’t want to deal with your emotions, they use techniques such as blame-shifting, changing the subject, and accusing you of something they’ve done to induce a variety of negative feelings.

10. Anedotas

Os insultos e a crueldade sob a forma de piadas são frequentemente utilizados pelos abusadores narcisistas para te fazer sentir mal contigo mesmo. If you can’t take a joke, there’s something wrong with you, and if you laugh at it, you slowly start to believe their words. Narcissists love to use this when there are others around.

RELACIONADO: 12 exemplos comuns de mensagens de texto de narcisistas (+ como responder)

Quais são algumas frases de gaslighting?

You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship with a narcissist for them to gaslight you. For example, a co-worker might accuse you of being hysterical after you raise an issue with something they did.

Mesmo ocorrências isoladas de gaslighting como esta podem ser prejudiciais, mas quando o gaslighting continua durante um período de tempo, o agressor faz-lhe uma lavagem cerebral até deixar de confiar nos seus próprios instintos e começar a acreditar em tudo o que ele diz.

As seguintes frases são frequentemente sinais vermelhos que apontam para o gaslighting.

1. “It was just a joke.”

O narcisista ignora os seus sentimentos, fazendo-o sentir vergonha da sua reação.

• Lighten up.

• It’s not a big deal.

• You can’t take a joke.

• You take everything so seriously.

• Just let it go.

2. “You’re too sensitive.”

They’re making you feel like your feelings aren’t valid and that you are the problem if you’re affected by their actions.

• That wouldn’t hurt my feelings.

• Don’t take things so personally.

• Why are you upset?

• Get over it.

• You’re being emotional.

3. “You’re ungrateful.”

Um narcisista só se preocupa com as suas próprias necessidades, por isso, se as suas se intrometerem no caminho dele, envergonham-no por expressar o que sente e fazem-no sentir-se culpado por ter necessidades.

• How much attention do you need?

• That’s not important.

• If you really loved me, you’d…

• I guess I can’t say anything to you.

• Where did I go wrong?

• We already talked about this.

• Why are you bringing that up?

4. “That never happened.”

Ao questionar o seu raciocínio, o narcisista está a fazê-lo questionar-se a si próprio e à sua perceção. A longo prazo, isto leva-o a desconfiar de si próprio e a confiar nele.

• I never said that./I never did that.

• You’re just confused.

• That is not how it happened.

• You’re imagining things.

• I don’t remember saying that.

• It must have been someone else.

5. “You never told me that.”

When the narcissist wants to make you doubt yourself, they put the blame on you and make it seem like you’re the one who needs to be questioned instead of them.

• You’re twisting things.

• That’s not what I meant.

• I don’t know what you want me to say.

• Don’t put words into my mouth.

• You’re taking things the wrong way.

6. “Why are you angry?”

If you comment on something that the narcissist doesn’t want to talk about, they’ll take your words and turn them around to make you appear angry and act offended and hurt.

• You’re being dramatic.

• You’re overreacting.

• You’re blowing things out of proportion.

• Why are you picking a fight?

• You’re making things up.

7. “Why are you like this?”

The narcissist likes to play the victim and make you wonder if you’re really doing something wrong whenever you voice your feelings and needs.

• You’re always complaining.

• You always have to be right.

• You always have to have the last word.

• It’s always something.

8. “You’re crazy.”

Fazer-nos sentir loucos é o método favorito de um narcisista porque funciona a dois níveis: faz-nos duvidar de nós próprios e faz com que ele pareça a vítima.

• Just calm down.

• Are you hearing yourself?

• You’re not making sense.

• What are you talking about?

• You need help.

9. “You’re being irrational.”

Similar to making you feel crazy, making you feel like you’re being irrational gives the narcissist the upper hand and feeds their ego while at the same time shaming you and making you wonder if you’re the one who’s being hurtful.

• Listen to yourself.

• Why are you being defensive?

• Are you kidding me?

• You think you know everything.

• I’m not arguing.

10. “I do this because I love you.”

Transferir a culpa e fazer parecer que o que o narcisista está a fazer é para seu benefício faz com que se sinta mal por ter falado e dá-lhe uma sensação de superioridade.

• You made me…

• I remember you…

• It’s your fault I…

• If you only…, I would…

RELACIONADO: 30 frases alarmantes de gaslighting a que deve estar atento

Lidar com a iluminação a gás do narcisista

Ser capaz de o convencer a comportar-se, a sentir e até a pensar de uma determinada maneira, o narcisista gaslighting começa por fazer-nos acreditar que tem em mente os nossos melhores interesses.

Esta confiança é a razão pela qual abuso narcísico can easily damage your sense of reality – when someone cares for you, you assume they won’t hurt you on purposeAssim, aceita implicitamente que as acções deles são para o seu próprio bem.

Quais são os efeitos do gaslighting narcísico?

As vítimas de gaslighting podem ser parceiros românticos, amigos, filhos de narcisistas, ou ter qualquer outro tipo de relação com eles, mas confiam sempre neles até certo ponto. O gaslighting provoca traumas psicológicos e é prejudicial para a saúde mental.

Os efeitos do gaslighting narcísico incluem:

- Auto-dúvida e falta de confiança em si próprio. You start to believe that you’re incapable of making decisions on your own.

