15 consejos para tratar con la ex mujer de tu novio

If you’re dating a divorced man, I really feel for you. Dealing with the ex-wife of your boyfriend is never an easy job.

Sin embargo, siempre hay que tener en cuenta que lo importante es que ella es una ex y una ex es una ex por una razón.

Ella pertenece a su pasado y tú eres su presente y, con suerte, su futuro.

Por supuesto, sería mejor para todos que mantuvierais relaciones amistosas, especialmente si hay niños de por medio.

Co-parenting isn’t always easy, trust me, and you should help both your partner and his ex-spouse with this, if they have kids together.

Ten siempre en mente y haz las cosas que sean en el mejor interés de los niños.

Your husband’s ex was a part of your new partner’s past and you have to aceptar el hecho de que ella siempre (por desgracia) formará parte de su vida si es la madre de sus hijos.

Sería mejor para los dos, pero sobre todo para los niños, que encontrarais un terreno común y establecierais unas relaciones sanas entre vosotros.

How to deal with your boyfriend’s ex-wife?

Creo que esta es la pregunta más frecuente de las mujeres que se salir con un hombre divorciado con hijos and your husband’s ex can really be unbearable sometimes.

Here’s how to handle her effectively.

Get to know your partner’s ex

En primer lugar, deberías conocerla.

I don’t mean that you should only shake hands with her and tell her your name, I mean that you should really spend some time with her and conózcala.

Esto será fácil si ella y su pareja se divorciaron de forma amistosa y siguieron siendo amigos después de la separación, porque la relación entre ellos también será más relajada.

Deberías darle una oportunidad. Puede que te sorprenda e incluso que te hagas amigo suyo, lo que sería muy guay.

Don’t have any prejudices about her if you haven’t yet even met her.

If she and your new partner didn’t get along well, that doesn’t mean that you won’t.

Tal vez sea un tipo de persona totalmente diferente de cómo te la imaginas y de lo que otros han dicho de ella.

Quizá esta nueva amistad entre vosotros dos te ayude a aprender y comprender algunas cosas nuevas sobre tu novio y su relación anterior.

Invítala a casa o sal con ella a tomar un café

Why not? This may seem a little bit awkward but it really doesn’t have to be. You can hang out with her and get to know her.

Trust me, that’s how the kids will accept and like you faster.

Ask her to hang out more often. Tell her that you want to be a friend to her even if it’s a little bit strange in your circumstances.

Pregúntale sobre su vida personal y sé sincero cuando respondas a preguntas sobre tu vida personal.

Pregúntale por su vida sentimental y si también tiene un nuevo novio o no.

Maybe right now it seems really awkward to speak to your husband’s ex about these things but you’ll soon see that there is nothing to worry about.

You can also ask her some things you would like to know about your significant other or their children too and don’t be ashamed to talk about your new relationship with her ex-husband, especially if she asks you about it.

Dale la oportunidad de conocerte

También deberías darle la oportunidad de conocerte de verdad.

She’ll most definitely want to know who the girl is who came after her and who is a possible stepmom to her kids.

Be honest and direct about everything you talk to her about. Don’t pretend or lie just because you want to get her ‘approval’ in some way.

Also, you shouldn’t be a suck-up to her to get her to like you. You don’t need that.

Once she sees how much you make her ex-husband happy and how great you are with kids, she’ll start seeing you in a different way.

Si está enfadada o amargada por tu novio o por ti, conocerte de verdad podría ayudarla.

Once she sees that you are a good person and that she doesn’t have anything to worry about, she’ll accept you and try to be friends with you.

Trata de entender cómo se siente

This is very important. You are a woman, too. Maybe she didn’t want the divorce, maybe she still loves him…

Deberías considerar todo eso e intentar comprenderla.

It’s definitely not so easy for her to watch her ex-marido con su nuevo novia todos los días y tendrá miedo de que les caigas demasiado bien a los niños y empiecen a llamarte su mamá.

