Esta es la razón por la que el "amor verdadero" es un trabajo duro

My friend once told me that relationships should be easygoing and that, with love, you wouldn’t need to work hard to transform it into something awesome.

I disagree with this on so many levels that I don’t even know if I can count them.

Esta es la razón por la que los matrimonios acuden a terapia de parejapero ni siquiera un terapeuta puede darte consejos que funcionen al instante.

Las relaciones suelen ser muy duras y los terapeutas quieren que te comprometas y te dediques a un determinado objetivo que os habéis marcado juntos.

Realmente necesitas trabajar en ello.

That work includes committed listening, putting someone else’s needs in front of yours, letting go of control, practicing vulnerability, being honest, being open to change and even in the face of fear, being there for each other.

Maybe you Googled ‘Do good relationships take hard work?’ and all the books and blog posts you could find were about how you only need to work on it at the beginning and that it gets easier with time.

It’s all people want to hear. Instant solutions are the death of us!

You need to put work and effort into your relationship even years and years after you get married because you want them (and yourself) to be happy, don’t you?

It’s not just the beginning where it takes hard work.

Claro, conocer a alguien requiere mucho esfuerzo, porque tienes que averiguar qué quiere y necesita tu pareja en una relación.

Hay que saber hacer las preguntas adecuadas. Pero hay que seguir haciéndolas, a veces incluso durante décadas.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing can work out if there is only one worker and one slacker. You can’t really ‘procrastinate’ when it comes to relationships.

¿Y si tu pareja ha hecho toneladas de esfuerzo y ha dedicado tantas lágrimas y tanto sudor a todo y tú lo único que haces es darlo por sentado?

Well, that sure isn’t OK and este tipo de relaciones están condenadas al fracaso.

Por experiencia personal, he aprendido que las relaciones duraderas requieren trabajo duro invested into every aspect of them, so I’m going to list down the problems which might occur and how you can solve them (in the long-term):

Falta de comunicación adecuada

We sure do forget that sometimes words are like knives and we forget that ‘feedback’ needs to be pointed towards the actions of someone and not their personality.

Por eso, tendemos a insultar a nuestra pareja y a decirle cosas muy feas, en lugar de decirle cómo nos han hecho sentir sus acciones.

So instead of, “You’re such a stupid asshole for doing…” you might want to rephrase everything into, “I’m was hurt by the fact that you…” which makes it all much easier and less painful.

Estrés

If we have a lot of work to do we tend to completely forget about our partner, especially when all the deadlines we had are overdue, but you still need and should want to spend time with them, even though you know you can’t.

Y ese estrés se acumula aún más. ¿La solución? Gestionar mejor el tiempo.

Hay muchas herramientas que te pueden ayudar con eso y puedes programar tiempo para tu pareja a lo largo del día.

And in the time you’re dedicating to your relationship, your only focus will be on your partner. Nothing else. So both of you will be satisfied.

Aburrimiento

Ver a una misma persona durante años y años puede hacer que te sientas muy aburrido, sobre todo si no ocurre nada nuevo y si ambos habláis de los mismos temas una y otra vez.

¿Cómo se cura el aburrimiento? Vayan juntos de aventuras. Haced algo en lo que vuestra adrenalina suba más que nunca.

Algo nuevo que ninguno de los dos haya probado antes.

I can guarantee you that after some amazing trips and challenges you’ll feel refreshed and your relationship will bloom.

Coherencia

I’ve struggled with this one a lot lately, because at some point nothing is fun anymore and you just want to damn everything and let it slip away.

But I know that it’s worth fighting for and that you need to conquer yourself in order to make it all work.

Consistency can be hard, but it’ll pay out in the end!

Amor

Yes. Love. If you don’t love your partner, what’s the point of it all?

Tal vez empezaste la relación porque pensaste que podrían sanar la ruptura causada en tu última relación.

But how do you know (or feel) that you love them? Well, that’s easy: You can’t imagine a life without them.

If you can imagine a life without your partner, then let them go. It’s not worth your time and effort.

If you really love someone, nothing will be too hard for you to do. You will find little romantic gestures that’ll help both of you grow and you’ll be better lovers for sure.

Sé paciente y comprensivo con los demás y nada saldrá mal.