Porque é que não se pode planear tudo numa parceria

We’re told at a very young age we’re supposed to meet and fall in love with our soulmate, marry, live in a home with a white picket fence and have at least two kids and a dog. Fairy tales in books and in the movies paint a picture of a life happily ever after where our dreams all come true.

Because we’re given such an idealized image of what our adulthood is supposed to look like, we think we have to follow a certain path in order for everything to perfectly play out.

If we deviate from this path, things are likely to fall apart. So, we set out with a plan to find a fairy tale partnership and set the bar high. We’re looking for that perfect Prince Charming to magically appear.

Well, if you haven’t noticed, life doesn’t always go as planned. And, people aren’t perfect.

Por isso, embora possamos ter um entendimento idealizado de como deve ser o nosso "felizes para sempre", temos de ser adaptáveis e aceitar as complicações da vida real. E as nossas expectativas têm de estar de acordo com isso.

When you meet someone you connect with on a level that you haven’t before, your mind may automatically fast forward to your future together and you may start fantasizing about all of those things you were hoping to one day have.

This is healthy and natural. It means you’re excited about what’s to come, and you want to start moving in that direction.

Pode começar a folhear catálogos de casamentos e a interessar-se mais por todos os bebés que vê quando anda por aí. Pode até começar a ter algumas conversas mais sérias com o seu futuro companheiro se achas que ele pode ser o tal. If you’re both looking forward to the next chapter, this can feel invigorating.

It’s okay to make some plans. You’ll want to have enough forethought to ensure you and your partner are on the same page about the ‘big stuff’—i.e., where you want to settle down, where you’d like to take your career, whether or not you both want children.

Estes são os coisas que podem realmente fazer ou desfazer uma relação. They’ll need to align (maybe with a little compromise) to build a solid future together.

When you start to move into the next stages of the partnership, though, don’t get hung up on the details. If you’re both on board with the big stuff, you shouldn’t let smaller obstacles completely derail your plans.

Maybe your partner wants a two-bedroom starter home, and you’re looking for a four-bedroom forever home. Maybe he wants to wait a while before expanding your family, and you can’t wait to get started.

Then, there are the quirks you’ll begin to notice when you’re really getting to know another person. Maybe he snores or leaves the toilet seat up. Maybe you eat everything on your plate one at a time and he shovels it all in. These are the things that the fairy tales leave out but they’re a very real part of life. No one is perfect, and it’s important to love the total package. When you do, as imperfeições podem ser sedutorastambém.

It’s also important to understand that there are certain things we simply can’t predict or plan for. Life is largely unpredictable. If you lose your job or your spouse does, you may have to relocate. If you have a hard time having kids of your own, you may end up adopting.

Os seus objectivos de hoje podem ser completamente diferentes daqui a cinco anos. Olhando para trás, era a mesma pessoa há cinco anos que é hoje?

It’s important to always keep one goal in mind despite life’s ups and downs—hang onto your happiness. If you’re lucky enough to find your soulmate, you two can be lifelong partners as long as you’re both willing to ride the waves together. This will require some tough conversations from time to time. It’s inevitable, but you’ll make it through as long as you’re both unwilling to give up.

If you’re on the same page about staying committed to each other and amarmo-nos incondicionalmente, everything else will work itself out. Years later, you’re likely to look back and smile at the memories, good and bad, because it’s your story, and your happily ever after is everything you dreamed it could be.