Así es cómo separarse de su cónyuge sin dolor

A veces, por mucho que ambos cónyuges intenten salvar su matrimonio, el divorcio parece ser la mejor opción al final.

Ahora, la verdadera cuestión es cómo separarte de tu pareja de la forma menos dolorosa posible.

Para ser sincero, no hay una manera indolora de hacerlo. La separación matrimonial es un acontecimiento emocional muy difícil para ambos cónyuges.

Hay muchas razones por las que las parejas se divorcian. Puede que uno de los cónyuges haya dejado de querer al otro o que la pasión haya abandonado el matrimonio; el motivo es irrelevante.

One partner will always be hurt in the end and that’s why you have to be very careful and gentle when you decide to tell them that you want a divorce.

Maybe you don’t love your spouse anymore but you did once for sure because otherwise you wouldn’t have married them in the first place.

Probablemente te sigan importando sus sentimientos y deberías hacerlo. Si siguen sintiendo algo por ti, si te siguen queriendo igual, debes ser paciente y ayudarles con la gestión del divorcio.

9 consejos para separarse de su cónyuge

Si quiere saber cómo separarse de forma sana o hacer que su separación sea lo más llevadera posible, siga leyendo a continuación para obtener algunos consejos eficaces.

Aceptar la situación

En primer lugar, hay que aceptar las cosas como son. Por desgracia, algunas cosas están fuera de nuestro control en la vida y solo tenemos que hacer las paces con ello, aceptarlo y seguir adelante.

One of those things is your divorce. If you’ve really tried hard to save your marriage and it didn’t work, you must just accept that a separation is inevitable and try to deal with it the best way you can.

I don’t want to lie to you, it’s not going to be easy. It’ll hurt, it’ll emotionally drain you and it’ll hurt other people you care about too.

Still, you have to come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over because the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll heal and move on with your life.

Así que siéntate y ten una charla sincera contigo mismo. Aclara tus pensamientos. Piensa en tu matrimonio como un vehículo que te condujo a través de un hermoso viaje que desafortunadamente llegó a su fin.

Ahora tiene que salir de ese vehículo y continuar su viaje sin el pasajero, su cónyuge.

Tener confianza en uno mismo es importante

Okay, you made the decision and now you have to stick to it. There is no going back. You must show that you’re confident and that you really think that divorce is the best option for everyone involved.

Your spouse will probably be hurt by your decision but not even that should make you change it. I know it’s difficult to see the person you once loved suffering but you must stand behind your decisions.

También debes mirarte a ti mismo y a tus propios sentimientos.

If you haven’t been happy for a long time in that marriage, then moving on in different directions is probably the best decision because you also deserve to find your own happiness.

Don’t allow other people to affect your decision

This is how you’ll also show that you’re confident and that you really mean that you’ll stick to your decision until the end.

Tu familia, tus amigos, tu cónyuge y su familia probablemente intentarán hacerte cambiar de decisión, pero dejar que lo hagan sería un gran error.

Yes, that’s how you would probably make a lot of people happy but in the end, you would still stay miserable.

You can’t share your life with someone just because you don’t want to hurt them or some other people that mean something to you.

La única razón para casarse y seguir casado con alguien DEBE ser el amor. Un matrimonio sano es el que se basa únicamente en el amor.

Sea sincero con su cónyuge

Antes de pedir consejo a un especialista en derecho de familia o a un abogado especializado en divorcios, debe hablar con su cónyuge. Probablemente ya sepan lo que has decidido, pero aun así merecen que se lo digas.

It’s going to be difficult to tell them that you want to divorce but it’s really inevitable. If you made that decision, you probably had some good reasons and now you just have to stick to it.

Pídeles que se sienten y te escuchen. Diles lo mucho que siguen significando para ti y lo mucho que los aprecias, así como todo lo que habéis conseguido juntos en vuestro matrimonio.

Diles lo mucho que has pensado en ello y que realmente crees que el divorcio es la mejor opción para ambos.

Remind them of all the effort you both put into saving your marriage but it just didn’t work because some things can’t be repaired after all.

Escucha atentamente lo que tienen que decir

Cuando hayas terminado de hablar, dales la oportunidad de compartir sus opiniones sobre tu decisión.

If you have had problems for some time in your marriage and couldn’t solve them, they will probably agree with a divorce.

However, they also might not handle it too well so be prepared for that too. Maybe they still love you the same and they thought it was just a crisis and how you’d handle it together and save your marriage.

If you have kids, your partner might be worried about how they’ll take your divorce and they may ask you to try once more to fix your marriage for the sake of your children.

