Espero Que Algún Día Entiendas Todo Lo Que Me Has Hecho Pasar

Cuando miro mi vida, numerosas personas me han causado distintos tipos de dolor emocional.

There were people whose goal was to play with my heart and to hurt my feelings and there were some who probably didn’t do it on purpose.

Pero la conclusión es que todos ellos me hicieron daño.

And when I think of you, I don’t know in which group to put you.

¿Me estabas haciendo pasar por tanto dolor emocional a propósito o lo hacías simplemente porque eras insensible y porque nunca tuviste en cuenta mis sentimientos?

De cualquier manera, the point is that the pain you put me through can’t be compared to anything else I’ve experienced in life. Y no me refiero sólo a las emociones negativas.

I am trying to tell you that the pain you put me through has been the most intense emotion I’ve ever felt in my life. You may say I am exaggerating but it is the truth.

The emotional pain I felt because of you was stronger than all the happiness I’ve ever felt in my life, of all the excitement and of every single positive emotion I’ve experienced.

Ahora que lo pienso, era incluso más fuerte que el amor que sentía por ti.

Y lo peor es que nunca fuiste consciente de cuánto me heriste.

De alguna manera, siempre decías que estaba exagerando y que estaba siendo demasiado emocional y sensible.

Siempre me acusabas de hacerme la víctima o de que yo tenía la culpa de todo lo que me hacías.

I don’t know if you were acting this way because you couldn’t accept the fact that you were hurting another human being that much. That you were destroying and breaking the woman who loved you.

Quizá te resultaba más fácil ver las cosas desde ese punto de vista que mirar la verdad a los ojos. Quizá nunca pudiste aceptar el hecho de que eras un monstruo que hizo de mi vida un infierno.

O tal vez sabías lo que me estabas haciendo pero seguiste adelante conscientemente, sin el menor signo de remordimiento.

De cualquier manera, el hecho es que nunca asumiste ninguna responsabilidad por tus palabras o acciones hacia mí.

At least, you never confessed that you were guilty of hurting me and you never acknowledged my pain or all the sacrifices I made for the sake of our relationship. You always acted like you shouldn’t be held accountable for the way you mistreated me.

Como si mis lágrimas, mis noches sin dormir, mis inseguridades causadas por ti y mis desamores no fueran de tu incumbencia.

Y a veces, creo que comportarte así me ha hecho más daño que todo lo que me hacías.

And that is why I sincerely hope that a day comes when you’ll understand everything you put me through.

But I mean really get it because I don’t want you telling me you understand something just to be the bigger man in both of our eyes.

Don’t get me wrong — despite all the pain you caused me, I still don’t wish for you to experience anything similar.

I don’t want you to go through all the things I went through because that is something I wouldn’t wish for my worst enemy to have to live through.

I don’t want you to be consumed by guilt either. After all, what was done was done and your conscious waking up all of a sudden can’t change anything.

I don’t want you to apologize either. I am not going to lie—it would be nice to hear an honest apology but when I come to think of it, even that wouldn’t make a significant difference inside of me and I am not sure if it would make me feel better.

My pain wouldn’t be erased if you experienced the same. No matter what you do, how you live your life and what happens to you, the scars on my soul will remain.

I just want you to realize what you’ve done to me and to take responsibility for your actions, even if you do it alone, without me ever finding out about it.

Y quiero que eso sea una lección para ti—que nunca pienses en hacer algo similar a otra mujer en tu vida.