- Questionarmo-nos a nós próprios e sentir que se está sempre a cometer erros.

- Vergonha sobre o seu comportamento, traços de personalidade e tudo o que o agressor apontar como negativo.

- Concordar com toda a gente e tudo para evitar conflitos.

- Baixa autoestima and feeling like you’re not good enough.

- Não saber quem realmente és e o que quer, devido aos constantes ataques ao seu sentido de identidade.

- Sentir-se rejeitado e invalidado.

- Problemas com ansiedade, depressão ou abuso de substâncias.

- Confusão, não confiar na sua perceção e não confiar na sua memória.

- Culpar-se a si próprio and apologizing when you haven’t done anything or for other people’s mistakes.

- Making excuses for your abuser’s behavior para si e para os outros.

• Feeling like you’re perder a cabeça.

- Incapacidade de estabelecer e impor limites em qualquer relação.

• Feeling like algo está erradomas não confiar na sua intuição.

- Ser demasiado sensível, easily crying, and wondering if you’re overreacting.

- Sentir-se miserável mesmo que a sua vida pareça estar a correr bem.

• Feeling like whatever you do, you’ll make a mistake and that you can’t do anything right.

• You feel like a tua personalidade mudou.

Como é que se reage a um narcisista que está a fazer gaslighting?

When a narcissist is gaslighting you, they use made-up mistakes to shift the blame onto you and make it seem that there’s something wrong with you. You end up feeling confused, afraid, and disrespected and apologizing for something you didn’t do.

Como lidar com o gaslighting narcísico para evitar estes sentimentos?

1. Aprender a reconhecer o gaslighting

The purpose of gaslighting is to make you believe whatever your abuser wants you to believe so that they have control of you. They make you feel like you don’t know what’s what, like you’re going crazy or like you must be wrong if they say so.

Aprender a reconhecer os sinais e comportamentos e estar alerta sempre que ouvir uma das frases habitualmente utilizadas para o manipular pode ajudá-lo a preparar-se, a reagir e a defender-se das tentativas de o ludibriar.

2. Obter apoio

Having someone on your side is instrumental when you need help making sense of the lies and deceit you’ve been subjected to.

Contactar a família e os amigos ou procurar ajuda profissional to support you and ensure that you know you’re not imagining things can make a vital difference in how being the victim of gaslighting affects you. If you don’t have access to anything else, even online therapy can be of great help.

3. Escuta a tua intuição

Learn to respect your gut feeling when it’s telling you that something is wrong. This is especially important if you’ve learned to doubt yourself and you’re looking for other people, especially the person who is gaslighting you, to validate you.

Esteja atento e mantenha-se consciente dos seus pensamentos e sentimentos, independentemente do que o seu gaslighter está a tentar fazer-lhe pensar. If you stay grounded in the present and prioritize your own perception of the experience, they’ll have less chance of shaking your sense of reality.

4. Recolher provas que comprovem a sua própria realidade

Document or otherwise ensure that you have evidence to prove that you’re a victim of gaslighting. Save all text messages, keep a journal, make a record, or tell things to someone who will remember them. Certifique-se de que consegue verificar os factos quando o seu agressor o tenta convencer de algo que nunca aconteceu.

Some instances of gaslighting can be difficult to prove, but as long as you’re determined to push back against abuse, you can learn to rely on your own memories instead of whatever the narcissist is trying to get you to believe. This can help you curar-se depois de ter sido vítima de gaslighting.

5. Recusar-se a participar

Even if you can’t provide evidence to your abuser that you’re aware of reality, you can still refuse to talk to them or engage when they’re trying to manipulate you.

Once you learn to recognize what’s going on, they lose the power to convince and turn things around on you. As long as you’re self-aware and understand what they’re trying to do, the narcissist can no longer control you na medida do possível, antes de se saber o que estavam a fazer.

6. Ser firme quanto aos limites

A narcissist doesn’t care about boundaries. They feel entitled and believe rules don’t apply to them. Their only concern is their own ego and their own reality. Prioritize your sanity, and don’t let them violate your boundaries. Afasta-te se não tiveres outra opção.

Leaving a relationship in which you’re a victim of gaslighting isn’t always possible, or you might not want to, but sometimes, especially if physical abuse is also involved, it might be the only solution that will completely work.

Ver também: Olhar narcisista: Como reconhecer e lidar com ele

Recupere a sua realidade

Emotional abuse is dangerous and harmful – it can be difficult to escape and could create lasting damage to your mental health. The first step to dealing with narcissist gaslighting is to realize what it is that’s happening.

Um narcisista faz-nos questionar a nossa realidade e a nossa sanidade mental com as suas mentiras, manipulações e contradições. Passado algum tempo, começamos a acreditar neles e eles usam a nossa rendição para nos controlar.

When you’re able to realize what’s happening, you’ll be able to push back and stand your ground.

Esteja atento às suas tácticas e às palavras que utilizam para o deitar abaixo e fazê-lo duvidar de si próprio. Dê prioridade aos cuidados pessoais e pratique a atenção plena para se manter em contacto com a sua realidade e os seus sentimentos.

Stay calm when dealing with a situation in which the narcissist is trying to gaslight you without allowing them to violate your boundaries. If you’re determined to stop narcissist gaslighting and you first and foremost believe in yourself, they won’t be able to break through your defenses.