If you’re alone at one point and you start talking, you should ask her about her previous marriage, mental health and well-being in general.

Maybe she doesn’t want to start dating yet because she is afraid of how her kids would react to that.

Se sienta como se sienta, tu trabajo es intentar comprenderla y facilitarle las cosas a ella y a los niños todo lo que puedas.

Recuerda siempre que ella también tiene su versión de la historia sobre su divorcio

There are two sides to every story and it’s like that in this one.

You’ve heard your partner’s side and it’s only fair for you to listen to his ex’s side of the story.

It’s up to you who you are going to believe.

Even though you’ll probably choose to believe in your partner’s side of the story, it still doesn’t have to be a reason not to have a good relationship with his ex-spouse.

If it’s possible, become friends with her

As I’ve already said, it’s very important to establish a healthy relationship with your partner’s ex.

Invítala a salir y sal con ella de vez en cuando.

Show her that you don’t see her as the enemy and that neither should she see you that way.

Comparta algunas historias privadas de su pasado y escuche atentamente cuando ella hable de su propia vida.

It’s important for both of you to build trust between you two.

Ask her about their children’s lives and ask her what they like doing.

If you have noticed that something is bothering them, it’s totally okay to talk to her about it.

Talk about your jobs, interests and any bad things you’ve encountered in your lives and follow her on social media.

También puedes preguntarle cosas sobre tu pareja (porque probablemente es quien mejor le conoce).

If you’re planning a surprise for him, maybe a birthday party or something, she can be very helpful for that.

Pregúntale cuáles fueron sus motivos para divorciarse y en qué medida afectó realmente a su vida.

Demuéstrale que tu única intención es establecer una relación buena y sana con ella.

But also understand that you’ll never become besties and that’s okay

Sometimes, no matter how much you try to establish a friendly relationship with your partner’s ex-spouse, it just isn’t possible.

She may still have some unresolved issues with him or simply doesn’t want to become friends with you, even if you do nothing wrong to her.

For some reason, most ex-wives think that the new girl is the reason why they lost their ex-husband forever and they are afraid that she might ‘take’ their kids, too.

Even if you establish a good relationship with your partner’s ex, you shouldn’t think that she is your true friend and that you can tell her everything.

Nadie dice que tengas que hacerte su mejor amigo. En realidad sería demasiado incómodo y un poco raro.

Nunca debes confiar en ella 100%

No importa lo buena o amistosa que sea vuestra relación, nunca debes confiar completamente en ella porque nunca sabes si sus intenciones son realmente tan honestas como dice.

You have to be careful with it because sometimes ex-wives pretend that they are friends with their ex-partner’s girl just because they want to get to know bad things about her and separate the two of them.

Don’t complain to her about your partner because I’m sure she’ll be eager to tell him that.

Also, don’t think you can gossip with her about him or his family because she’ll tell him about it.

Don’t allow her to speak badly about your boyfriend

Aunque le pidas que cuente su versión de los hechos sobre su divorcio, nunca debes permitir que insulte o hable mal de tu novio.

Debes defenderle pase lo que pase.

Even if you think that he has done a bad thing to her and that she has the right to insult him, you shouldn’t say that in front of her.

Si notas que habla mal de él delante de los niños, debes detenerla inmediatamente y contárselo a tu pareja.

She’ll probably want to make the kids choose a side and that’s how she thinks she’ll make them choose hers.

Si oyes que habla mal de tu pareja o te das cuenta tú mismo, debes detenerla de inmediato.

Also, don’t speak badly about her in front of your significant other

Even if she treats you badly or doesn’t want to have any communication with you, you shouldn’t gossip about her in front of your boyfriend.

The most important thing is that the kids are pleased and content and that they have both parents, even if they’re divorced.

Todo lo demás encajará algún día.

And if it doesn’t, that’s not important. You’ll learn to live with the annoying ex-wife of your man.

