Las secuelas de una relación cercana

Casi sales con alguien. You were almost the girl who was chosen. You had a boyfriend—at least you almost had him. There was something, but you’re not sure how to call it.

No había etiquetas. There were no promises made out loud, just those silent ones you could read from each other’s behavior.

But in the end, all you can call yourselves is ‘almost’ together because nothing really happened.

You thought you’re just taking things slow. Parecía que ninguno de los dos quería precipitarse y que a los dos les gustaba pasar tiempo juntos. Al menos eso parecía.

Pero entre tomarte las cosas con calma y admitir realmente tus sentimientos, te quedaste atrapado en esa zona gris que no eras capaz de atravesar.

And that’s all you were left with—frozen in time with so many possibilities but none of them happening.

Esperabas que tu casi se convirtiera en algo real. You hoped you will be able to stand in front of your friends and introduce each other as more than friends—as people who are dating.

You hoped you’ll be able to tell your family that you’re together and you hoped you’ll be able to display your relationship publicly.

That you’ll be able to change your profile picture, that you’ll save each others numbers with your cute nicknames instead of just names, but it didn’t happen.

En realidad no pasó nada. Y lo único que quedaba era la esperanza de que las cosas cambiaran con el tiempo.

But regardless of how long you waited, somehow you got stuck and you weren’t moving anywhere. No matter how hard you swam, if you ran or walked, you didn’t move from the same spot.

All that remained were those “what if” questions: What if you said what you felt, what if someone actually made the first move, what if you asked for a label, what if you took the charge, what if you weren’t afraid, what if you were more courageous, what if and what if… what if it happened, ¿serías capaz de ser feliz?

¿Se harían realidad todos tus sueños? ¿Sería todo lo que siempre has deseado?

Even if it wasn’t a real relationship, it still hurts. It’s still a painful experience and the aftermath of an almost relationship haunts you even more than the aftermath of a failed relationship.

Because there are so many possibilities that haven’t come to life, there is so much hope that just froze in time, there are so many dreams that will never see the light of the day, there is so much that should’ve been, but didn’t happen.

Even if it wasn’t a real relationship, it still haunts you. Todavía te destroza el corazón. Y la melancolía sigue siendo tu mejor amiga.

Porque puede que no fuera una relación real, pero los sentimientos eran muy reales. Y el dolor está muy vivo.

Y, al final de la historia, una vez que negarse a llegar a un acuerdo for something that is in the air and non-existent, you can’t help but ask yourself why can’t you be enough.

What’s wrong with you and how is it possible that you can’t be chosen?

You can’t escape this feeling that it was something you’ve done, that it had to be some huge mistake you made that prevented you from being chosen and from getting the love you deserve.

And, even when you know your worth, even when you know you’re more than enough, you can’t escape all those questions that come in waves when you close your eyes.

You can’t shake this feeling that you were meant to be. You can’t accept that it isn’t happening when you had all the signs that it will happen.

And you can’t shake off this feeling like you’ll always be a backup plan. That you’ll never get your own love story, that you’ll never get the love you deserve.

That you’ll always be just an almost choice and that you’ll always be stuck in an almost relationship.

And you end up being disappointed in everything: life, people, future relationships. You end up being broken by something you don’t even know how to name.

Acabas preguntándote si alguna vez te amarán como una persona merece ser amada. Si alguna vez te elegirán o si alguna vez serás algo más que una opción o una posibilidad que en realidad nunca cobró vida.

And you end up wondering if you’ll be the one who wins ever in life.

Well, let me answer that for you—if you learned something from tu casi relación, if you know you deserve more than being just an option, if you walk away from a ‘relationship’ that isn’t going anywhere, you win.

Although the aftermath of an almost relationship is nasty, at least you made sure you aren’t stuck in it forever. At least you gave a chance to your future.

At least you made a spot for someone who’ll be more than willing to give you everything you deserve.