Dijo que ya no se sentía atraído

I felt it for weeks, that he wasn’t holding me as he had before… He had non-stop no libido. Yes, he was kind and loving, but something didn’t feel right. Of course, I was fearful to check, but I knew there was only one way forward: creating the space for honest, authentic communication. So, with courage in my heart, I asked him straight forward for communication time, being very clear, how important it was for me.

When the evening arrived, I prepared myself with deep breathing and a grounding meditation. In the end, I was the holder of the space. I actually asked my “angels and guides” to hold me for whatever may arise.

I prepared the space with candlelight, incense and lots of pillows in front of the wood burner. For these kind of conversations, I prefer almost going into a ritual space, using a talking stick and – as the holder of the space – calling in our guides and our honest true Selves.

First, I shared vulnerably my fear of not being attractive to him anymore, of my fears, that he may be attracted to someone else or – I named it: “wanting to go out there again to experience other women, letting his male instinct – as I call it – run”.

He did listen carefully and when I finished, he actually thanked me with these words: “It’s incredible how you always feel what’s going on in me and then actually invite me to speak it out loud and clear. I would not dare to open up by myself, but now it feels like a relief being able to speak it out honestly”.

And yes, there it was, his confession of not feeling attracted towards my body anymore but feeling his attention on beautiful women he may encounter in his daily life, may it be during his travels, in restaurants or wherever…

Seguí respirando mientras él hablaba, para mantener mi ser interior (y mi hijo) tranquilo y abierto. Creo que a ninguna mujer en este mundo le gusta oír de su pareja y amante que ya no la encuentra atractiva. Eso duele.

Pero la respiración me ayudó a mantener la concentración y a no entrar en pánico. Con mi calma, le di la oportunidad de hablar abiertamente de lo que sentía, de lo que le pasaba, de nombrar a otras mujeres por las que se sentía atraído y permitirle aclarar sus sentimientos. Nos permitió a ambos decir la verdad y él se sintió realmente apoyado y aliviado, de poder confesarme, que sólo se sentía atraído por la belleza de las mujeres más jóvenes.

And it allowed me to get the whole picture. There wasn’t really anyone specific out there. He just felt the “pull”.

When he finished, I asked him and offered him if he wanted/ needed space, if he felt, he needed to experience anything new…. (inside I knew, I did not know, how I would handle it, if he would say yes, but this was not the moment to worry about it. Right now, all what mattered, was the honest truth between us, the allowing of speaking the truth, with all it may bring).

Mi franqueza le permitió reflexionar realmente sobre sus sentimientos hacia mí. Se tomó unos momentos hasta que pude oírle decir con sinceridad y cariño: “I don’t know what may happen in the future, I only know how much I love you and what I have with you. This deep connection we share. That is sacred. I love who you are, the person, but the attraction for the body faded. Maybe it will come back…. I hope so. And it’s for you to decide, if you can/ want to live with me on your side, feeling I am less attracted to your body”.

I kept breathing – I had no answer at that moment – so that’s what I honestly replied. I needed to feel into this, knowing how much I loved this man.

Nos dimos las gracias mutuamente por nuestra sinceridad y cerramos el espacio ritual.

Para mi sorpresa, y ésta es la lección: de repente volvió a sentirse plenamente atraído por mí. Aquella noche y las siguientes hicimos el amor maravillosamente. No hay nada más cautivador para un hombre que una mujer en su poder, aunque el cuerpo ya no sea el más atractivo.