Lo más importante es que estéis juntos, queriéndoos y respetándoos.

There is no reason for you to be jealous of her, so remember that she belongs in the past…

… and you are now. You are a part of his life now and you’ll be a part of his future; that’s all that matters.

You don’t have any reasons to be jealous of her. If he thought that she was better than you in any way, he would still be with her, not you.

Let go of all of those negative feelings and focus on what’s really important.

Que la envidia y jealousy won’t do you nada bueno; sólo puede perturbar esa hermosa relación romántica entre usted y su pareja.

Nunca involucres a sus hijos en tus problemas o peleas

Todo lo relativo a los niños probablemente ya se acordó en el proceso de divorcio.

Es probable que tu pareja y su ex tengan un acuerdo de custodia y que tu pareja esté pagando a su ex la manutención de sus hijos.

Todos deberíais sentaros con sus hijos y explicarles vuestra situación actual.

Tu pareja debe presentarte como su nueva novia, su madrastra, y pedirles tanto a ellos como a ti que intenten llevarse bien y aceptarse mutuamente.

Okay, so they aren’t your own kids but they are now your stepchildren and if you truly love your partner, that would be the same for you; you’ll see them as your own.

If you don’t have a good relationship with your partner’s ex-wife and if you fight a lot, you have to leave the kids out of it because it leaves huge consequences on their mental health.

Además, nunca pero de verdad NUNCA, aproveches para hablar mal de ella cuando estés a solas con los niños.

No importa lo que te haya hecho o te siga haciendo, nunca debes intentar vengarte. Sé siempre la mejor persona.

Pelear con tu novio por su culpa está fuera de lugar

Constant phone calls then hang-ups every time you answer your partner’s phone, texting, inviting him over to let him have the kids… these are all some signs of how she wants to make you jealous and get a bad reaction from you.

She’ll probably try to separate you but you should show her how strong your love is.

You also have to understand your partner so know that he can’t be a referee between you two.

If she told you her side of the story and made him look bad, you shouldn’t immediately believe her and confront your boyfriend with your new findings.

Dale la oportunidad de defenderse.

Things could get even worse between you and your boyfriend’s ex-wife if he asks you to marry him.

Becoming his fiancée may make her even angrier or more obsessed with you.

Don’t let the relationship between you two affect the relationship with your boyfriend

Puede que intente controlar a su ex marido y para ello tiene un arma poderosa: los niños, claro.

If she gets them to choose her side (even though it’s so wrong to ask children to pick sides), your partner will suffer for sure and she’ll be in a position to make ultimatums with him.

It would be better for all of you if you could get along well but you don’t have to try to be friends with her at all costs.

Sea cual sea tu relación, nunca debes permitir que afecte a la relación entre tu novio y tú.

Intenta ser justo con ella. Intenta ser comprensivo con ella y también con tu pareja.

But don’t allow anyone to insult you or speak badly about you.

Establezca unos límites saludables

Establecer límites es crucial para toda relación sana.

Deberías establecer unos límites sanos en la relación con tu pareja y también con su ex cónyuge.

Don’t let her cross the line or your limits. If you aren’t okay with something she says or does, you have to tell her that.

Si ves que quiere estar demasiado cerca de tu hombre, dile que se aparte.

Tell her that even though you asked her to be friends with you that this is something you won’t tolerate.

Sé que tratar con la ex mujer de tu novio es muy difícil y te hace sentir muy incómoda, pero lo único que tienes que hacer es encontrar la manera de que esa relación funcione.

No importa lo difícil que resulte, ni se te ocurra romper con tu pareja por culpa de su ex.

Es posible hacer más feliz la vida familiar incluso en esas circunstancias, pero sólo si todas las partes quieren cooperar para que así sea.

Think about the kids and their best interests and everything will be, well, not perfect, but it will be the way that’s best for all of you.

Hang in there, she’ll understand soon that the best thing for everyone would be to get along. Peace and love, that’s all I want for you.