Then you’ll have to explain how the divorce would also be best for your kids because listening to your fights every day is way worse for them than knowing that you’re getting a divorce.

In the end, make sure your partner knows that you’ll always be there for them as a friend and that you’ll stay a devoted parent to your kids too.

Esperar a que finalice el periodo de separación obligatoria

If you live in a state that requires all couples to go through a separation or waiting period before they file for divorce, you’ll have to respect that because it’s the law.

Este periodo de espera a veces es bueno para las parejas, pero a veces hace más mal que bien.

For some, it’s a chance to reconcile and save their marriage because after they live alone for that particular time, without their spouse, they realize that thinking about divorce was a mistake and they get back together and actually save their marriage.

Sin embargo, para otros, simplemente retrasa el divorcio y las cosas se complican aún más para ellos. Crea nuevos problemas entre ellos y empeora aún más las cosas.

Of course, you won’t have to wait and go through this mandatory separation period if the motive for your divorce is domestic violence or something even more serious.

In those cases, you’ll be able to file for divorce immediately.

Buscar asesoramiento jurídico

Even if you do agree about everything, you’ll still need some advice from a family law professional. They’ll have to draft the final agreement.

If you can’t agree over the property or custody, or even who’ll pay the divorce fee or some other costs, you’ll definitely need to hire an attorney and ask them to give you legal advice to help you.

Sometimes one spouse wants a divorce while the other one disagrees with it and that’s when you’ll definitely need to hire an attorney because you’ll probably have to go to the family court and finalize your divorce there.

Un buen abogado de divorcios le aconsejará sobre el reparto de los bienes conyugales y sus finanzas; por ejemplo, si debe tener nuevas cuentas bancarias y tarjetas de crédito o no y cómo finalizar el acuerdo de custodia.

Intente llegar a un acuerdo de separación con su cónyuge

Try to make an agreement with your spouse because trust me, it’s in everyone’s best interest. There is no time for anger now.

Debes pensar en tus hijos y en las demás personas cercanas a ti. Espabila, siéntate con tu pareja y hablad sobre qué hacer a continuación.

Dale tiempo a tu pareja para que acepte la situación y, cuando las cosas se calmen, pídele que hable.

Un acuerdo de separación matrimonial lo abarca todo, desde las cosas materiales y las finanzas hasta el cuidado de los hijos y la pensión alimenticia. That’s why it’s important to finalize it as soon as possible.

Don’t run away from your responsibilities

You lived with your partner for a period of your life and you’ve probably created so many beautiful memories and made a good life together.

You owe them a fair divorce. Respect the final court order. If your partner doesn’t work or you’re financially more stable, you have to agree on spousal support.

If you have kids, you’ll have to agree with your partner about a parenting plan.

If you agree on joint custody, which is often the best option for your kids, you’ll have to pay alimony or child support if you’re the parent with a higher income.

A la hora de repartir los bienes y ganancias acumulados durante el matrimonio, tiene que dividirlos equitativamente con su cónyuge. Ellos merecen la mitad de todo lo que ganasteis y adquiristeis mientras estuvisteis juntos.

Véase también: 15 ideas de fiestas de divorcio para prepararte para tu nueva vida

6 cosas a tener en cuenta antes de decidir separarse

Estaría muy mal por mi parte decirte que deberías meditar tu decisión, porque sé que ya lo has hecho, demasiadas veces.

And it’s still the same; your marriage has come to an end and you just have to go your separate ways and live separate lives.

Sin embargo, le aconsejo sinceramente que piense una vez más en las siguientes cosas antes de solicitar el divorcio.

¿Está completamente seguro de que quiere divorciarse de su cónyuge?

¿Hay alguna esperanza de intentar arreglar las cosas con su cónyuge? ¿Es realmente el divorcio la mejor opción para ambos?

Maybe you have just a marital crisis and there is a way to fix it and save your marriage. Think about it seriously. Don’t make such a huge decision too fast.

No hay vuelta atrás después del divorcio. Es un asunto muy serio y realmente tienes que estar 100% segura de que lo quieres.

Piense en una separación legal en lugar del divorcio

Your family law professional will probably offer you this option too. It’s very similar to divorce but you actually remain in the marriage.

So, even though you’re living separate lives, you’re still legally married and the child care remains the same as it was while you were actually living together.

La separación legal tiene sus pros y sus contras, por supuesto. Antes de tomar cualquier decisión, debe consultar a su abogado y obtener más información al respecto.

¿Hay alguna esperanza de salvar su matrimonio?

If there is really any hope that you may work things out, you shouldn’t give up on your marriage yet.

Maybe you’re just going through some rough patches and you may later regret giving up without fighting because strong people don’t ever do that.

Piensa en tus hijos y haz lo que creas que es mejor para ellos

Your kids are the most important factor in this situation. They’re the ones who are suffering the most, so try to keep things simple and don’t allow them to see that there are some problems between their parents.

Piensa en ellos y en lo que sería mejor para ellos. No importa si sigues casada o no, tus hijos deben ser siempre tu máxima prioridad y debes mantener relaciones amistosas por ellos.

You won’t only lose your lover, you’ll also lose your best friend

If you’ve been married for some time, then you can’t look at your partner just as your spouse, they are also your best friend. You shared your life with them so they’re definitely the person who knows you best.

Tu vida cambiará

Esto es un hecho y debes aceptarlo. Muchas cosas cambiarán en tu vida. El divorcio puede afectar a tu vida personal, a tu autoestima y a tu vida social.

But don’t fall into despair. It doesn’t mean that the divorce is a mistake. That whole range of emotions you’ll be feeling will pass after some time and you’ll be able to move on.

Véase también: Mi marido y yo estamos separados y él está saliendo con alguien: 6 consejos

Cómo aliviar el dolor de la separación

As I’ve already said, there is no painless way to end a marriage or a relationship. Sometimes a divorce can be so devastating for one spouse and it may take them years to fully recover and heal.

Sin embargo, he aquí algunas formas de aliviar el dolor tras la separación.

Tómate un tiempo para ti

It’s normal that the divorce process emotionally drains you. You’ll even feel overwhelmed at moments. So, the first thing you have to do is take some time for yourself.

You need to be alone so you can process everything that happened. You need to find a way to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. That’s why you need peace, you need to be alone with your thoughts and emotions.

Don’t jump into a new relationship

You shouldn’t shut off from the rest of the world. Go out and hang out with your friends, it’s really not the end of the world. You should even meet some new people.

However, even if you meet someone new and if you feel some kind of chemistry between you, you shouldn’t start dating that person immediately.

Tienes que darte un tiempo para procesar todo lo que ha pasado y hacer frente a todas tus emociones desbordantes.

If you jump into a new relationship too soon, it’s probably not going to work.

That relationship won’t be successful because you didn’t give yourself time to heal from the emotional baggage that was left after your divorce.

Manténgase positivo

Divorce is painful, exhausting, emotionally overwhelming… but you must know that you aren’t the only person who is going through all of that.

Hay muchas personas que ya pasaron por un periodo tan difícil de su vida y se curaron y siguieron adelante.

You’ll do the same. Your divorce will stay in the past but you’ll always have some beautiful memories with your ex-spouse to cherish forever.

Think about all the good things you’ve done in your marriage. Think about all of the achievements you earned because you had support from your ex-partner.

Remember only the good things and think positively. Now is not the time to regret the past, it’s time for the future.

Haz planes para tu futuro y vuelve a disfrutar de la soltería.

Pide ayuda a un profesional

The thing is that you shouldn’t go through all of it alone. If you don’t have a good friend or someone who’s a good listener and who knows to keep secrets, you can seek a professional’s help.

It’s not uncommon after a breakup, especially after a divorce, for someone to start visiting a psychiatrist or therapist.

We need someone who’ll help us get through that tough period.

You’ll feel a range of emotions and it’s very difficult to cope with all of it alone. A professional will help you cope with it in a healthy way so you can leave it all behind as soon as possible.

Para terminar

If things haven’t been going well between you and your spouse for a while, don’t immediately start thinking about divorce. If there is any chance for it, try to save your marriage.

Aunque decida divorciarse, debe tener mucho cuidado con la forma de separarse. You don’t want to hurt the feelings of the person who once meant so much to you and with whom you spent so much time, right?

Antes de buscar asesoramiento jurídico sobre el divorcio, debe hablar de ello con su cónyuge, porque él merece enterarse primero. Al menos les debe eso.

The marriage separation process can last a very long time if the partners can’t make an agreement by themselves about the kids, child support or spousal support.

Realmente puede agotarte y puede afectar mucho a los niños porque sentirán que el ambiente entre sus padres es muy intenso.

You don’t need it, nor do your kids. You must show understanding for each other now more than ever and reach an agreement together.

No, no hay una forma indolora de pasar por un divorcio, pero debes intentar que sea lo menos doloroso posible. Lleguen a un acuerdo por sus hijos y sigan siendo amigos después de la separación para poder seguir criándolos juntos.

There is no point in overthinking and regretting any things that you can’t change.

Recupérate, atesora los recuerdos que creaste con tu futuro ex cónyuge, encuentra una lección en estos momentos difíciles de tu vida y sigue adelante.